I wasn’t lying. It’s true that mother mentioned that many times.
But what mother repeatedly told me, to her young daughter, was;
“Your father is a very nice man. He has a beautiful, handsome face, is tall, and excels in his studies and athletics. Above all, he is a very kind man, and he says a lot of nice words that make me feel enchanted…
At that time, there was not a single girl in the Academy who did not admire him. When I found out that he was going to marry me, I thought I was dreaming. I can’t see him now, but I’m sure he’ll come for you if you’re a good girl and wait long enough for him.
Oh, yes, you have a brother. I’m sure he’ll grow up to be a fine gentleman, just like his father.”
I don’t think that she had given much thought, affection nor concern for her son’s welfare, who was separated from her the moment he was born. Instead, she was actually still reminiscing about her ‘dear husband’ whom she loved and adored greatly.
Now that I think about it, if only grandfather had advised his son’s wife to live in the Imperial Capital instead of the Duke’s domain, she would probably have had a better chance of entering the nobility social circles and people would surely know about her. If only he had done that, his son would not have been viewed as so capricious under the public’s eyes.
But mother would have probably refused to do so. As a wife, she most definitely would wish to stay close to her husband and wait for the day when he would return to her. Mother was a maiden who fell in love with the man of her dreams, and she was also an example of a noblewoman who obediently believed in and loyally, lovingly followed her husband.
…Even then, the outcome was that no good bastard of a husband never even once returned to her.
After she fell into a bedridden state, she no longer talked about her husband. Instead, she prattled on about how she wanted her daughter to become an empress. In the end, she died hallucinating that her son, whom she had never met before, would grow up to be similar to her husband.
It’s just like ‘Asakaya Ga Yado’ of ‘Amegatsu Monogatari’. A wife waited for her husband in the midst of war. The next morning, he returns home wanting to spend the night with his wife, only to wake up and find his house in ruins and his wife buried in a grave.
What if mother was not such an epitome of a noblewoman? What if she had a firmer character just like the Empress? I wonder if she would have been able to gather her courage to face her mother-in-law and live with her own family.
However, it’s easy to think of such ‘what if scenarios’ that could’ve given mother a chance to live better…but in fact, I still knew how difficult it truly is in reality.
The situation is not the same as compared to Japan in the 21st century. Here, a noblewoman is not allowed to choose her own marriage partner, there is no option for her to work and live on her own. That’s how this world works. It is admirable to think of the Empress, such a rare woman, who despite having been exposed to a lot of criticism, still stood her ground with courage and has not abandoned her principles.
