Chapter 179 – Florida Man Trainee Accidentally Found New Religion and Created New Loli Goddess by Showing Viral VDO to Kindergarten Girl
"I'm bored." Yao Qiqi complained while she strolled around the store. She had nothing to do and no one to play with.
Esen was still inside Leo's bus while Cat went hunting alone in the South Canyon River. Xu Nuan was also busy cultivating after the trip. Thus, Yao Qiqi had no playmate.
Without anything better to do, Yao Qiqi walked aimlessly around the store. Because she was absentminded, she bumped into Wu Buyi. The latter also didn't look at the way as his eyes focused on the smartphone in his hand.
"Ow!"
Yao Qiqi wasn't hurt. Instead, it was Wu Buyi who hurt his legs. The latter felt like he kicked a steel plate instead of a little girl.
Because of the pain, Wu Buyi's phone slipped out of his hands. It fell on Yao Qiqi's head and bounced off to the ground.
Yao Qiqi's quick reflex kicked in. She grabbed the phone before it hit the ground. Then, she looked at it in curiosity.
"Umm, what is this?"
She flipped the smartphone around and saw the moving pictures on the phone's screen. It was a VDO of a female band. Surprised, she accidentally touched the screen and pressed a recommended VDO that the screen showed.
A new song appeared. A blond anime girl holding a child-protection alarm buzzer was shown on the screen, and a song of a foreign language sounded.
'Lonely rori-rori kami kourin, Kane o naraseba kono touri,'
"EH?!" Yao Qiqi's eyes sparkled. She found this object interesting, and she kept watching.
Meanwhile, Wu Buyi finished rubbing his legs. He searched for his favorite smartphone and discovered that Yao Qiqi had it. He walked toward her to take it back.
'SEI-NO! Sawattara TAIHO! Kyoku Chu de TENKO! ICHI-NI-SAN-SHII? (GOMEN NASAI!)'
But the song was too catchy. The animation was also eye-catching. As the blond little girl sang and danced.
Yao Qiqi got goosebumps. Although she didn't understand a word, she wanted to dance like the anime girl on the screen.
Wu Buyi was also interested in this song. He continued watching along with Yao Qiqi until the end.
When the song was over, Yao Qiqi pouted. She wanted to listen to it again, but she didn't know how to make the smartphone replay the old VDO.
Wu Buyi coughed, "Ahem. Little girl, that's my artifact. Can I have it back?"
Yao Qiqi jolted. She turned around and wryly smiled. Realizing that she was holding the senior's artifact, she bowed and politely returned the phone to Wu Buyi.
"I-I'm sorry, senior! I didn't mean to use your artifact…"
Although Yao Qiqi returned the phone to the old alchemist, she was dejected. She hoped that she could watch that VDO again. Her eyes were teary as she wanted to cry.
Wu Buyi took the phone back. But seeing how sad the girl was, he deeply sighed and crouched. He patted her head.
"You know what? It's my day off today. How about we watch some VDO together? Oh, once we meet Lord Florida Man, I'll try to ask him to give you the same artifact that I have."
"R-Really?!" Yao Qiqi was so glad. She stopped crying.
"Of course. Do you think I'm a liar?"
A few passing-by disciples overheard the question. The corners of their mouths curved up as they knew how sly Wu Buyi was. However, for the sake of the girl, they didn't expose him.
"Umm," Seizing the opportunity, Yao Qiqi asked the senior. "Can I watch that previous girl again? I want to hear that song one more time."
"Again? Sure!"
The senior and the little girl grabbed a sacred wood block and sat on it. Then, they replayed the VDO and watched it together.
.
After watching the same song 20 times in a row, Yao Qiqi had heard enough. She thanked Wu Buyi and returned the phone to him. Then, she hummed and danced her way to the rooftop of the general store. After that, she began dancing and singing the iconic song.
As Yao Qiqi was enlightened by the song, she acquired a new dao avatar. A spirit of Yao Qiqi with the same clothes and hairstyle as the anime girl in the VDO emerged.
The girl smiled and tried a new move.
"QIQI BEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAMU!"
ZAAAAP
A purple tribulation lightning flashed out from Yao Qiqi's eyes. People on the farm saw a purple laser beam coming from the rooftop toward the south. Everybody flinched for a moment before they shrugged.
They got used to strange things around here. Nothing surprised them anymore.
As for Wu Buyi, he took notes of the song's lyrics and planned to ask Leo about its meaning later. However, that song became an earworm that Wu Buyi couldn't get rid of.
Since Wu Buyi realized that he couldn't forget the song, he started singing it.
"Lonely loli-loli kami ko ou rin!"
.
.
South of Magpie City, a patrol unit of the Gorr Tribe flew toward the north to map the area. This team of 10 soul transformation cultivators all had four arms as they had stayed too long in a demon realm.
The group stopped at the Canyon River north of Frozen Fire City to resupply their water. Two of them took off their clothes and jumped into the large river.
Their leader screamed at his subordinate, "Hey! We're not here to play! Restock the water and get moving!"
The two playful men laughed while they floated in the water, "Relax, boss. It's not like cities can fly."
The leader rolled his eyes. He pointed toward the north, where he could see a flying continent on the horizon. It was the domain of Leo, which was hundreds of kilometers away.
"Open your eyes wide and look in that direction! There's something over there, and we need to scout it before Lord Qiang Baidu does! If he finds out that we ignore that place and fail to report its existence to him, our heads will roll!"
"Bah, why so serious? Our lord said he wanted to strengthen our foothold toward the west and the south. He won't march north anytime soon. Yan Xiang is dead, so he doesn't need to rush anymore."
The leader prayed that his subordinates were right. Without Yan Xiang, they only needed to worry about Situ Nantian and the lurking immortals from Yan Clan, Situ Clan, and Ouyang Clan. As for the other quasi-immortals, they were trash in their eyes.
After 10 minutes of refreshing and resupplying their water resources, they packed their belongings and traveled further north to check Leo's domain. The scout team flew along the canyon river so that they wouldn't be ambushed by random creatures from the forest.
Along the way, the two playful guys admired the scenery. They flew at a low altitude to look at their reflection in the transparent river.
"You know, this river is so nice and transparent. I can see everything at the bottom."
"Yeah. The demon realm's rivers are all muddy and rotten. Had no one awakened the water attribute, we would have died back then."
"Nah. It's thanks to our lord. His blood element protected us."
"True. Lord Qiang Baidu's blood domain is invincible. Even earth celestials aren't his opponents!"
While the two conversed, their teammates heard the conversation. They also gazed at the water.
Everybody admired the clear water, except their leader. The latter frowned as he found the transparent water unusual.
Although he had been stuck in the demon realm for centuries, he wasn't naïve and uneducated. From his point of view, natural small streams on a mountain or a forest were common. However, clear rivers were extremely rare due to mud and other substances in the water.
A massive river in the canyon was too transparent! It seemed too unnatural!
Suspicious of the river, the team leader circulated his Qi to inspect his internal organs and dantian as everybody drank a lot of water from this river. Then, he discovered something dreadful.
The water was not as clean as it seemed. It contained unknown microorganisms, and they already infiltrated his bone marrow!
"TEAM! STOP AND CHECK YOUR BONE MARROW! WE DRANK POISON WATER!" Shouted the leader.
The other nine soul transformation cultivators froze on the spot. They circulated their Qi and discovered countless black cells in their circulatory system and bones. A few parts of their bones already turned black and spreading.
Everybody was confused and shocked. They landed on the ground and sat cross-legs, meditating and removing impurities from their bodies.
The black cells got pushed out of their pores. Some of them coughed black blood as they drove the bad cells out through their mouth. Unfortunately, the corrupted bones couldn't be healed instantly. They needed time to recuperate.
"Dammit!"
The two guys that dove into the water were in a worse condition. Their skin was full of rashes, and the burning pain annoyed them. They didn't realize that their faces were full of pus and spreading black moles. Aside from the skin cancer, their bloodshot eyes started bleeding.
"WHAT IS GOING ON?! WHAT IS THIS POISON!?"
The two men screamed and brought out their healing pills and antidotes to eat. After eating everything, they fought against the unknown disease.
Because of the scary symptoms, eight healthy cultivators chose to stay away from the duo and refused to help them. They kept their distance, watching them from afar.
"LEADER, HELP!" One of them cried.
No one moved. Their leader shouted, "We don't know what the poison is! Stay there! We'll head back to call for aid!"
After driving off most of the bad cells from their bodies, the 8 healthy scouts flew back to the Frozen Fire City to report to their lord. As for the two mutating cultivators, they struggled to remove the bad cells from their bodies.
Two minutes later, the two were left alone in the foreign forest. No one uttered a word as they prayed for their lord to come and save them.
ZAG-ZAG
While they were struggling to survive, the bushes and trees behind them shook. Then, a massive shadow crept closer to them.
The two soul transformation cultivators turned around.
ZAAAAAAAAP
A purple beam flew by, but it didn't hit anybody. However, the lightning beam flashed and revealed the appearance of the approaching entity.
"Nom-Nom Meow?"
It was Cat who had been hunting wolves and small animals outside of Leo's domain. She widely grinned and drooled, hoping that they would give her something tasty to eat.
Her body was soaked, and droplets of water dripped from her body. A few minutes ago, Cat swam in the river, and she just defeated an injured thunder caiman, which "Kitten, the Fisherman Guardian Statue" threw out from the permanent mystic realm portal.
Cat grew up by absorbing Leo's radiation and contaminated water. Thus, she evolved and became similar to Leo, who could mutate most people upon touch. Although Cat couldn't instantly kill cultivators with her fluid, her cancer cells and poisonous saliva were still deadly.
Because of the recent activities, the river was contaminated with Cat's poisonous fluid, and the men drank it!
The two men were oblivious to the culprit. They glared at the monster plant and summoned their dao avatar.
"S-Stay away, monster! HAMMER DOMAIN!"
"GET LOST, FIEND! LAVA FLAME DOMAIN!"
A massive metal hammer appeared in the sky and descended upon Cat. At the same time, the ground under Cat became moldy lava.
"No Nom-Nom Meow?"
Cat ignored the hammer and the lava in disappointment. Her eight roots lifted her body up, and she lifted two of them.
One spike root stabbed into the hammer guy's chest. As for the other, a bulky root smashed the lava guy into a meat paste.
BONK
The hammer hit Cat's head, but she felt nothing. It was a lot lighter than Leo's paper fan slap.
Cat threw the mutating hammer guy into her mouth. Then, she scooped the meat paste from the ground with her branches and put them on the plant's head.
The humanoid torso of Cat laughed. She waved her fingers and lifted every drop of blood and flesh toward her. After that, she devoured the freshest corpse in glee.
"Nom-Nom Meow <3"
