Chapter 196 : Mother and Child
Xiao Shao looked down at the woman in his arms. Even though he remained outside the courtyard, he was well aware of what was happening inside. Moreover, he knew Jiang Ruan, who was normally indifferent and seemed unconcerned, wasn’t used to expressing her emotions. These maids had been with her from the start and had grown up with her; they were the friends and confidants with whom she placed the utmost trust. However, in the end she discovered that lies were hidden under the guise of loyalty. Thus, as one who couldn’t tolerate mistakes and violations, her sadness was palpable.
He didn’t speak but just patted Jiang Ruan on the back.
In such a generous and gentle embrace, Jiang Ruan’s mood gradually calmed down. In fact, Bai Zhi was the last person she would ever doubt because among the people in this life, Bai Zhi was the only one who accompanied her to the end in the previous one. However, now it had been revealed that Bai Zhi was Xia Yan’s person from the very beginning. And, although Xia Yan didn’t make her do anything, her position, in and of itself, had been hostile towards her since the very beginning. And, to add salt to the wound, in her past life, she had handed Pei’er to Bai Zhi with the hope that Bai Zhi would take Pei’er and escape, but in the end Pei’er still fell into Li Dong’s hands. Maybe it was Bai Zhi who gave Pei’er to Jiang Su Su, or maybe it was because she really didn’t escape at all. But whatever the situation was, only Bai Zhi from the previous life could answer. Even so, this matter stuck in her throat like a thorn the more she thought about it, and she would always be suspicious about whether it was Bai Zhi who had personally sent Pei’er to a dead end. She was a paranoid person, once she had this conjecture, she would never be able to let go of Bai Zhi. After all, there were so many unexpected twists and turns in the world, how could one foresee them?
She gently pulled out of Xiao Shao’s embrace after realizing that she had lost her composure. At this, Xiao Shao remarked, “Tomorrow, you can enter the palace and go to Xuan Pei’s place to have a look.”
Jiang Ruan was startled, and for a moment almost thought that Xiao Shao already knew the crux of the matter. She asked tentatively, “Why?”
“He seems to have something to say to you.” Xiao Shao pursed his lips. “You probably haven’t entered the palace for a long time.”
It was true that his words were intended to divert Jiang Ruan’s attention and lighten her mood, but she was still surprised. What could Xuan Pei want to say to her? In this life, the two of them had almost nothing to do with one another. But what Xiao Shao meant was that Xuan Pei took the initiative to find him. The conjecture that floated up in her mind earlier appeared again, and even though Jiang Ruan had held herself back from thinking that far, nonetheless she still thought about it unconsciously.
“Don’t worry.” Xiao Shao seemed to sense her uneasiness, and said soothingly, “You will know what it is when you go, and in any case I am always here to protect you.”
In a straightforward manner, he had made his standpoint clear- he would always stand by her side. Jiang Ruan looked up. The young man’s face was cold and beautiful, but the words he said had convincing power, as if as long as it came out of his mouth, it would definitely be attainable. She smiled slightly, while temporarily suppressing the uneasiness in her heart, and only said, “Okay.”
* * *
It snowed all night, and when everyone got up the next day, fresh snow covered the ground. The traces of the thrilling event from the previous night had completely disappeared, and everything was as calm as if nothing had happened.
Not far from the Jinying Wangfu, a newly built tomb seemed to have been erected overnight. It was not grand, but it wasn’t rough either, and seemed to exhibit meticulous effort in all respects. There was a stone tablet but nothing was written, and it was unknown who placed it there. Two young women squatted in front of the grave, with an iron basin in front of them full of burning paper money*. A few sticks of incense were lit in the incense burner.
China, traditional religion, customs, Zhongyuan Purdue, Chinese Ghost Festival, burning, paper money
*纸钱 (zhǐqián) – ritual money made of paper burnt for the Gods or the dead. Joss paper, also known as incense papers, are papercrafts or sheets of paper made into burnt offerings common in Chinese ancestral worship (such as the veneration of the deceased family members and relatives on holidays and special occasions)”to ensure that the spirit of the deceased has sufficient means in the afterlife.
Lian Qiao choked up slightly while burning the money and said, “Bai Zhi, we were like sisters in this life, and I sincerely hope that when you are born again you are not a slave in the next life. It is as you said– it is good to be a young lady from a peasant family too, so that in the end your destiny is always in your own hands.”
Although Lu Zhu was angry with Bai Zhi for poisoning Jiang Ruan, the tragic situation last night made her feel sad. She was a soft-hearted person, and since she had been with Jiang Ruan and Bai Zhi for so many years, she knew Bai Zhi had a gentle temperament and had always taken care of her like an elder sister. As she thought about this, the rims of Lu Zhu’s eyes turned a little red. In a choked up voice, she said, “Bai Zhi Jiejie, if there is an afterlife, when we meet again I hope to be lucky enough to be your sister.”
Both of them felt a little bit of compassion, and after finally burning the paper money in the iron basin, the two who had always been out of temper still felt a little somber. Jiang Ruan didn’t come to offer condolences and in terms of their current relationship, between a master and servant, it was truly absurd that they no longer knew how or with what appearance to face each other after her death
Back in the Jinying Wangfu, Jin Er saw Lu Zhu’s gloomy expression, and for the first time, he didn’t deliberately tease her, but stood behind her for a long time before reaching out and handing her a handkerchief. “Hey, when you cry it’s so ugly.” However, Lu Zhu didn’t have the heart to argue with him, so she lowered her head and didn’t take his handkerchief. When Jin Er saw this, the veteran who was an old hand at dealing with the fairer sex was a little at a loss. He hesitated and then approached, standing in front of her with his handkerchief tightly clenched in his hand. Then, Lu Zhu looked up in astonishment as he wiped the tears off her face with it. Finally he said somewhat unnaturally, “How can there be people endlessly crying in the Wangfu, it’s really a hindrance.”
Lu Zhu stood somewhat rigidly, as if she was enduring something. Thus Jin Er’s hands couldn’t help but stiffen, and he looked at her with some worry. But he finally couldn’t help but soften his voice for the first time to ask, “What’s wrong with you?”
As soon as the words were spoken, Lu Zhu couldn’t hold back any longer, and she grabbed his lapel before burying her face in his chest and bursting into tears. Jin Er’s body was a little stiff, and he looked down at Lu Zhu who was clutching his clothes in bewilderment. Lu Zhu had always been a girl who loved to laugh in the Wangfu, and her smile was very contagious, as if all life’s affairs were no big deal to her; this was the first time he had seen her this sad. Jin Er felt his heart ache seeing her crying like this and he finally mustered up the courage to reach out and pull her into his arms, and comforted her in a low voice.
Jiang Ruan wasn’t aware of Lu Zhu and Jin Er’s affairs because after Lian Qiao returned, she had brought Lian Qiao and Tian Zhu with her into the imperial palace. After being poisoned, she had not entered the palace again. She owed Empress Dowager Yi De an explanation, so she took this opportunity to enter the palace today. Jiang Ruan first went to Ci Ning Palace to meet the Empress Dowager. Empress Dowager Yi De felt a little strange that she hadn’t seen Jiang Ruan for a long time. Jiang Ruan only said that she had come down with a cold and had been recuperating in the Wangfu. Only then did Empress Dowager Yi De feel relieved, and talked with her for a while about whether the relationship between Xiao Shao and herself was still harmonious, and Jiang Ruan answered her questions patiently. Empress Dowager Yi De was very satisfied to hear about the peaceful relationship between her and Xiao Shao, and probably because she was also happy that she had made this golden and jade marriage happen. Then, she asked Jiang Ruan to stay for lunch because now that Jiang Ruan was married and had become Jinying Wangfei, naturally there was no reason to live in the princess hall anymore. Afterwards, when Empress Dowager Yi De retired for her nap after lunch, Jiang Ruan bade farewell to Yang gugu.
But she didn’t leave the imperial palace directly because she still remembered Xiao Shao’s words in her heart. So, she went straight to Nan Hua Yuan to see Xuan Pei. Jiang Ruan had walked around the palace for a long time in her previous life, and so she knew where Nan Hua Yuan was located. It’s just that Xuan Pei was not favored at the beginning before being raised by her side, and he only lived in an extremely remote and gloomy courtyard. But now Xuan Pei’s status in the palace was substantially different, and he was highly favoured by the Emperor. Though perhaps the Emperor’s favour was a kind of poison, which would put him in a position where everyone could see, and countless cold arrows and dark knives would be aimed at him. But at the same time, it was also an amulet that was more useful than anything else. As long as the Emperor favoured him, the power of any cold arrows directed at him would be greatly mitigated.
The closer she got to Nan Hua Yuan, the more nervous she felt. Since she was reborn, it was very rare for her to have such a tense moment. Even Tian Zhu and Lian Qiao, who followed by her side, noticed Jiang Ruan’s abnormality. Therefore, Tian Zhu stopped and asked, “Young Furen, what’s wrong?”
Jiang Ruan quickly recovered, shook her head and said, “It’s nothing.” She forced herself to calm down- her thoughts were probably due to her wild imagination and no one could say for sure what the truth was.
When they arrived at the gate of Nan Hua Yuan, the little eunuch who guarded the gate saw her from afar, and immediately bowed and said, “This servant greets Wangfei.”
Jiang Ruan was slightly taken aback because since she’d been in the palace, people had called her ‘Hong’an Junzhu’. But now that she was suddenly addressed as ’Wangfei’, she was unable to deduce their intentions. Just like when a princess married someone, she was still regarded as a princess in the palace, but now the staff in the palace called her Wangfei. From an outsider’s point of view, this revealed that in this respect, the name Jinying Wangfei was more noble than that of Hong’an Junzhu. It also showed Xiao Shao’s status in the palace
A delicate and pretty palace maid came out. After seeing Jiang Ruan, she first glanced at Tian Zhu, then smiled and said, “This servant serves beside Thirteenth Highness and is called Ming Yue. His Highness wants this servant to welcome Wangfei. Please come with this servant.”
Jiang Ruan naturally noticed Ming Yue’s look at Tian Zhu, and at first she was a little confused, but then she understood. She didn’t know why Xiao Shao had sent one of his secret guards to Xuan Pei’s side but since she was Xiao Shao’s person, she was also completely at ease. So she followed Ming Yue and stepped inside Nan Hua Yuan, and as she walked through the front hall, she saw the magnificent decorations inside, and knew that Xuan Pei had really won the Emperor’s favour, and his life was very comfortable. This somewhat assuaged the worries in her heart. Then, Ming Yue stopped in front of the study, smiled and said, “His Highness is waiting for Wangfei in the study.” After speaking, she took a step back and signaled for Jiang Ruan to go in alone.
Lian Qiao was still a little nervous, for fear that Jiang Ruan would be misled by other people again and wanted to follow but Tian Zhu grabbed her arm and shook her head at her. Tian Zhu was born in the Jinyi Guard, and she was very skilled. Lian Qiao believed in Tian Zhu, therefore even though she was puzzled, she no longer tried to follow Jiang Ruan. Jiang Ruan herself was noncommittal about having them accompany her. She could trust Xiao Shao’s people, and Xuan Pei would always be the beautiful and delicate child from her previous life in her heart. No matter what he became, in front of her, he would always be a child-like existence, and she wouldn’t worry that Xuan Pei would want to harm her. This was a mother’s instinct.
So Jiang Ruan just paused for a moment, then pushed the door and walked in without looking back.
The study was quite dark, and the curtains had been drawn so the room was dim. Jiang Ruan turned around and closed the door, then walked towards a desk. A small person was sitting on the large chair in front of the desk. The person was holding a brush, and seemed to be writing something. He looked serious, but because he was too small, the scene seemed a little comical since he was dwarfed by the furniture around him. And so, his usual aura of seeming estranged and aloof from others was drowned out.
Jiang Ruan walked towards him slowly. The child lowered his head and wrote earnestly. The posture of holding the brush was inexplicably familiar. With his head lowered, one could see the delicate nose and rosy lips that complemented his fair jade-like complexion– he truly seemed like an exquisitely engraved jade doll. Jiang Ruan watched silently. In the dim light to one side, she finally saw the words on the paper clearly. It was actually four words made up of two names: one was ‘Jiang Ruan’ and the other was ‘Xuan Pei’.
As if Jiang Ruan was struck by lightning, she froze in place. In her mind, it was as if someone had torn a picture and suddenly it appeared in front of her. From the depths of her memories, in that simple and crude palace, wearing ill-fitting clothes, that surprisingly delicate yet graceful child of hers asked clumsily holding a brush, “Mother Consort, look, Pei’er has learned to write the names of Mother Consort and me.”
The child smiled happily, but the words he said made people feel sad. For a prince of a grand dynasty like him to be this neglected that not even a teacher had been invited to teach him was such. Perhaps no one would notice whether this unfavoured prince was knowledgeable or not, but as his Mother Consort, Xuan Pei’s calligraphy was taught by her personally. The first thing she taught Xuan Pei to write was his and her name, and that’s what Xuan Pei said at the time.
Today, those two names were still on the snow-white rice paper, and the handwriting was exactly the same as in the previous life, so much so that every minute detail was the same. The scene in front of her eyes and the scene in her memory suddenly overlapped, and for a moment Jiang Ruan couldn’t tell whether it was day or night in front of her, and maybe all this was just a dream, but she couldn’t tell for sure?
Xuan Pei put down the brush in his hand, and as if he heard her voice, he finally raised his head. When he saw her, he smiled sweetly and said, “Mother Consort, Pei’er has been waiting for you for a long time.”
Jiang Ruan paused, and suddenly took two steps back, her eyes, which were always calm, filled with bewilderment, as well as disbelief and shock. She murmured, “What did you say?”
“Is Mother Consort still planning to recognize me? I’m Pei’er.” Xuan Pei said.
Jiang Ruan’s eyes were wide open, and her mind was blank. She stared at the handsome young man in front of her. He clearly looked exactly the same as Pei’er in her previous life, but his smile was delicate and full of meaning, definitely not the innocent and kind child in her previous life who didn’t understand anything. He seemed much smarter than Pei’er in her previous life.
Xuan Pei smiled bitterly and wryly as he looked up at Jiang Ruan. He slowly put away his smile, and stopped giving her an innocent look and said, “Mother Consort lived and died in the depths of chaos, and Pei’er also entered the yellow springs after that. I thought that my life would be cut short. And although I didn’t want the Heavens to give me another chance, still, in this life I had not expected that I would be able to meet Mother Consort once more” He looked at Jiang Ruan. “Today, Mother Consort, don’t you want to recognize me?”
Every word he said was like a heavy hammer hitting Jiang Ruan’s heart. No one would know these things, and he didn’t lie. Even before, there was only a trace of disbelief, but now all those doubts had vanished. Jiang Ruan didn’t know whether it was joy or sadness in her heart, she just felt a kind of surprise of finding something lost. She strode forward and wanted to reach out to touch Xuan Pei’s face, but her hand suddenly stopped in front of Xuan Pei. She was a little timid for a moment, and for the first time she had some doubts. “You…are you really him?”
“Mother Consort taught Pei’er to write her own name, and Pei’er wrote Mother Consort’s and my name together, so they will never be separated again.” Xuan Pei replied with a tearful smile.
Jiang Ruan was startled. When she taught Xuan Pei to write their names, Xuan Pei said the same thing. Now these words from the past still rang in her ears, and when they were spoken by Xuan Pei again, Jiang Ruan couldn’t help but hug Xuan Pei in her arms. “Yes, you are him, you are Pei’er. Why didn’t I expect that if I was able to be born again, you could have gone through rebirth as well. Pei’er, it is all my fault I didn’t come to you earlier. It would have been great if I had recognized you earlier- you must have been very scared in the palace alone.”
Her voice trembled with stirred up emotions, in a way that even the people closest to her had never seen Jiang Ruan act. She was like a cold and hard stone, and Xuan Pei was her only weakness. Xuan Pei in the previous life was dead, and from the very beginning in this life she had been tough, with not even a trace of softness. But now after realizing that Xuan Pei, whom she thought to have lost forever had now been found once again, his presence evoked her true nature, the gentlest part of Jiang Ruan which had died along with her in her previous life.
“I’m not afraid.” Xuan Pei comforted her softly instead. “I live very well in the palace, I know how to protect myself, and I want to avenge Mother Consort. I always thought that you and my Mother Consort were not the same. Similarly, when Mother Consort helped me out in front of Princess He Yi, I thought that in this life, I just need to keep Mother Consort safe. However, after learning from Jinying Wang that Mother Consort was poisoned, only then did I know that you are still my Mother Consort.”
Jiang Ruan was taken aback, how did Xiao Shao know about this? She was a little uncertain, but she must have revealed some secrets when she was in a coma. Teacher Ba Qi also mentioned this. Xiao Shao was a smart person, so he could naturally draw his own conclusions, but if he actually told Xuan Pei about this, did it mean that he had already guessed her relationship with Xuan Pei?
Her mind was not able to form a clear idea about this matter. Jiang Ruan loosened her arms around him slowly and led Xuan Pei to sit down on the hard bed, just as they often did in the past, and asked, “Pei’er, what happened to you at the end of the previous life? How did you get caught in the first place?”
Xuan Pei bit his lips when he heard her question. Even though he now seemed like an adult, as soon as this matter was mentioned, those dusty gray memories rushed back, which made one feel chilled. He paused, and then said, “At that time, Mother Consort asked Bai Zhi Jiejie to take me to escape along the secret road, but midway as I was leaving through the escape route, someone rushed over, and Bai Zhi Jiejie was killed. I was caught, and later…” Thinking of that, Xuan Pei closed his eyes and those humiliating memories resurfaced once again, “Later, Mother Consort was killed with a rod. Consequently I bit off one of that man’s ears. Then he became furious and killed me with a knife.”
Jiang Ruan immediately hugged him. “Okay, don’t talk about it anymore.” She took a deep breath. “It was all my fault, I didn’t protect you well.”
“This has nothing to do with Mother Consort.” Xuan Pei gritted his teeth. “All this was just Xuan Li’s scheme. Without him, how could Mother Consort have been wronged and ended up like that. So in this life, the only thing I want to do is to defeat Xuan Li and prevent him from sitting stably while taking that position.”
The young man’s brows were determined, and the cold attitude and lack of regard in mentioning Xuan Li was exactly the same as that of Jiang Ruan. Jiang Ruan looked at him, and a trace of melancholy flashed across her heart. She said, “Then tell me, what have you done in this life? How have you been all these years?”
“When I found out that I had travelled back in time, I thought it was just a dream.” Xuan Pei said slowly, “Later I found out that it was not a dream, and I couldn’t change the fact that my biological mother had passed away. It coincided with the years when Imperial Consort Chen was most favored. At that time, all the princes in the palace who were even a little bit valued by Imperial Father died inexplicably. Others didn’t know why, but I knew very well that it was the handiwork of that pair of mother and son (Imperial Consort Chen & Xuan Li).” Xuan Pei sneered, “It’s a pity that I was too young at that time. I was also too weak to dare to confront them head-on. So I pretended to be a fool, and willing to be an unfavored prince just like in the past life. In this way at least I could save my life.”
Jiang Ruan gently touched his head. “Pei’er did a good job, you are very smart.”
“But this method is too slow,” Xuan Pei murmured, “I can’t just save my life, I also want to avenge Mother Consort and myself. Xuan Li placed several bargaining chips in the court, but I do not want him to succeed so easily. Therefore, over the past few years, I have also secretly cultivated some people. Some people are placed in the court, and some are outside the palace. Even if Xuan Li has placed people everywhere in the court, at least on the business front, if I want to make a stumbling block for him, it is quite easy.” Having said that, Xuan Pei smiled slyly at Jiang Ruan. “If he wants to secure the throne, he needs a steady flow of silver. But that silver is well within my grasp. As long as it is in my hands, things won’t go so smoothly for him.”
Jiang Ruan suddenly realized, no wonder while Xuan Li was always at ease in the previous life, in this life he has been going downhill. Rather his path has not been as good as it was a few years ago in the previous life. Of course Jiang Ruan contributed to this, but she didn’t expect that Xuan Pei had also been working behind the scenes. The enemy was out in the open while they were in the dark, which meant that Xuan Li would inevitably be unable to extricate himself from his fate of suffering a defeat.
“You.” Jiang Ruan couldn’t help laughing, “When did you become so crafty?”
“Mother Consort protected me in my previous life, but I could do nothing but watch wide-eyed as Mother Consort died in front of me, and there was nothing I could do.” Xuan Pei’s eyes flashed a cold look. “I will protect Mother Consort in this life. If someone causes Mother Consort trouble, I will try my best to make him pay a thousand times the price!”
Jiang Ruan’s eyes fell on Xuan Pei. The young man was not tall, and his face seemed to be full of childishness that had yet to disappear. He was beautiful and fragile, like a delicate doll. However, the firmness between his brows could not be ignored, and when he spoke, his words were persuasive, and filled with conviction. It seemed like he was still the same Xuan Pei, but at the same time, he was also not the same Xuan Pei.
“Pei’er, you’ve grown up.” Jiang Ruan smiled.
“Mother Consort, if I add up my past and present lives, I too would be about twenty years– I am already an adult.” Xuan Pei blinked, “Mother Consort must not look at me like a child. Because I am not a child at all.” He glanced at Jiang Ruan, and suddenly smiled. “Although Mother Consort has lived so long, her appearance is still as beautiful as in her previous life. I just don’t know that if Xiao Wangye knows that his Wangfei is so much older than him, would he be annoyed by this or go crazy?”
