Kaichen didn’t respond. I wondered if he didn’t know what I was talking about. He only understood research and magic, after all. I wondered if I should explain everything. God, this will be embarrassing!
“I don’t know if you are understanding me,” I continued. “My heart races just by looking at you. I feel like I am losing my mind whenever I see you.”
Kaichen still didn’t say anything.
“Oh god! Is that not enough? What I mean is… I want to hold hands with you. I want to kiss you and hug you. I want to be intimate with you as a romantic partner…”
“Stop!” Kaichen spat out. His chest was heaving. His brown skin was red now.
I was scared that I had said too much and made him angry. His eyes looked wild. He closed them and breathed deeply. Had I made him furious? I felt strangely warm. I didn’t know if that was because I was scared or ashamed.
Did I not explain clearly even then? The way he avoided my eyes and didn’t respond made me feel that I wasn’t clear with my words.
He was a man who had lived his life buried in magic and books without ever interacting with a woman. So, I thought he didn’t know what I was talking about. I didn’t know how to convey my feelings. When I had asked Julius on how much I should say while confessing, he had encouraged me to make it as clear as possible because Kaichen could be a little dense in that regard.
“Teacher, I don’t know how to explain…,” I said. “It’s like when animals… mate. I want to be like that with you. I…”
“Dalia!”
“Yes?”
“Just shut your mouth!”
I did as I was told. I blushed bright red and kept quiet, not having the courage to continue further. I hoped this time my message was understood. Kaichen’s copper-coloured skin was as red as a ripe apple.
I confessed and took Julius’ advice to make it as clear as possible. I thought Kaichen wouldn’t have an idea about what romantic partners meant but his reaction was more intense than I had expected. The golden petals fluttered aggressively as though in sync with his emotions. The garden seemed to sparkle because of the sun that reflected off his magic.
I was glad I would still have this beautiful memory to look back on. I would remember Kaichen in the middle of it all, looking like an exquisite painting.
Even if I was rejected, I would hold on to this memory. It will be painful and sad, but I had no intention of leaving his side. I would learn magic from him as his disciple and never mention it again. I had done my best. At least the truth was out.
I wanted to know what he felt. Kaichen was still staring at the floor, his eyes narrowed. He then looked at the petals in his hands and then looked at me. He took a deep breath. I was confused. He didn’t look like he had heard me. But he chewed his lower lips, and his chest was heaving. His fists were clenched, and he was breathing deeply. I knew I had angered him.
“Teacher, it took me all the courage I ever had to make this confession. It hurts my heart that you are so quiet. Please say something… anything.”
“You are so shameless. Where do you even come up with these words?” he said.
“I… but did you understand?”
“…”
“I just wanted to say it very clearly in case you don’t understand my meaning.”
“I would have understood it fine with even a few words.”
“I just… you only know magic. I didn’t want any confusion.”
Kaichen raised an eyebrow and approached me. He looked up at me sitting cross-legged on the wall with fierce eyes.
“How do you know?”
“What?”
“How do you know that I only know about magic and nothing else? How can you be sure of that?”
“I… What else do you know then?”
My throat was dry. Kaichen looking at me with that intense gaze made me feel nervous again. Like the reddish sky, Kaichen’s warm gold eyes burned with passion. I flinched at his gaze. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“The things that go on in that mind of yours appall me,” he said slowly.
“Well, I just wanted to convey my feelings very clearly.”
“Like this?”
“Look, I just wanted it to be nice so that I will have a beautiful memory to remember you by even if you reject me.” I chuckled, sheepishly.
Kaichen burst out laughing. I was stumped. Did he not understand me? Does he think of this as a joke?
The hope and expectation of him liking me back was slowly replaced by disappointment in my heart.
“I don’t want to be just a memory to you.”
“So, then are you going to avoid me from now on? We could pretend like this never happened.”
Kaichen frowned. “Why do you say that?”
“I mean, is there any other choice? After rejection, we can only try to ignore each other. I knew that there was no chance that you might like me back…”
“Why not?”
I looked at him, speechless. “Teacher… do you like me too?”
Now it was his turn to look cornered. He avoided my eyes.
“Tell me!” I wished it would be the answer I wanted to hear. I tried to calm my pounding heart. I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Then I asked again.
