Right now, Shang wasn't sure what he should think or feel.
He wanted to say that he was hurt and that he was shocked that Jerald would think that Shang would kill him.
Yet, Jerald's concerns were actually correct.
Why hadn't Shang told him?
Because Shang was afraid.
Not afraid of what Jerald would think of him, but afraid of Jerald killing him.
Shang wanted to tell Jerald, but he wanted to become powerful enough to resist Jerald first.
"I never wanted you to find out," Shang said slowly.
"Well, now I know," Jerald answered with furrowed brows.
After a while, Shang looked to the side. "You are the only friend I have left in this world, and I didn't want everything to break down between us."
"You are willing to do some bad things for your own power, Jerald, but you still have morals, and you care about the greater picture," Shang said. "I was afraid that if you knew about the reality of my Affinity, you would tell the world. I was afraid that you would sacrifice me for the world."
"Is that such a bad trade?" Jerald asked with a deadpan voice.
"Of course it's not a bad trade," Shang said. "Nearly everyone would choose to make that trade. Why would you want to doom millions, if not billions of people, to die early just so a friend of yours can continue on the path to power?"
"And that's why I couldn't tell you. You would do what's right, but what's right is not what I want," Shang said.
Jerald snorted. "Power? For power, you are willing to sacrifice the entire world," he said with some disdain. "You don't even need to die. You could just sit back, create a family, and live your life out in peace."
"You can do anything you want. The only thing you can't do is to become more powerful."
"Yet, even with an entire world at stake, you are not even willing to make such a small sacrifice," Jerald said.
"You're cold and selfish, Shang. You only think about yourself, and you will destroy absolutely anything that stands between you and your goal."
"When we crossed eyes earlier, I was still uncertain about the image I had of you."
"But instead of confusion, concern, and worry, I only saw hostility and hatred in your eye. You looked at me like you would look at an enemy."
When Shang heard that, he felt a stinging pain coming from his chest.
For a while, Shang didn't answer.
"How can I not be cold and selfish with this Affinity?" Shang asked. "Working towards my goal means endangering everything I care about."
"The Abominations kill people, and I can't control every single Abomination that appears in this world. As I become stronger, everyone I care about will be under more and more risk unless they stand beside me all the time."
"And if they actually stand beside me, I need to fear for my own life. The more people spend time with me, the more likely they are to find out the truth about me."
"Shang, don't talk like you didn't have a choice!" Jerald shouted. "Your choice was not the world or your goal. Your choice was actually your life or your power!"
"Power is great and all, but what point is there to power when you are alone?"
"What point is there to power when you feel nothing but grey emptiness all day?"
"What point is there in living for a long time when the long time you have is wasted on so much training that years pass by like seconds?!"
"You are putting the cart before the horse, Shang! We don't live to become powerful. We become powerful to live!"
"One little sacrifice, Shang. Just one little sacrifice of not training anymore would not only save millions, if not billions, of people but also allow you to live a happy and fulfilling life!"
"As long as you don't train, you don't need to be alone!"
"Shang, there is no point to your training except for the reason that you want to!" Jerald shouted.
"And is that so bad?!" Shang shouted back with a narrowed eye. "Everyone else can become powerful, but I'm the only one that's not allowed to?! Do I not have a right to become powerful like everyone else?!"
Jerald took a deep breath. "No, you don't," he said slowly. "Not when it literally risks the continued existence of the world."
"What's even the point of becoming powerful when everything around you will turn into a dead wasteland?"
Shang and Jerald looked at each other for several seconds.
"You want a greater purpose to my training?" Shang asked.
Jerald's eyes narrowed.
SHING!
Suddenly, something appeared in Shang's right hand, and Shang threw it to the ground in front of Jerald.
"There's your purpose," Shang said coldly.
Jerald furrowed his brows as he looked at the long letter Shang had just thrown to the ground.
The letter floated over to Jerald, who then read it.
The first couple of sentences already threw Jerald into wild shock.
Shang had thrown Lucius' letter over to Jerald.
Shang only waited in silence while Jerald read the long letter.
"This was part of the reward from my last trial," Shang said neutrally, looking at the wall with a calm expression.
Jerald didn't answer since he was still reading the letter.
After a couple of seconds, Jerald finished the letter, his expression transforming to concern.
"Is this your goal? You want to become powerful and stop the Abominations once and for all?" Jerald asked.
"Do you remember when we went to Agon regarding the Bloodline Infusion?" Shang suddenly asked, not answering Jerald's question.
Jerald's brows furrowed. "Yes?"
"Back then, I asked you what your philosophy for becoming powerful was. You told me that you invested in young and weak people so that they would one day repay you."
"You told me that, depending on one's viewpoint, your philosophy could both be good and evil. Good because you are helping people, bad because you are doing it with the intention of being repaid."
"Actions and intentions."
"The same thing is true for my case. I want to become powerful because I want to be powerful, not to save the world. However, when I am powerful, I am willing to do everything in my power to stop the Abominations."
"My intention is not to save the world, but my actions will save it."
"Think of it what you will," Shang said evenly.
