Lilith was not having fun. In fact, one could even argue that she was feeling the exact opposite of fun right now.
After all, there was nothing else like being smacked in the face by the consequence of your actions to sober up rapidly.
It all started the day after Lilith kidnapped Camelia and fled farther outward.
Lustburg was without a doubt a very powerful Kingdom. In all of history, whatever adversity the Kingdom faced, no matter how far it fell, it would always stand up back again and rise to the top.
All of this had been thanks to the different rulers of each generation— The Blessed beings of the royal family. They were the Kings and Queens of every generation.
Lilith was perhaps the first Queen in the history of Lustburg to not be Blessed and thus her reign was not welcome. She did not have any legitimacy to the throne, as only Blessed were allowed to govern the Kingdom, and because of this, she had to fight all the way to become respected as a Queen.
She had to put down many riots, face many schemes, and rise above everything to take the crown of the Kingdom. That was how half of her life had gone on.
For all the above reasons— Lilith hated Lustburg with a passion. [1]
Deep resentment from losing her loved ones during the war and bitterness about how much she had to fight even though she did not even want to become the Queen and take responsibility of this wretched kingdom.
All of this mixed with her thoughts of self-harm, inability to sleep even a wink, and her desire to die and so many more things… Yeah, life had not been good to her.
For her, ruling the Kingdom had always been a sort of burden. A burden she would gladly leave to Sol once he became old enough or any time he wished to get back the power that was rightfully his.
But despite all this bitterness, there had been one thing Lilith prided herself in… The thought that, at the very least, she was doing a very good job at being the Queen of the kingdom.
.
.
.
“I was too lax, it seems.”
“Please, your majesty forgi—”
The man who was begging on the ground had his head flying before he could even finish his sentence.
Lilith ignored the look of terror the inhabitants of the place were throwing at her and swung her sword with no hesitation whatsoever. No blood had even landed on it with how fast she moved the blade. But she simply hated how she had to cut something so filthy and stain her weapon with it.
Standing next to her, Camelia could only flash a bitter smile on her face as she approached the inhabitants of the small city.
“Do not worry. Justice had been given and the oppressor was disposed of. May I know who is the second representative of the town?”
“I am.”
Getting much calmer now thanks to her holy aura and gentle appearance, a young man approached from the frightened crowd and Camelia nodded before placing a hand on his forehead.
“With this, you will have my mark for a few days. Visit any church and explain the situation. Everything will be taken care of by them.”
“Thank you! Thank you!”
Camelia gave an even bitter smile when she watched all of them kneel to her in gratitude even though Lilith was the one who did the job in the first place.
She wished to speak and explain the situation to them but a look from her old friend stopped her from doing so. In the end, she simply sighed and placed her hands together in a prayer sign…
“May the guidance of the goddess be with you.”
Meaningless words those were… as the goddesses would never bother themselves with the plights of simple mortals that had no impact in their meaningless games.
.
.
.
A few hours later, even though darkness had already fallen, songs of joy and happiness were sung, and burning torches illuminated the city.
A small impromptu festival was taking place and the citizens were happy to have finally been freed from the clutches of their hateful lord.
Sitting far away from the fun and the songs, Lilith brought a mug of beer to her lips and chugged it all down in one go. Compared to the alcohol she could drink in the castle, it wouldn’t be a mistake to say that it tasted like horse shit but she chugged it down regardless. She needed some alcohol in her system.
She seemed to have forgotten the fact that… with her current body, she couldn't become intoxicated anymore.
“A few golds for your thoughts.”
Camelia reached Lilith while holding a plate full of meat and other such food in her hands. She had received so many small gifts from the people that she had to simply flee from the crowd.
Lilith just shrugged in answer, “I am just thinking about how foolish I was to think I was doing a good job as Queen.”
Camelia stayed silent before lightly biting on the meat, “You are— were doing a good job. Thanks to you, Lustburg's national power never fell. The army became more powerful than ever and no one dared to rise a wave in the capital.”
“Indeed… In consequence, nearly all parts outside of the capital and the territory of the Dukes were suffering.”
Lilith had not tried to make Lustburg better. All she wished was to keep the legacy that was given to her intact and then pass it on to Sol in the same way when it was time.
In a way, she was no different from those corrupt nobles. After all, she only cared about her own needs and forgot her duty to the people.
“Lilith. You know my past, right?”
Lilith looked up in wonder at her friend but nodded regardless. Camelia was originally a village girl. [2]
A blind girl raised and loved in a small village before it was attacked and massacred by a bunch of bandits.
“This was during the era of your father. The nobles were rampant back then and the position of all the villages was even worse than it is now.”
“So. I guess I should be happy I wasn’t the worst ruler.”
“Well… You weren’t exactly the best, so you need to take what you can and be satisfied with it.”
Lilith laughed lightly at the humor and stole a fried chicken leg from Camelia. The meat was definitely much tastier than whatever that beer was made of.
“Hey! Go get your own!”
“Sorry, pretty sure they would flee or kneel in fright if I approached them.”
The two laughed and began to look at the stars in silence.
“So. Will you tell me? Why you kidnapped me?”
“Because it seemed fun?”
“Lilith…”
“....Well… I am scared.”
Camelia opened her eyes wide and grabbed Lilith by the hair, “Who are you and what have you done to my friend? Out with it, you imposter!”
“Stop it.” Lilith swatted Camelia's hand aside and looked far into the distance, “I am ashamed to admit it. But I am scared to meet Lilin alone.”
Her voice was soft and filled with quivers, a testament to the nervousness she was feeling right now…
“There are so many things I want to do now and many more I want to obtain. But I do not know if I am worthy of them. Self-doubt and hesitation fill my mind. Even though I have gotten a second chance at life I wonder if I am deserving of it. I am scared to be told that I woke up too late.”
She chuckled ruefully…
“So I decided to laugh. Rather than crying and whining as I did for decades, I decided to have fun and face any adversity with a smile on my face. Hoping that somehow it would make things better… It didn’t.”
Lilith looked at her hands, “Hey, do you think I am being too greedy right now?”
“Oh yes, you are.”
Camelia’s answer to this question was immediate and blunt. She was not going to pull her punches, it seems.
———
[1]: Go reread CH 49. It was Lilith’s speech and thoughts in the coliseum. I honestly don’t know how many of you guys go reread a chapter when I put this reminder.
[2]: Read Camilia's first interlude.
(AN: So I know I promised happiness; I wasn’t lying. We need some bitterness to enjoy the sweetness. Like with Nent or any other character, Lilith's growth will continue to show beyond her arc. Once again, Lilith didn’t forget her path. It’s because she didn’t forget that she is trying to change. She is doing it awkwardly and clumsily in her own way.)
