The Empress looked at the table silently. She had been doing that for a while. The tea that had been poured has already cooled down.
On the table were the eight letters that she had shown Cedric. Across from her, Cedric was watching her quietly.
“Are you all right, mother?”
He asked quietly.
Instead of answering, Siord only smiled.
She called Cedric last. It wasn’t because he wasn’t precious. Rather, he was called last because he was so precious and the most important.
The despair and dejection on her face a little while ago had disappeared. That gave Cedric an indescribable sense of security.
“Cedric, do you know what it means to get older?”
“……I wouldn’t know.”
“When I got married, I thought that when I turned 30, I would become a wiser adult than anyone else. Now that I am approaching my 40s, it seems that I am getting more and more foolish.”
“…….”
“I was like a fool.”
She read through the cluttered letters one by one.
Her mind, which had been cloudy all this time, was strangely clear. Negative thoughts that kept coming to her mind had disappeared.
It would have been normal to feel this way until a month ago, but strangely, she was very glad and happy.
Now that she knew that Beolde didn’t hate her, her heart was cleansed and clear of the old trauma, and there was no place for any other sorrow and dejection.
All thanks to these eight letters.
Naturally, the girl that she encountered with a tearful face at the Mershain mansion came to mind.
Dalia Pesteros.
Then the panic that was spreading on her face came to mind. Did she find this letter because she was worried about her?
She didn’t know how that girl found the letter that she had forgotten, but she was grateful.
For bringing back the forgotten things of the past to the surface. For letting her know what Beolde felt at that time.
It felt like someone had brought her the last piece of the puzzle that she could never solve alone.
There was also a strange feeling as if she had corrected a mistake she had almost forgotten for the rest of her life.
‘Also……’
She looked at Cedric.
As a mother, she knew. Cedric was also different from before. There was something lurking inside his cold heart. It was difficult to say exactly what it was.
This, too, must have been instilled by Dalia.
Siord closed the letter. Then she organized them one by one and put them all in one envelope.
“So much time has passed, and I still have no idea what my sister was thinking at the time. It’s just that I’ve been upset the whole time. I’ve been misunderstanding like that, and I’ve reached this age before I know it.”
“……Mother has done nothing wrong.”
Cedric said, narrowing his brow slightly. Siord covered her mouth and smiled slightly.
“I didn’t know you could say something like that?”
“…….”
Cedric smiled silently.
Siord looked at him, who had grown and changed so much.
Since when? And why didn’t she notice the change in her own child before?
Siord felt the old guilt after finding the reason again. It was a different feeling of guilt than before.
Why didn’t she think of talking to him before?
For a very long time she has been consciously and unconsciously keeping Cedric away.
Cedric did the same to her. Perhaps the wound she inflicted on him still lingers in his mind.
It hurts her heart to think about it, especially when she sees him getting colder and sarcastic to everyone.
There is still one regret that Siord has not escaped from.
It was when Cedric was five years old when he found out that he read other people’s emotions. Her husband cautiously called her in and told her.
Siord thought that it was fine.
Her husband also reads emotions through physical contact. He never once doubted her love, nor did she.
The two were always happy regardless of his ability. She thought that it wouldn’t matter if her child had inherited his ability.
But Siord didn’t realize. The bond with someone who has been with you for decades and a bond with someone who has only been with you for a few years even if it’s your own child are bound to be different.
Cedric could not read Siord’s love.
His inherited abilities were strangely twisted, and even though he could easily read the slightest malice, but not with love or goodwill.
The Emperor told her. It’ll be difficult for him to feel it unless it’s an immense amount of love that pours out in a moment.
Her love for Cedric is as natural as breathing rather than intense love, so she won’t be able to break through his walls.
So Siord controlled herself every day so as not to feel bad in front of Cedric.
So that her son doesn’t feel bad if he can’t feel love.
But for a moment, there was a time when she couldn’t control her emotions.
It was not a big deal.
She just thought that the noble she was talking to was too annoying. There were not one or two people who couldn’t get along, but there was nothing she could do about physiological rejection.
‘Please, I wish you would disappear from the capital.’
But then Cedric looked at her. His eyes were strange, as if he was disappointed with her.
For a moment, Siord felt as if she had been stripped away in front of the young child.
Whenever she hates someone in the future, Cedric will look at her and sighed.
She’s a mother, she’s an Empress, so she has to show her dignity and authority…….
She shook off Cedric’s hand unconsciously. He doesn’t read emotions by physical contact anyway, so it wouldn’t have meant anything.
She regretted it as soon as she did it.
However, Cedric only had a subtle smile as if he knew everything. As if he wasn’t hurt at all.
But it remained on her mind.
‘The only parent in the world who should have been on his side had rejected their child.’
That fact tormented her for a long time.
Every time she met him, every time he was being sarcastic to others, even when he burned down the noble’s mansion who called her red hair like a flame, he seemed twisted and it was all her fault.
Cedric also naturally avoided her from the moment he felt it.
Each time, her heart ached, but there was nothing she could do.
As time went by, Cedric became more cynical, and he kept leaving the Imperial Palace and living outside, but she couldn’t ask for any advice.
What qualifications did she have?
But now he is more lively than ever. Thanks to that small child.
Siord opened her mouth cautiously.
“Cedric, I actually have something to tell you.”
“Yes, please go ahead, mother.”
“At a ball when you were five years old, I……there was a time when I shook off your hand. I don’t know if you remember because you were so young back then…….”
Cedric tilted his head slightly to the side without saying a word. Siord caught her breath and spoke again.
“I don’t know why, but I was ashamed of myself at that time. That’s why. But it must have hurt you…… I keep avoiding you because I’m afraid I’ll hurt you again. And yet I’m upset with you for no reason, and even hated you…….”
Cedric’s expression, which was calm at first, gradually changed as Siord continued to speak. From doubt that he had misunderstood, slowly to bewilderment and surprise.
After a while he spoke.
“…… Did you really think that?”
Siord gave a small nod.
Cedric hesitated and let out a small sigh. Then he lowered his head, nervously ruffling his hair.
Siord was perplexed at the unfamiliar sight of her son.
Then Cedric looked up. For some reason, the red eyes were filled with resentment.
“……First of all, I don’t remember when I was five. Seeing that I don’t remember at all, I wouldn’t have known you shook my hand off at that time.”
“…….”
“Mother, the power that I received from father is not like that. What I’m disillusioned with is the disgusting sexual desire that most men have, the more terrible and deep malice, and has nothing to do with the extent to which mother feels toward others. Mother is not someone that hates someone so much in the first place.”
“…… but.”
“I avoided mother because I knew you would feel uncomfortable with me, so I avoided you on my own. I’ve never been hurt. I don’t expect much from anyone in the first place, so I don’t get hurt easily.”
At those words, Siord was hurt again. Seeing her expression, Cedric sighed.
“I’m sorry. But this is me.”
“…….”
“I’m sorry that mother felt guilty because of me. But I didn’t know that mother would think that. I don’t think there’s a reason for that.”
Siord felt dizzy at the sharp and calm tone.
Perhaps she thought of her child as a completely different person.
“I thought mother was just avoiding me because you felt uncomfortable. Actually, it’s not that I don’t understand it….….”
Hearing those words, something surged inside Siord’s heart. She jumped up from her seat and said.
“That’s not true! How can I do that? You’re my child…….”
Cedric blinked in surprise. In her belated embarrassment, she quickly fanned herself as she sat down.
“Sorry. I was too worked up, wasn’t I?”
“Not at all.”
Cedric still looked surprised, even though he said so. He spoke a little awkwardly, unlike him.
“Just now…… I felt it. It’s weak, but still.”
“…….”
“You really have always loved me.”
As he spoke, a soft smile appeared on his lips. Siord understood what he meant. She looked like she was about to cry.
The smile that Cedric shows now is a smile that is so warm and gentle that she has never expected even in her dreams since that day, a smile because of genuine happiness.
After a few moments, Siord spoke quietly.
“I want to meet that child again. Can you tell her so?”
“…… I understand.”
“And bring me the stationery. I should write a late reply to my sister too.”
She doesn’t know what to say first. Because it’s been so long.
But even that came back as a belated pleasure.
After a long journey, Siord is back where she really ought to be. That fact made her proud and happy, and she unwittingly put on a smile that came from her heart.
Translator Note: Me TLing this while livestreaming TMA 2022
