< >
Confession (2)
Li Hong Yuan clearly sensed something wrong with Jing Wan. It was different than what he’d imagined. He stared at her without blinking, softening his expression as much as possible, forcibly suppressing the anxiety in his heart, even considering whether or not to stop this conversation, using some other excuse to dodge it. The living Enma who has always acted as he pleased, with nothing capable of stopping his march forward, in this moment, nevertheless wavered, hesitating to step forward.
However, things have already come to this step now, so it wasn’t something that can be over with by just muddling through. The problems that exist inside perhaps might even become a barrier between them. Once it magnifies, it might never be able to be fixed again.
The bottom of Li Hong Yuan’s eyes darkened, but he didn’t display any abnormality on the surface, “The previous life, but this previous life is probably not the same as the usual meaning of the word. The same Qi Yuan, the same people, of course, there were also many differences, just like for example, Wan Wan, you weren’t my wife.”
“That’s why, who you love simply wasn’t me, but rather the person in your memories that was the exact same as me?” Jing Wan instantly became worked up.
Rebirth, no wonder. As such, many things can be explained clearly, just like a game, and only he, Li Hong Yuan, started over from the save file. Everyone else all didn’t have this luxury. That’s why, his strange attitude towards her in the beginning, calling her ‘Wan Wan’ from the start, was all because of her, yet also not because of her. She wasn’t a substitute, yet also a substitute.
Jing Wan shot up, immediately turning to leave.
Li Hong Yuan quickly reacted, grabbing her. He never thought that the problem would arise in the most unexpected place. “Wan Wan, why would you think of it like this, what do you mean someone exactly like you, that was precisely you!”
“Precisely me?” Jing Wan coldly sneered, “In my memories, your affection towards me, your feelings towards me, that was all coming out of nowhere. In fact, it can’t even be considered love at first sight. Something that I know nothing about, something that I have never participated in, yet now, want to have me involved in it, even saying that it was precisely me? If switched with you, what would you think?”
Li Hong Yuan perhaps roughly understood where the crux of the issue was, then recalling Jing Wan’s attitude towards relationships, it seemingly wasn’t hard to understand why she would have this kind of stance, “Wan Wan, you can’t be like this, you can’t just because you don’t know, just completely declare that my feelings towards you are not real.”
“If wangye didn’t have this second chance, then presumably wangye won’t have the so called deep feelings.”
“Yes, that’s right, if not for starting over, then we would all still be in the past life. At this time, you would’ve already married as a wife, and we simply would’ve never crossed paths. Everything will all develop along the predestined course. Afterwards, you become deeply trapped in the Wu’an Marquis Manor, and for the sake of not letting the Luo family get implicated, you tainted your own reputation, requesting to be expelled from the Luo clan. Your grandfather became sad and dejected for you, your grandmother cried herself blind for you, and you, for the sake of the Wu’an Marquis Manor, exhausted yourself running around. The Luo family secretly aided you, but nearly got caught, and had the entire household searched and seized. And I, completely lived in a lie. At merely ten years old, just got poisoned, determined to not live past thirty. Afterwards, after learning everything a few months later, got assassins sent after me in all kinds of ways, pathetically escaping the capital. When nearing death, I got saved by you, and when in the pits of despair, I also got pulled back by you. Under the circumstances of having nothing, I fought for power, yet I was too late to save the Fu family, unable to protect you, helplessly watching you die in my arms, falling into madness, and purging the entire capital city. This was what that other you participated in and didn’t participate in. Wan Wan, are you sure, you want to personally experience these?”
Jing Wan was long shocked to the point of speechlessness. In her view, even if it was in that past life that she didn’t know about, and even if things were different from now, it still wouldn’t be that far off.
“Wan Wan, you can’t be this cruel. You can’t because the current you don’t know and didn’t participate in, just completely deny my feelings towards you. Perhaps in your eyes, my feelings came so strangely, but in my heart, it has always been you. Aside from you, there’s no one else. When I came back, I was ten years old, and at that time, you were two. Although I was trapped in the palace, but if I wanted to let you enter the capital in advance, it wasn’t impossible. But, I’m deeply aware of how the environment affects a person, that’s why, from beginning to end, I’ve always forcibly restrained myself, letting you grow according to the original course. Without having personally experienced before, one won’t know how painful that process was. After coming back, do you know how much I rejoiced over this second chance. Even if defying the heavens and fate, facing great condemnation, I still hope for you to be happy and well your whole life. That’s why, Wan Wan, don’t be like this to me. That is just gouging out my heart, asking for my life………….”
The insufferably arrogant living Enma for once revealed an unprecedented fragility, his eye sockets completely red, seemingly about to cry out at any time.
Jing Wan blankly stared at him, completely at a loss for words.
Li Hong Yuan tightly had her held in his arms, and in a place invisible to Jing Wan, the weakness was already completely gone, just leaving behind determination and madness. However, his voice was still gentle, “Wan Wan feels that the one I love isn’t you, but I feel that I’ve loved you for not just two lifetimes. It was you that was unfair to me, it was you that didn’t know, so no matter what, you can only be mine in life and death, you can’t escape. If you have the slightest thought of leaving me, I will just want to lock you up, locked up in a place where only I exist. Do you know, I actually long wanted to do this, but I was scared that you would be unhappy, I was scared of hurting you, that’s why, Wan Wan, don’t give me the chance to go crazy.”
Jing Wan raised her head, her chin resting on Li Hong Yuan’s shoulder, her face already filled with tears.
TN: All
Regardless of whether or not she cared about being the ‘substitute’, she nevertheless had to admit, towards this man, she truly heartached to the extreme. All say, the one that ultimately remembers was the one that was the most miserable. If everything is as he said, then he was the one that has been working hard this whole time, and the one shouldering everything.
Jing Wan felt, perhaps she can have that period of time that she didn’t know about, yet was what he’d genuinely gone through, treated as lost memories. Seemingly it wasn’t hard to accept that the one in his memories was precisely her.
“It’s you that owe me, it’s you that didn’t love me……..” Li Hong Yuan was still complaining, complaining that she was heartless, yet as he spoke, he seemingly wasn’t able to continue, “Wan Wan, how about this, if you feel that, that isn’t you, then give me a chance. Let’s start over, alright? In the past life, you weren’t my wife. I also had a wangfei, and had not just one woman, but in this life, I just want you alone, and will always just have you, alright?”
Seemingly, as long as she can stay, he can endure, he can yield, he can do anything……………..
“Okay.” Unconsciously, this word already came out from Jing Wan’s mouth.
T/N: I wanted to compile some details about the previous life here from the early chapters that most have probably already forgotten about, since it’s been a long time. A lot were just randomly mentioned by LHY in the early chapters, so I don’t expect anyone to actually remember them, but since a lot was brought up in this chapter, I thought it’d be good to compile everything here. I guess it’s easier on second read through of this novel or you’re reading the whole novel at once to remember all the details.
After coming to the capital, Jing Wan attended the Ding Duke Manor Banquet but wasn’t able to become friends with Sun Yi Jia due to Kang Wangfei dying and Sun Yi Jia needing to marry Kang Qinwang. This changed in this life when LHY broke the ‘engagement’ between Sun Yi Jia and Kang Qinwang. Jing Wan similarly was suppose to marry Chen Zheng Ming but got her engagement broken due to Princess Min Xiang wanting to marry Chen Zheng Ming in the past life. Since Jing Wan wasn’t able to become friends with Sun Yi Jia, she got schemed against by Li Ru Yu and Luo Jing Ying, basically the same scheme that LHY used on SYJ in order to get her to marry Luo Jing Bo. Jing Wan fell into the water and was saved by Fu Yun Ting, thus Jing Wan was forced to marry Fu Yun Ting. This very war breaks out and Fu Yun Ting was forced to go to the battlefield that was ultimately a trap, pretty much the same thing involving the rations. Jing Wan fought for rations for the army and personally delivered them to the borders. As a result, Le Cheng Emperor sacrificed the lives of two hundred thousand soldiers in order to pin Fu Yun Ting with the crime of treason, which results in the entire Fu clan in getting executed and Jing Wan becoming a fugitive because she escaped arrest. Somewhere in between she met and saved Li Hong Yuan who was on the verge of death and nursed him back to life. That was how they first met in the past life. I believe they spent about a year together living in hiding. He was being hunted by assasins at the time. Counting their son’s age Li Hong Yuan actually managed to live past 30 in the previous life, but he still died at like 40 from the poison. If he’d died at 30 his son would’ve only been 6yo, but he forced himself to live a little longer so that his son can safely ascend the throne. The two things that Noble Consort Su did to him that he couldn’t forgive was one, poisoned him when he was 10 with poison that would shorten his life so that he can’t live past 30, and two, poisoned him with the infertility powder when he was 13yo so that he can’t have children.
< >
