291 Florida Man's Wild Wedding: Guests Get Free Smartphone Souvenir for Witnessing His Cat Giving Head to Cow
Chapter 291 – Florida Man's Wild Wedding: Guests Get Free Smartphone Souvenir for Witnessing His Cat Giving Head to Cow
11 AM.
Bao Xun failed to enter the wedding because the first and the second floors were full. Beatrice, Marc, Lucky, Meowmeow, and Mu-Nyang, on the other hand, used their strength as a free pass and claimed the fifth floor's seats.
Ivy and Aslan got another role. The former was the bride's maid while Aslan self-proclaimed as the groom's best man. They naturally participated in this event on the fifth floor.
The seats on the third and fourth floors gradually filled after Esen's subordinates and Meowmeow's concubines entered the hotel. Smart merchants, who traveled to Joyous Yin Sect, brought back some of the loose spirit bulls from the wilderness and earned their third-floor seats.
At noon, Dongfang Mei immediately closed the entrance doors and fire exits. She joined the event on the fifth floor as the hotel employees still had jobs to do.
Leo made his appearance in a white suit and a bow tie. Although he hated greeting or meeting people, he walked to every table on the fifth floor, chatting with every guest.
One of the tables belonged to Gao Yan, Jin Yong, Yao Qiqi, and Cat. These troublemakers already emptied all the food on the plates, and they were waiting for the next servings.
Upon noticing Leo's arrival and his clothes, Gao Yan and Jin Yong gleefully saluted him.
"Senior Florida Man! You look handsome today! Congratulations!" Jin Yong cupped his fist and laughed.
"Tsk. Mind your manner, fool. AHEM! Senior Florida Man, congratulations!"
Leo gazed at the blood bags and gave Gao Yan a weird look. He checked the duo's conditions with his eyes.
"Are you healed already?"
"Yes, I'm already healthy!" Replied Gao Yan.
"Hehehe. Those injuries were nothing, senior. Here, check this out. I've invented this recipe!"
Unlike Gao Yan, Jin Yong seized the opportunity to present his wedding gift first.
Leo noticed the shabby-looking book. He received it and flipped a few pages. Noticing the content, Leo wryly smiled.
"Did you come up with these recipes and notes?" Asked Leo.
"Yes, senior. I experimented with it with my body. I can reassure you that all my pills are perfect. If you can mass-produce this and sell it in your store, you'll reap a lot of profits! Err…Ahem. If you really put the pills on sale, can I get some share, pretty please?"
"…"
Leo slightly shook his head and smiled. He had already fought Jin Yong's clones and learned all of his abilities, including his alchemy dao. He already knew what they were for, and how he could improve this incomplete recipe.
"This is the incomplete recipe of Soul Cleansing Panacea. Instead of using regular fiery hallucination mushrooms and metal-dissolving mushrooms as ingredients, you should use the True Death Mushroom. But since you can't use it directly due to its extremely toxic nature, you must remove its toxin first by mixing it with true earth fate crystal's holy water for 30 days. Then, the true death mushroom will mutate into an ascension mushroom, which can be used as a key ingredient in any healing pill or panacea. Now, you refine the ascension mushroom with the other ingredients in the list, and you can get a better healing pill that can heal soul damage and restore a star in your dantian universe."
"…Whoa."
Jin Yong was speechless and embarrassed. He had never expected to receive such a valuable lecture and tips in alchemy.
"S-Senior. C-Could you repeat it again? I forgot to take notes."
Leo sighed. "Fine. Here, take this book back. Cross those stupid mushrooms out from the ingredient list and…"
Calmly and patiently, Leo imparted the knowledge that was supposed to be Jin Yong's future dao and wisdom. The others who shared the same table also admired Leo's generosity.
After correcting the recipe, Jin Yong shed a tear of gratitude. Still, he had other problems that he wished to consult Leo.
"Erm, about the true death mushrooms, how do I collect them? If I remember correctly, those mushrooms are contained in the southern array that traps a white tree in there along with other sweet dream mushrooms. I can't simply walk into the array and turn myself into a jiangshi, can I?"
Leo rolled his eyes, "We'll talk about that after we are done with the wedding. No work talk is allowed!"
"Hehehe. Whoops."
Jin Yong was satisfied. He hugged the book and widely grinned.
Leo shifted his attention to the others next. Gao Yan saw the opportunity and stood up, presenting plastic bags that contained his contaminated blood to Leo.
"S-Senior. T-This is my wedding gift. Senior Dongfang said that I can bring them here to give it to you myself, so…"
"Blood?"
Leo brightly grinned and rubbed his hands in excitement. He received the plastic bag and gazed at the black blood. Without hesitation, he spat into the bag and tied it.
"???"
Gao Yan was taken aback and widened his eyes. But when he remembered that Leo could mutate anything he touched, Gao Yan laughed and inquired.
"Senior, I'm curious. If I reach the deity rank, can I transform normal grass into immortal grass like you?"
Leo paused for a few seconds to think before he answered, "Probably not. At best, you can turn them into one of those useless blue spirit grasses. Actually, you're an immortal now. You should be able to do it naturally. But don't expect high-quality spirit grass, though. It depends on your Qi volume and your primary element. Also… the heavenly lightning energy in your damn horns is the bane of all mutation. Suppress it if you want to mutate or evolve something."
"I-I'll keep that in mind."
Gao Yan bowed 90 degrees, but he widely grinned. He was enlightened, and he was eager to try evolving some regular plants into spirit herbs like Leo.
Leo stored the blood in his inventory as he was afraid of the spill. He then turned his attention to the two girls.
Yao Qiqi was still a cute girl as always. Her bright smile and dirty mouth healed all of Leo's mental fatigue.
On the other hand, Cat who was in a dark elf appearance didn't maintain her disguise very well. Small worm-like vines slipped out of her nostrils and ear holes. The corners of her mouth spread wider than usual, which revealed the entire interior of her mouth whenever she opened her mouth to talk.
"Nom-Nom Meow?" (Daddy, where is the food? I need more food.)
Leo had a headache. He ejected a raw leg of a mad cow and shoved it down Cat's throat. Because of its enormous size, Cat's body bloated like a python which just swallowed a grown dog.
"Meow <3" (SWEET! Thanks, daddy!)
"…"
Leo silently brought out five more pieces of raw mad cow's legs and placed them on the table.
"Feed her whenever her transformation is about to be undone. I don't want her to revert into a monster form and eat every guest here."
Gao Yan and Jin Yong laughed and assured Leo, "Don't worry, senior. We'll take care of her."
Leo put on a pair of white leather gloves and patted Yao Qiqi's head, "As for you, I'll ask the cook to serve this table more food. I'll be checking the other table now."
"Thanks, senior!" Yao Qiqi bowed, but she wasn't done with Leo yet. She boldly asked for something. "Senior, I have a request."
Leo stopped his feet. He turned around, "What's up?"
"Why aren't the thing senior Wu Buyi had on sale in the store, senior? I wish to buy one of those."
"Huh? Played with what?"
"A small square thing that shows pictures."
Yao Qiqi referred to the smartphone of Wu Buyi. As she had no playmate in her age range, she was bored. In addition, she had been eyeing the phone for a long time. She wished she could watch more video clips.
Leo nodded as he had an inspiration. He rechecked the store to see the price of a smartphone.
The AI-PHONE 69 of Wu Buyi was only 1,000 YOL, not including the upgrade fees.
Since it was cheap, Leo didn't mind spending some of his precious lifespans to buy something for a little kid. He purchased three phones and upgraded them to level 17, enabling its infinite range internet connection and unlimited battery life. Then, he passed them to Gao Yan, Jin Yong, and Yao Qiqi.
"There you go. I'll only give them to you three since you guys are special. Learn the functions from Wu Buyi or study the manuals in the boxes, okay?"
The trio gleefully accepted the smartphones and cheered. As for Cat, she only cared about food on the table.
Leo excused himself and checked on the other tables next. His eyes then met with Han Meng's.
The elder dryly laughed while he pretended to sip some tea. Then, he stood up to greet Leo.
"Haha. I didn't expect to earn my place here. Well, congratulations, Lord Florida Man! I wish you and your spouse eternal happiness."
Leo tilted his head in curiosity, "What did you give Dongfang Mei that she gave you the seat?"
"Oh, just a random ingot that I made. I smelted a hull of some debris and handed it to Lady Dongfang."
"I guess she must have been impressed. Well, good job earning your place here."
Leo liked Han Meng's hardworking attitude. Since the guy was an old customer, Leo decided to help him a little. He pulled out a weapon, which he had gotten from Han Meng's clone.
It was a yellowish broadsword, containing a star's worth of earth element Qi. He passed it to Han Meng.
"This sword is called Guardian of People. It cannot kill innocent people. But when you use it against an evildoer or a crook under the sage realm, none of their dao or domain abilities can affect you. You can keep using this until you reach the sage realm, actually."
"W-WHAT?!"
Han Meng didn't expect to get a gift in return. He fell to his knees and kowtowed to Leo.
"THANK YOU, MY LORD! I-I'M MOVED! I DON'T THINK I DESERVE THIS!"
"Meh," Leo rolled his eyes. "This is my wedding day. Whoever earns this floor's spot deserves preferential treatment. You take it and flex it to your father. Oh, by the way, where is your father?"
Han Meng dryly laughed, "He… is on the other floor, my lord."
"Ah, shame. Well, next time, I guess."
Leo snickered and went to greet the others. He visited the table of the two Tangs next.
The two alchemists stood up and cheerfully saluted Leo. They had seen everything, and they expected to receive something nice in return as well.
"Haha, Lord Florida Man. Congratulations! It's very rare for someone our age to find a dao companion!" Tang Tian started first.
Tang Xuan reserved his words, but he sincerely bowed, "We wish you a fulfilling marriage life, longevity, and prosperity, senior!"
Leo returned the gesture. As Leo had already blessed several people, he might as well give these alchemists some boons.
"Pick one. A poison plant encyclopedia, a weapon compatible with your dao, a smartphone, or a random artifact?"
Tang Tian was bolder than his father. He had seen Wu Buyi playing with a smartphone before. Thus, he requested an item exclusive to Leo's trustworthy subordinates.
"If possible, I would like to have the thing my disciple has, please."
Leo nodded in approval. He kindly blessed Tang Tian with the same phone and upgraded it. Then, he asked Tang Xuan next, "What about you?"
Tang Xuan's eyes gleamed. Although he was reserved and well-mannered, he was smarter than Tang Tian. He requested a piece of information, which would help his clan in the long run.
"This might sound rude, but I wish for a cultivation method that even a cripple with crooked meridians can cultivate."
"Education, I see."
"Yes. The ones at the bottom are actually the pillars and the foundation of the upper echelons. Without mortals, there won't be immortals or deities. Without plants and animals, there won't be humans."
Leo was impressed with Tang Xuan's vision. He pulled out a ring from his inventory and tossed it to Tang Xuan.
"It contained 100,000 books in there. Some may be duplicates because I never sorted them. Use whatever you find useful. As for the rest, you can keep it as your clan's heirloom or techniques. By the way, all of them are available in the bookstore."
Tang Xuan deeply bowed. He was happy with this gift.
"I shall not let you down. The Tang Clan will become the pillar of Florida Domain!"
"Well, do your best."
Leo excused himself and walked to another table. He didn't think much about Tang Xuan and his Tang Clan. However, Tang Xuan made an internal vow to himself.
He looked up and gazed at Leo in admiration.
'Right now, our clan members might be useless to you. But one day, our clan will become a great force worthy of your trust! We won't be hiding behind you ever again!'
The humiliation from the invasions still got to Tang Xuan. He vowed that his clans could fight alongside Leo one day.
