They said it was New Year's, but not every household was lively and festive. In a small tavern deep in a narrow alley, it was still deserted. The woman selling liquor had a complicated background. After experiencing that major disaster over a decade ago, she was now alone, with no family or friends left.
For the past dozen New Year's Eves, this woman who sold liquor would sit on the doorstep from morning to night. She would watch the outside scene, whether it was heavy snowfall or biting cold wind. When she truly could not see anyone on the street and heard the cheerful voices from neighboring houses, she would close the door, light a lamp, bring out a jar of the most intoxicating liquor, and then cry and laugh while drinking that jar of liquor alone. Finally, she would lie down on the table and sleep, spending one year after another.
But this year was different. In her small tavern, there was a man other than her, that Lord Song.
Originally, whether there was this Lord Song or not made no difference to this woman who sold liquor. However, as the outside light dimmed, almost becoming too dark to see, Lord Song spoke up and asked her to prepare some food.
The woman who sold liquor turned around, looking at Song Yingxu sitting at the table with a puzzled expression.
Song Yingxu smiled and said, "Consider this the last New Year in my life. I'd like to make it a bit more dignified."
The woman who sold liquor was momentarily stunned. She had intended to say something, but now she could not utter a word. She just got up silently and went to the kitchen. It was her first time cooking on New Year's Eve in all these years.
But this way, it did indeed bring a bit of human warmth to this tavern.
Not long after, the woman who sold liquor brought out some dishes. They were all home-cooked, including a stewed old hen.
"Lord Song, please don't look down on it."
The woman who sold liquor glanced at Song Yingxu and untied her apron.
Song Yingxu smiled and shook his head, looking at the ordinary dishes on the table. He said with varied, "In the last year before leaving the Divine Capital, it was extraordinarily lively. Many people in the clan took turns toasting, and I endured for an hour. But in the end, I couldn't take it anymore. Taking advantage of their inattentiveness, I pretended to be drunk and hid. Later, I really fell asleep. When I woke up, it was already midnight. The guests had dispersed, and the only one waiting by my side was her. Seeing me wake up, she brought out a bowl of chicken soup to help me sober up."
Upon hearing this, the woman who sold liquor also felt touched and said, "Lord Song's wife must be an extremely gentle woman."
Song Yingxu nodded slightly and said softly, "Indeed, but one's spouse is dictated by parents and words of the matchmaker, I've never cared about matters of love. So, I can't really say there were any feelings. But I didn't mind either. At that time, my mind was only filled with becoming a marquis or the premier."
The woman who sold liquor sighed, "A man can have ambitions, be able to pursue his aspirations in the world, but for a woman, her whole life is just living for her husband. If her husband treats her well, her days naturally become better. If they live under the same roof but are like strangers, it feels terrifying to think about. That's a whole lifetime."
Song Yingxu fell silent for a moment, gazing at the bowl of chicken soup. He did not speak for a long time.
At this moment, it was unclear if the man before him felt a twinge of guilt for the woman who had long departed from this world.
The woman who sold liquor scooped a bowl for him, also remaining silent.
Song Yingxu slowly lifted the bowl of chicken soup, took a sip, and then spoke in a calm tone, "Perhaps for her, having a dazzling husband isn't as good as having a husband who comes home every day with a smile, and help her draw her eyebrows."
The woman who sold liquor said softly, "It's too late for regrets."
Song Yingxu smiled and continued on his own, "On the day of the imperial city fire, everyone in the clan was in danger. They were deeply worried about their own futures, cries of despair filled the air, and many had already started thinking of ways to escape. I sat at home undisturbed until she came to find me. She hadn't packed her bags; still dressed as usual. She told me she knew I didn't want to surrender, and she was willing to die with me for the country. But I told her I didn't want to die; I wanted to continue serving His Majesty. Although the throne was temporarily lost, I'd one day reclaim it for His Majesty. She nodded with a smile, then left and jumped into the well."
The woman who sold liquor asked in confusion, "Why?"
A trace of pain finally appeared on Song Yingxu's face. His two hands that he placed on the table trembled slightly as he said softly, "A woman like her, she was naturally intelligent, aware that if she didn't follow me, it would surely cause significant trouble. But wanting to take her with me was even more difficult." "So, she never asked about my thoughts; she made the decision for me. Did I really not know what would happen to her after we met for the first time? I did, but I remained indifferent. Watching her leave was like watching her go to her death."
At this point, the woman who sold liquor showed some anger on her face, looking at this Lord Song and said in a deep voice, "Lord Song, didn't you have any other options at that time? Even if you couldn't take her with you, you should have ways to ensure her safety!"
Song Yingxu said in a low voice, "Indeed, I could have thought of countless ways, which could perhaps have saved her life..."
Talking up to here, Song Yingxu shook his head, tears already welling up in his eyes.
But the Song Yingxu of that time had no understanding of the value of something lost and the importance of cherishing it.
He only prioritized the restoration of the country, believing that everything else could be given up.
In the following dozen over years, there were countless sleepless nights where he felt that he owed nothing to anyone in his life, except for that woman.
"Bring out a jar of alcohol."
Song Yingxu looked at the woman who sold liquor, his voice calm, "Sometimes I wonder if a man's so-called ambitions and ideals are really that important. Except, there's no conclusion."
The woman who sold liquor brought a jar of wine and placed it in front of him. She was about to turn and leave, but after some thought, she spoke, "I presume that woman still had no regrets even up to the very end, right? But this way, it's even more heartbreaking."
After saying these words, the woman who sold liquor turned and left.
Left alone, Song Yingxu poured himself a bowl of alcohol and another for the empty seat across from him. With tears streaming down his face, he choked, "Thinking about it carefully, wouldn't it be a fortunate thing for both of us if we never became husband and wife in this lifetime?"
In life, important matters were often only clear in the end.
As these words fell, the tavern's door suddenly swung open, and a gust of cold wind blew in.
A figure appeared at the doorway, covered in snow.
"Lord Song, long time no see."
