Zeke, who was eye-level with me, stared at me, waiting for I don't know what. I felt so many different feelings, but had no way to express them all. My face was paralyzed but my heart was racing. I swallowed down all the questions like, 'why would she do that?', 'do you guys not want me around anymore?', and 'was this planned or spontaneous?'
I settled for one that I felt was most important. "Did you find him?"
Zeke didn't give away any hints. "Do you want them to find him?"
I shook my head. No way. Not even a little. He didn't come back for me once in the last ten years. "I don't understand why you guys would look for him? Weren't you supposed to be visiting colleges?"
Zeke gave a crooked smile and patted my head. "It isn't such a big deal like you think it is. I didn't look at all. Mom even kept it from me for a few days. She only looked with her limited free time." He took his hand back. "She didn't find him. In fact, I don't think she has a big desire to either."
I let out a sigh of relief. But..."Then why would she look for him?"
"Maybe your social worker or therapist asked her to." He started to stand up. "Don't feel so worried about the 'why'. It's what adults do. It's only natural for them to want to find your dad. Just because they find him, doesn't mean he'll suddenly get custody of you. There's a process." He stretched his legs. "There's also the possibility of him not wanting you either. Will you be able to handle that?"
"I would prefer that." I stated honestly. He looked at me funny. I put my hands together and clenched one another. "He already made it obvious that he doesn't want me. He's been gone for ten years." And...he took my brother, but left me. "If he really wanted me, he wouldn't have left me. Or maybe he would have at least come back." I looked out to the field where everyone had already started warmups. "I like being with you guys. You're all nice in your own way. And your parents are something out of a movie."
Zeke smiled with a warm expression. "Mom and Dad are pretty great." He looked down at me. "So you'd be okay to forsake your own family for mine?"
Forsake? That's a pretty strong word. Yet.. "Haven't I already been forsaken?"
Zeke's smile became pretty weak. "Jake...I..." He stopped. For the first time since I've known the Atkins, Zeke was speechless. A flash of an emotion crossed his face, but quickly disappeared before I could figure out what it was. "Jake, I don't know everything about how you grew up, but I want you to know, it won't be the same with us."
I laughed a little, feeling slightly awkward. "I know. I like it here. It's a million times better than how it was."
Zeke nodded, looking satisfied. He patted my shoulder and then nodded towards the field. "We're late. Any other questions you want to ask?"
I shook my head. What questions I had leftover could be saved for Dr. Moore and Mr. Atkins. Like why they want to find my dad? I'm obviously abandoned by this point. My mom has been locked up for more than half a year, and he never appeared. A decade of no communication...I think it's safe to say he's a lost cause. Or he thinks I'm the lost cause.
"Let's get going." Zeke pulled me from my thoughts. He waved me on and led me to the dugout, where Drew was waiting, talking with Coach. "Here's Jake. I'm going to go join the guys." He set our bags down, grabbed his glove, and quickly changed into cleats. He joined the rest of the team in the outfield.
"Jake, come." Drew patted the bench. "Take a seat and lets go over what's going on with you right now."
I sat down.
"I'll leave him with you then." Coach nodded. He faced me. "If you were hurting yesterday, you should have spoken up. Don't keep it to yourself. I'll be in charge of whether you should push through or not."
"It didn't hurt yesterday. Just closer to betime and then especially when I woke up." I spoke up.
Coach looked to Drew.
Drew nodded. "Delayed onset muscle soreness. Common for people making a drastic change in the gym or trying something completely new at a high intensity level. Easy to recover from." He eyed me. "Have you been slacking on keeping hydrated?"
I gave a weak shrug.
"Okay, I'll leave you to it." Coach told Drew. He looked at me. "Make sure to listen. We still have a game in two days. An important one. Be ready for it." He exited the dugout leaving me alone with Drew.
Drew stood by where I sat. "Lay down and let's go over what's sore and hurting. Then we'll start stretches and light exercises to combat this. I'll also give a massage and instructions for what you should do for the rest of the day."
I nodded obediently. I would do anything to stop this pain.
