204.1 – I Don’t Want to Understand
“Little Ling’s character is similar to Qing’er’s. This old one thought that Lady Xue would get along with her.”
Gong Jing clasped his hands behind his back and uttered regretfully.
Her character similar to Little Qing’s? Xue Qilin snorted coldly.
“That was a bit too much. Do you think I’m in that sort of mood right now?”
Gong Jing shook his head bitterly upon hearing Xue Qilin’s complaint.
“Anyhow, that servant girl whose character similar to Little Qing’s…” Xue Qilin’s words are full of malice, “Was she supposed to remind me of Little Qing?”
Gong Jing was taken aback at first, and then replied frankly, “This old one won’t deny it.”
His tone is a little disconsolate.
“This old one… both loves and hates Qing’er.”
“You should know that Little Qing is innocent.”
“This old one knows, this old one knows, this old one knows…”
As if chewing on food, Gong Jing mumbled several times, more talking to himself than anything else.
“Hey, if you know, then why are you still doing this to her?”
Xue Qilin looked at him with a sharp gaze and raised an obvious question.
As a result, Gong Jing just released a long sigh.
“This old one knows that Qing’er is innocent and understands that what happened that year was just an accident. But despite all this, it is an indisputable fact that Qing’er brought about the dystocia of this old one’s daughter-in-law.”
“That’s a fallacy!”
Xue Qilin looked away in disdain and went back to her seat. While his eyes followed her figure, Gong Jing slowly followed up and sat down opposite her.
“So you pushed the blame on Little Qing?”
Xue Qilin picked up her tea cup and pressed it against her lips. Consequently, her voice sounded muffled. Gong Jing poured himself a cup of tea, took a sip, and then stared sluggishly at the tea.
“This old one didn’t want to, but it became like this unwittingly.”
“Now that you realized it, why not change?”
“Lady Xue doesn’t understand.” Gong Jing sighed heavily, “Understanding does not mean being able to accept.”
Xue Qilin fell silent, while Gong Jing proceeded to talk.
“Every time this old one sees Qing’er, this old one can’t help feeling aversion, aversion at her existence, feeling that it would be great if she could trade places with Yang’er.”
Emotion and reason often run in the opposite direction.
Even though he understands that it was just an accident, that no one is at fault, but he still resents her unconsciously and uses anger to fill the hole in his heart.
Xue Qilin understands this. But just like Gong Jing said, understanding does not equal acceptance. Well, she doesn’t want to accept Gong Jing’s explanation.
Don’t do unto others what you don’t want done unto you — putting oneself in other’s shoes is really difficult at times since people are selfish. Xue Qilin is selfish as well.
“Enough.”
Xue Qilin put down her tea cup heavily.
A clear sound rang, and tea splashed from the cup and wetted her hand.
“Stop talking. I don’t want to forgive you, I don’t want to forgive the Gong Clan, so — stop talking.”
Xue Qilin is afraid, afraid that once she empathizes with the Gong Clan, she will feel that the treatment Gong Tianqing was subjected to could not be helped. She must reject what the Gong Clan did to Gong Tianqing. Otherwise, it would be really unfair to Gong Tianqing.
What’s more, imperceptible influence is something quite scary.
If she acknowledges Gong Jing, she will probably become another Gong Jing in the end. In this way, when she encounters a similar situation in the future, she is likely to make the same choice as Gong Jing.
She doesn’t want to be like this, she doesn’t want to hurt her most important people.
Gong Jing hesitated for a while. But then what he said in the end was this.
“Perhaps Lady Xue’s reproach and hatred towards this old one will aggravate this old one’s guilt towards Qing’er. That’s also good… it can enable this old one to remember that this old one has wronged her.”
Xue Qilin doesn’t want to continue to look into the contradiction in Gong Jing’s heart, nor does she want to comfort him. For her, Gong Jing is dispensable. Therefore —
“Did you find anything? Do you have any news on Little Qing?”
Although the topic changed quite abruptly, but Gong Jing easily adapted to the change.
“This old one is really ashamed.”
His implication is that there “is no news.”
After not obtaining a satisfactory answer, Xue Qilin stared at him ferociously.
“It’s been almost four hours!”
Gong Jing promised Xue Qilin that he would bring Gong Tianqing back unharmed and agreed with her that the most important task at hand is to find Gong Tianqing’s whereabouts, hoping that Xue Qilin would put aside her biases for the time being. Xue Qilin, worried over Gong Tianqing, finally agreed to Gong Jing’s request.
“This old one understands. However, Lady Xue should know better than this old one how capable the Shadow Gate is.”
Xue Qilin looked away and said nothing.
In fact, she has long realized that she is being difficult, that she is just venting her inner restlessness on Gong Jing.
As everyone knows, in addition to assassination, the Shadow Gate is also expert in breath and whereabouts concealment. Consequently, it is asking too much to find Gong Tianqing, who was abducted by the Shadow Gate, in just four hours. What’s more, since she can’t do it herself, she really has no right to blame Gong Jing.
Xue Qilin raised her tea cup, but before she could take a sip, she put it down again. She is virtually wearing the agitation in her heart on her sleeve.
Gong Jing, who is taking in the whole scene, consoled, “There’s no need to worry about Qing’er’s safety for the time being, since the Shadow Gate wouldn’t have abducted her for no reason. He must have some demands for us.”
“Of course I know that!”
If the Shadow Gate was really after Gong Tianqing’s life, it would be easier to assassinate her directly. Since they have not done so, they are likely to take Gong Tianqing as a hostage and offer a deal to the Gong Clan or the Merak Temple — or maybe both.
Even so, Xue Qilin still can’t persuade herself not to worry.
“Lady Xue, it’s almost dawn.”
Gong Jing suddenly informed her. Xue Qilin frowned and asked the other party what is meant by that with the look in her eyes.
“Lady Xue didn’t sleep all night. Coupled with the fight last night, Lady Xue should be quite spent, right?”
“So what?”
“This old one has instructed for a guest room to be prepared for Lady Xue. Lady Xue should have some rest. As for Qing’er, this old one won’t spare any effort.”
“Won’t spare any effort?”
Gong Jing replied, “yes”, in a deep voice, a serious expression on his face.
“Okay, I’ll bear it in mind.” Xue Qilin got up, “I will take action on my end. I think that the Merak Temple should be more familiar with some ways of the Jianghu [1] than you. Let’s exchange information at a scheduled time.”
“Very well.”
Gong Jing revealed an expression of relief, and then stood up.
“This old one will take Lady Xue to the guest room to have some rest.”
Xue Qilin shook her head slowly, refusing Gong Jing’s kindness.
“I have to go back.”
Then, she looked out the window.
The other end of the sky already has signs of gold light. The night is slowly retreating.
As Gong Jing said, it’s almost dawn.
[1] – Jianghu – is a section of society consisting of martial artists, gangsters, thieves, beggars, prostitutes, merchants, entertainers, and anyone else wanting to operate outside of mainstream society or in the grey area of the law
