I could not take my eyes away from him. It was just impossible to do so.
No matter how hard I tried, I still could not help but look at C. From the start to the finish of today's study session, my attention had been on a particular faceless individual and his inner thoughts.
Because my bangs were in the way, I had a limited visual field that could only make out one figure.
And that lonely figure was none other than his.
Far on the right side of the classroom, where no one else but the shadow people existed, C sat alongside them. Contrary to my location, which was right next to the window with a fantastic view, he only had a bland white column on his right.
While I could freely enjoy the sight of the fluttering sakura petals when the time comes, C would not have any changes. And even at this time, when there were no flowers, I could still feel the nice breeze that occasionally came.
Over on his side, there was nothing.
His position and Han's position had stark differences. C had to sit in a place without anything and anyone remotely human. On the other hand, Han could enjoy his life to the fullest behind my back with Rachel by his side.
As for C, he was the furthest from the rest of us. Even Laura was closer to us than to him.
One was the nucleus of this world. Everything was created and built just for him. The other was a fodder character whose destiny was to become a nobody.
Isolation.
It was the one word that came to my mind when I first thought about C.
He did not have a friend to talk to nor anything to do. I thought he was always bored since he could not stop talking in his head. Or even worse, he was lonely. And probably discussing with invisible readers was the only way for him to maintain his sanity. I could understand that quite easily, to be honest. What else could he possibly do when around him were beings that could not converse in the slightest?
If I were in his position, there would be a high chance of me getting broken beyond repair. Despite the dreadful outcome that could have happened to him, classmate C was still not showing any signs of madness.
How did you even manage that, C?
Sometimes, the guy would glance over here at my side to check. Without any facial expressions, I could still make out a sense of curiosity in him.
Of course, his face would then meet either mine or Rachel's. I did not think he could see my eyes because of the bangs, but Rachel probably had something for him in store. Because right upon catching a glimpse of Rachel's eyes, C would scream inside his head out of fear and divert his gaze forward.
It was just as he said.
[Eyes forward, dick downward.]
A vulgar sentence, there was no doubt.
Yet it created such a nostalgic feeling deep in my heart.
He was so funny that I could not help but laugh a couple of times while hitting my desk, which caused him to pay attention to me. For real, though, how could I have taken all of that shenanigans with a straight face? Everything he said and did was hilarious and adorable at the same time. One might call it cringy, even. Not just once that I had to withhold my laughter with everything I had.
However, everything had its merits.
Behind that humorous personality was something else. Underneath all the jokes and the ridiculous advice was someone who did not even notice the true desperation they were dealing. Just some attention from Laura, and she had made him baffled beyond his comprehension.
His wit was a facade, a curtain to hide a prisoner: himself.
Classmate C was a prisoner because of his free will.
Such irony.
Such a ridiculous irony this world had created. C gained sentience, but that sentience became a prison cell.
In his own words, he had been through countless resets.
How many years, decades, centuries have you been sitting there, C? For how long had you been seeing the same script happening over and over and over again? What did you feel when there was no hope at all?
How long had it been for him to suffer that on your own? So much so that you could only care about the story rather than yourself?
Through his inner voice, no matter what kind of emotions he had, I could still make out a hint of depression and sadness.
It did not make any sense to me. I was not supposed to worry about Classmate C. According to the script, the man I should vouch for was behind me.
Yet my heart ached tremendously seeing C being isolated away like that. His actions told me the story of someone who had not received actual interactions in a long time. He was jumpy and was easily startled when things did not go according to his memories.
That gave me a glimpse of him always following the main storyline like a puppet. For someone with their own free will, he got imprisoned by this game. C's thoughts told me the story of someone who got cut off by the world, a background character.
He must have changed, somehow. I do not believe he had always been following the script. But now, the faceless guy only wanted the story to progress. There must have been a big event that drove him to this state.
Why would he want the story to continue?
Why did he think of helping Han to complete the main objectives while being only a background character?
Why did he not try to achieve his happiness? Was there a deeper meaning in the way he had been behaving?
Questions were abundant in my chest.
I wanted to get close to him. I wanted to ask him these questions to satisfy my curiosity. Personally, C was comparable to a unique, never-before-seen novel. I would open him up as soon as I got the chance to binge-read everything from cover to cover. Unfortunately, I doubt it would ever happen.
Although C called me a bookworm, I could not read my books nor focus on the lessons. One time, I even got my book flipped on the wrong side without knowing. Without C's thoughts, I would not have noticed that embarrassing thing.
At first, I did not believe my eyes at all. A person without a face, yet I felt nothing strange about him. It was as if everything should have been like that, a bizarre feeling but also familiar at the same time.
There was no need for me to care or to argue so much. It just felt right.
He was like that because it was normal.
Very shortly, I was unknowingly attached to C, more so than to my "destined" partner, who was sitting behind me. The connection I had thinking about that faceless individual was vastly different than thinking about Han. My feelings were smooth and straightforward, with no forced emotions when C was in my mind. However, the same thing did not exist for the male protagonist of this story.
When I was thinking of C, I had a pleasing feeling of nostalgia. Similar to reading a book or a novel that has all of my favorite tags.
As for Han, rather than a good novel, he was more comparable to educational material. Personally, Han was a physics or a chemistry book that I had to learn, not to read with enjoyment. Things I know about Han were facts, not beliefs.
Thoughts after thoughts, events after events, with the help of C's inner voice, I started to grasp my situation.
It was surprising. I would not lie about that!
In my opinion, one would expect to have a nervous breakdown if one were under my circumstances. I figured Laura and Rachel had had to take some time adjusting to the news as it was something unbelievable. Fortunately, since I was the bookworm in his words, I was already prepared to some extent to face such a harsh reality. I might have read many dark fantasy novels about reincarnation and systems, or at least the game I was living in gave me more mental power.
In addition, there was a feeling deep inside of my chest calling me to approach C.
That feeling was not subtle, not at all.
For some reason, I yearned for him. I needed C desperately.
I wanted to protect him, to keep him safe from harm, from the others. Seriously, who could ever believe I would feel such intense emotions for just a classmate. I had no recollection of him, but there I was, bickering with Laura over some discussion they had in class.
That had to be me, I unconsciously screamed within my mind.
At one point, I heard these sentences.
[The loneliness kills people, literally. I know that feeling very well and how depressed it can be.]
The scene in front of my eyes changed.
I was still in the classroom, but everything was off.
C was sitting further away, looking at us talking to each other with his featureless face. Laura was not with him. Instead, there was a vase of flowers on her desk.
In addition, we were not in our normal uniforms. Everyone was dressed in black.
On the board in front of our class were these words:
"In memorial of our class representative, Laura."
