Chapter 104
While waiting for Lin Qingyu’s arrival, Jiang Xing had kept writing. He’d written a lot and he wanted to show Lin Qingyu every one of them. He was so anxious, so anxious that, in his hurry, his hand accidentally slipped and half of the rice papers escaped his hold.
The bitter cold wind suddenly blew open the window, sending the rice papers flying all over the place. Lin Qingyu looked up at them slowly flying down. As though in a trance, he seemed to see a familiar figure; he could vaguely hear someone talking to him.
It was the figure of Lu Wancheng and it was the voice of Gu Fuzhou. When the wind stopped, both of them disappeared, leaving in his world only the young man in front of him.
It was Jiang Xing.
It was really him.
Lu Wancheng was dead. Gu Fuzhou too was dead. But Jiang Xing was still alive.
Jiang Xing saw Lin Qingyu smiling, tears finally falling from his reddened eyes. Like this, he laughed and he cried. He kept laughing with tears flowing, seeming crazed, love and hatred intertwined.
Through it all, Lin Qingyu still remained so beautiful. A true beauty even in the grip of lunacy was still beautiful enough to stir one’s soul.
But he didn’t want to appreciate Lin Qingyu’s beauty when he was going insane. He liked watching Lin Qingyu deal poison, he liked watching Lin Qingyu do bad things and even more, he liked watching Lin Qingyu’s expression as he lay under him. But what he liked most has always been and will always be the way Lin Qingyu looked when he was happy.
Jiang Xing remembered that he had written a lot of comforting words for Lin Qingyu. He randomly flipped through a few pages, but unable to find them, simply gave up.
Was this really the time to be flipping through pages?
Jiang Xing threw the remaining paper onto the table and approached Lin Qingyu, calling out his name again, “Qing-yu.”
As soon as he drew near, Lin Qingyu lost strength in his legs and fell to his knees.
Jiang Xing instinctively took him into his arms, blurting out, “Qingyu!”
Lin Qingyu’s body couldn’t bear the intermingled emotions of grief and joy. It had driven him to the verge of collapse. He closed his eyes and fell asleep in Jiang Xing’s arms.
Jiang Xing’s face turned pale. He tried calling for the servants but having only had a short period of time to practice, the only thing he could verbalize for now was “Qingyu”. He couldn’t say anything else at all. Jiang Xing carried Lin Qingyu to the bed. He then tipped a tall vase to smash against the floor.
Xu Junyuan, who had been guarding the door for the young couple, immediately walked in upon hearing the crash. Seeing Lin Qingyu lying on the bed with his eyes closed, he said before Jiang Xing could write, “I’ll go call for the imperial physician.”
The arrival of the imperial physician alarmed the empress dowager. She thought something had happened to the emperor. Unexpectedly it was Lin Qingyu who had fainted in the emperor’s bed chamber. Seeing her son give up the dragon bed to Lin Qingyu and even closely keeping watch by his bedside the entire time, she couldn’t help the strange feeling that blossomed in her heart.
That was the dragon bed. Setting aside Lin Qingyu’s identity as a minister, Lin Qingyu was also Gu Fuzhou’s wife. …It seemed wrong.
The empress dowager said softly, “The Emperor seems extraordinarily fond of Lin Qingyu.”
Xiu Jiao momo said, “Master Lin is very good-looking and treats His Majesty like a younger brother. Naturally, the Emperor would be very fond of him.”
If this truly was brotherly love then it was fine. Only that…
Xu Junyuan interrupted the empress dowager’s thoughts, “Imperial Physician Chu, how is Master Lin?”
“Master Lin is fine for the time being. He is only suffering from a low fever. His pulse condition is rapid and weak, a sign that he has experienced great emotional turmoil.” Chu Zhengde said, “Has Master Lin recently felt great joy and great sorrow one after another?”
Xu Junyuan said leisurely, “This, I do not know.”
It was far more than just great joy and great sorrow.
Jiang Xing once again realized what he had brought to Lin Qingyu. Not only to Lin Qingyu, he himself had also experienced great joy and great sorrow in this past couple of hours. Although he almost couldn’t bear it, he at least managed to retain a trace of sobriety.
But Lin Qingyu couldn’t bear it. Perhaps it was most painful for those left behind.
Putting himself in the other’s shoes, if he had been the one to receive the bad news of his demise and the good news of his resurrection all in one day, he would probably go crazy if not die outright. He might not have even lasted long enough to hear the good news.
Therefore, his Baobei was really powerful and strong.
At least, much more so than him.
Chu Zhengde said, “This minister shall prescribe some calming medicine for Master Lin. When Master Lin wakes up, he must rest for a time. He must not be overly happy nor must he be subjected to too many worries.”
The empress dowager couldn’t help frowning. The emperor had just ascended the throne and he was still waiting for Lin Qingyu to stabilize the control and needed him to preside over the overall situation. Lin Qingyu had gotten ill at a bad time. She will have to take over more matters for the time being. “Lai Fu, prepare the side hall of Xingqing Palace and let Master Lin stay there temporarily. When he wakes up, send him back to the General’s Mansion.”
Jiang Xing, who was sitting by the bed, stretched out his hand and silently pulled the quilt covering Lin Qingyu’s body.
The empress dowager, seeing his little action, asked, “His Majesty doesn’t want Master Lin to leave?”
Jiang Xing nodded.
Receiving her son’s response for the first time, she was surprised and delighted. She hurriedly said, “Did you see that? His Majesty… His Majesty spoke to Aijia!”
Xiu Jiao momo nodded with tears in her eyes. “Replying to Her Highness, all the servants saw. The emperor is indeed getting better.”
Xu Junyuan smiled and said, “Since the emperor wishes to stay with Master Lin, Her Highness might as well let Master Lin accompany the emperor. Perhaps His Majesty will recover sooner.”
The empress dowager nearly wept with joy. “Alright, yes. Let Master Lin stay in Xingqing Palace for the time being.”
How could she not know that this was against the rules? If the imperial censors were to find out, they would bring no end of trouble. But who made her Li’er mentally deficient and ignorant of human affairs, reacting to Lin Qingyu alone? So long as Li’er’s soul loss disease could be cured, if he could call her ‘mother’, she would ask for nothing else.
Lin Qingyu was passed out for an entire day. There were many servants waiting on him and there was not much Jiang Xing could do. After everyone had finally left, Jiang Xing stoked his little hands, he stroked his face. Feeling that this simply wasn’t enough, he hugged Lin Qingyu with the quilt between them. After hugging him for a while, he begun to feel that this too wasn’t enough.
Lin Qingyu seemed quite cold and he frowned even in sleep.
When Xiu Jiao momo came in with the medicine, what she saw was Jiang Xing throwing off the brocade quilt and making to get in the bed.
Xiu Jiao momo patiently explained to him, “Your Majesty, this servant knows that you might not understand this right now. But Master Lin has a husband and his husband is General Gu, who is fighting in the Northwest. You can hold hands with him, but you must never sleep with him.”
Jiang Xing: “… Eh.”
Lin Qingyu woke up. He opened his eyes and after some time, saw clearly the person beside his bed. The young man, dragon robe on his body and a jade crown on his head, saw him wake up and heaved a sigh of relief. He called out, “Qingyu.”
After practicing for an entire day, Jiang Xing was finally able to smoothly say Lin Qingyu’s name. For the rest, he would have to rely on writing.
【You’re awake. 】
Is it Xiao Li? No, it’s…
Gradually, reason and memory came back. Lin Qingyu sat up suddenly, grabbed the young man like a drowning man grabbing driftwood.
“…Jiang Xing.”
His voice was so hoarse that he could hardly make a sound.
Jiang Xing let him hold on to him tightly. He mouthed, “It’s me, Baobei.”
The longer Lin Qingyu held on, the tighter his grip. His eyes begun to sting, as if he had thought of something extremely terrible. “I thought…” His lips moved slightly, “I thought you were dead.”
Jiang Xing lowered his eyes. He spread open his palm and wrote stroke by stroke: 【I’m sorry. 】
He had just finished writing when Lin Qingyu’s tears begun to fall. “You still lied to me… You lied to me that it was just a dream. You know that it’s only when your soul enters a dream that I can see your real appearance. You clearly knew but…”
He knew. But he went anyway.
He just wanted to see Lin Qingyu one more time before leaving.
“You wrote me a letter of guarantee.” Lin Qingyu was starting to become incoherent and he was no longer as calm as before, “You said you would come back. You promised me that you would be fine. I didn’t go anywhere, I’ve been waiting for you …You promised me, Jiang Xing. If you really died…”
Lin Qingyu’s crying was about to break Jiang Xing’s heart. But apart from Lin Qingyu’s name, he couldn’t say a word. But even if he could, what could he say?
Should he say that he didn’t want to die either? That he also desperately wanted to live?
What’s the use? In the end, he still couldn’t do it.
Jiang Xing closed his eyes and forced himself not to think about how Gu Fuzhou died. He kept in mind the imperial physician’s instructions not to let Lin Qingyu’s emotions fluctuate too much. He hugged him even deeper into his arms and stroked Lin Qingyu’s long hair over and over.
Lin Qingyu pressed his cheek against Jiang Xing’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. He smiled sadly, “Why do you torture me like this… Is it because I love you? Because you know that no matter what, I can’t die?”
Jiang Xing’s Adam’s apple bobbed and the light in his eyes was covered with mist.
“But even I can’t stand it anymore.” Lin Qingyu murmured as though crazed, “I can’t stand it…”
Jiang Xing bowed his head and kissed him. Kissed him on the space between his brows, kissed him on the corner of his eyes, kissed him on his lips. When their lips touched, Lin Qingyu slowly closed his eyes.
Jiang Xing’s kiss was also wet. When the two separated, Lin Qingyu saw the young man’s damp lashes.
Lin Qingyu wanted to cry again. He was fed up with how much he was crying but he couldn’t help it. He could only crawl into Jiang Xing’s arms and cling to Jiang Xing even more tightly.
With Jiang Xing’s comfort, Lin Qingyu gradually calmed down. Jiang Xing wrapped him in his arms and wrote on his palm, turning to less fraught matters.
【Xu Junyuan said the loss of my voice is only temporary. I just need to slowly get used to it. 】
【Alas, this body has no abdominal muscles. 】
【But my tongue is finally not small. What do you think of that, Baobei? 】
【Is kissing me better or is kissing Gu Fuzhou better? 】
Lin Qingyu suddenly asked, “You… how did Gu Fuzhou die?”
Jiang Xing’s answer was simple: 【Died in battle. But in the end, we won that battle. 】
Lin Qingyu was taken aback and asked softly, “Did it hurt?”
【There was no pain. I died very quickly, I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t feel any pain. I was just gone. 】
Writing traditional characters is too troublesome. When Lin Qingyu recovers, he will find time to teach Lin Qingyu how to recognize simplified characters.
In his fragile state, Lin Qingyu was very easy to deceive and believed whatever Jiang Xing said. “That’s good.” Lin Qingyu’s reaction was quite slow. He asked after a while, “Then, why did you wake up in Xiao Li’s body?”
Jiang Xing saw that the ink in the inkstone had run out. He got up and wanted to get a fresh bottle. As soon as he moved, Lin Qingyu’s eyes widened as though he were faced with an enemy. “Where are you going?”
Jiang Xing smiled and pointed to the inkstone.
Lin Qingyu understood what he meant and asked, “When are you coming back?”
Jiang Xing stopped trying to leave and hugged Lin Qingyu even tighter.
Lin Qingyu lowered his head slowly. He remained silent for a moment and said, “I’m sorry, I know I’m not acting normal right now.” He looked at his hands and said helplessly, “But I…I can’t control it.”
He didn’t like how he was right now, but he didn’t know how he was supposed to let Jiang Xing out of his sight even if it was only for an hour.
Jiang Xing wrote with the remaining ink:
【No need for you to control it. 】
【I like having you cling to me. 】
