It is dark. It’s not just the darkness of closed eyes. Not even a shadow, an overwhelming nothingness. I couldn’t look at it but knew it could see me.
A chill set in. The darkness seemed to flow through my veins like an unseen whirlwind. I slowly gained control of my body as if it were a dream, but I knew I wasn’t in one.
A space of imagination?
Between the floating consciousness and the state of non-existence, I began to vaguely feel my existence. And I realized that I, too, was being recognized by someone. A gaze, then a dozen, then thousands in the next moment, and then tens of thousands, poured down on me like a shower of sparks.
“Ugh-!!”
I was only being gazed at. Even from a distance that I couldn’t fathom, they pierced through my lungs and brain. In the intervals between, I died countless times and revived again. Something seemed to prevent me from even allowing me to depart.
What saved me from being swept away by the torrent of darkness was the alien gaze that approached, repelling those gazes. Alien, indeed, but they were not hostile. The gazes gathered like a tide in the face of that presence. It did not allow the darkness to proceed beyond it.
Was it not the Holy Sword that called me?
I grasped the situation and opened my eyes with great effort. The battle unfolding on the distant horizon was just within my vision. The fight was lonely and harsh. Slowly regaining my senses, the aftermath of the battle reached me bit by bit. The aftermath pushed me out of the dream.
You mustn’t come.
I gradually disintegrated into small chunks as if being torn apart. From my toes, slowly creeping up my leg, chest, then finally head. Amid the shattering pain, I faintly saw a white arm wielding a sword.
***
“You seem to have accumulated quite a bit of fatigue.”
As I blinked once, Agnes’ red eyes came into view. The air was cool and fresh. I slowly recalled what we were doing, and I could remember that we were spreading my reputation as the Hero. The event had ended, and Agnes and I were walking in the garden behind the mansion we were staying at.
“…I apologize, Your Majesty. Please forgive me.”
“No need for apologies. Is your body alright?”
Agnes moved directly in front of me and cupped my chin. Agnes’ scent and her soft touch filled my thoughts. Today, an embarrassing statue was erected in my honor, a street name changed, and my story was added to the Bible in the Holy Land.
“…Nothing. It seems I’m a bit tired.”
It was a feeble attempt at an excuse. Agnes’s worried expression pricked at my conscience while my chin was cradled.
“Do you have a lot on your mind?”
“Yes.”
Agnes didn’t speak indiscreetly. While cupping my chin, she gently stroked my cheek with both thumbs, offering a faint smile. My heart would’ve fluttered with this small gesture. If only I had one. What were we talking about? Perhaps it was about the next destination or how to manage the state affairs after.
“How about we go in and rest for a bit?”
“I’m… fine.”
Agnes continued to playfully touch my cheeks. Finding it amusing, she pinched and pulled them, repeating the motion like playing with a toy. Her expression gradually shifted from a dignified smile to a mischievous one.
“…Your Majesty.”
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize I was doing that.”
‘At least try to hide your smile.’ I chuckled and walked beside Agnes again. With steps that seemed a bit more joyful, we resumed wandering through the garden. Despite the winter, the garden wasn’t desolate.
“It’s been two months since we left the Capital.”
Agnes spoke while looking up at the starry sky. Honestly, I was reluctant to idolize and make myself a symbol of hope. However, setting that aside, it was quite an enjoyable time.
Throughout the journey, I enjoyed lively conversations with Daphne. When I wanted moments of quiet, I would have tea with Marianne and savor the stillness. I exchanged senseless jokes with Georg and occasionally chatted with Bishop Andrei, who preached to the believers. However, I spent most of my time with Agnes.
“Are you not worried about matters concerning the evil gods?”
Reflecting on the people we traveled with and the stories I had experienced, I asked Agnes. She was gazing at the tendrils holding a vine.
“You ask such foolish questions.”
“Asking about obvious facts sometimes places significance on the act of asking itself.”
“Do I seem worried to you?”
At that playful question, I couldn’t help but laugh. Agnes, too, chuckled and turned her head towards me. Her red eyes always seemed different under the moonlight.
“Answering a question with another question.”
“Do I have to repeat your own words to you? Or do you claim it’s not an obvious fact?”
I showed a puzzled expression. Indeed, it was challenging to engage in verbal sparring with the Queen. Agnes seemed to enjoy my moment of confusion and resumed walking after a brief pause. She spoke again after we circled the garden twice.
“After much contemplation and several changes of heart, I decided to have faith, even if only once.”
“What kind of faith are you talking about?”
“A belief that this will prevent the evil gods’ arrival. A conviction that our actions can prevent people from suffering insurmountable pain.”
The wind blew. In the winter breeze, there was a scent reminiscent of cold bark.
“I thought it wouldn’t be right to tell people to believe without having faith myself. So, I decided to experience that faith firsthand.”
Agnes spoke with a genuinely pure voice.
“Anyone hearing me might think my mind is filled with a garden of flowers.”
“…In that flower garden, the flowers are people, and Your Majesty is the soil, unknown to those who stand on it.”
“Then you must be my sun in that case. Quite a favorable metaphor, I must say.”
Suddenly, I stopped in my tracks. The word “faith” shook me so profoundly. Was I genuinely believing in myself? Was I carrying the same conviction while imposing faith on others?
“Now, let’s head to the North.”
Agnes murmured softly. My head turned instinctively towards the direction of the biting wind as I heard her words. Suddenly, a sense of nostalgia overwhelmed me. The freezing breeze, the snow-covered evergreens, creaking window frames, and the scent of damp wood chips. Agnes, who was looking at my face, laughed.
“Did you miss the North so much? Your expression resembles someone recalling their first love that ended in heartbreak.”
Did my face look that lost? I felt awkward and cleared my throat with a cough, dismissing Agnes’ words.
“I promised to visit again. I’m glad I can keep that promise now.”
“You probably didn’t want to keep it this way.”
“Once I make a promise, I will fulfill it. While this may seem odd now, it won’t be the same next time I go.”
My beginning, my end. Turning my head towards Agnes, I reflected on the tasks I needed to perform in the North. I didn’t know when I would be informing her of this plan, but I felt the need to remind myself of the tasks at hand.
“What’s going on?”
Agnes gently inquired, meeting my gaze. As I tried to articulate my thoughts, a jumble of words swirled in my mind, making it difficult to decide where to start. Unable to fumble through a vague explanation, I chose to be impolite and continued to select my words in my mind.
“It seems like you have something to say.”
Agnes raised her eyebrow with interest. In her red eyes, I recalled the eyes of the Holy Sword. Although they shared the same color, the essence of the light was entirely different. If Agnes’ eyes resembled the essence of flowers and blood, the Holy Sword’s eyes were closer to the exotic glow of jewels.
“…It seems important.”
Agnes erased the smile from her face and looked at me with a bit more seriousness. I was still organizing how to express myself, and Agnes’s expression gradually lost its calmness. A slight sense of restlessness crept onto her face, and her lips trembled slightly.
“Why are you hesitating to say something? Just… tell me… anything will do…”
A faint blush appeared on Agnes’ face. Her eyes revealed a strange anticipation, shimmering with moonlight and starlight.
“Well…”
I roughly outlined how to convey the story in my mind. Just as it is, I should tell her what I feel. Am I becoming more of a follower? Embracing the role of a divine messenger and religious figure? I might have hesitated about two years ago, but now, I welcome it. If people’s beliefs increase, the threat of destruction diminishes.
“Your Majesty, I…”
The sound of swallowing saliva pierced through the brief silence. It was only then that I could adequately examine Agnes’ face. Her usual composure was nowhere to be found. Realizing what she might be anticipating, I, too, swallowed my dry saliva.
“There’s something I need to do in the North.”
A question mark floated above Agnes’ head. Her expression indicated she couldn’t quite comprehend what I had just said. Finally grasping what she might be expecting, I, like her, swallowed my dry saliva.
“Something…?”
Agnes blinked her eyes. I gave her a moment to organize her thoughts. As she continued to increase the number of question marks in her expression, I continued speaking, feeling like I was swallowing thorny nightshade.
“A fight.”
“Fight?”
Agnes furrowed her brows. I tightened my grip on the Holy Sword at my waist.
“Moreover, it’s related to a story I’ve been hiding until now.”
Sensing that it was an unusual tale, a chilling light flickered in Agnes’s eyes. Thinking about the arm that held the sword, I started to talk.
***
My teacher, mentor, companion, and foster mother. While I knew well what she meant to me, I didn’t understand what she was and why she aided me. Although she introduced herself as the will of the sword, her words sometimes couldn’t be simply interpreted as it.
My sword, my hero.
Guided by the Duke Quenor, I entered a room with a refreshing scent. It was where I obtained the power of the Crown of Thorns. Marianne, who entered the room with me, looked around with an expression that seemed to convey a sense of longing. She appeared as if she felt nothing, but I could tell she felt the same as I did.
“Brings back memories, doesn’t it?”
“You’ve learned to say such things now.”
Marianne partially closed the door and looked at me.
“Will you come back?”
I placed my hand over my heart and raised the corner of my mouth.
“Of course.”
Faith in the Hero had significantly risen. People’s beliefs prevented the approach of the evil gods and elevated my status closer to divinity. The accumulated power and wishes guided me on how to embark on the final battle.
“I’ll be back soon.”
“I believe you. So do your best.”
Marianne gathered her hands as if in prayer and spoke.
“When you return, don’t forget to travel with Lady Daphne and me.”
“Now that’s something I can’t miss.”
Marianne completely closed the door of the room as she left. I waited until her presence disappeared from the mansion, then took a thin breath and closed my eyes.
Slowly, I unraveled the magical shackles forming the shape of my heart. At the same time, awakening the power of the Crown, I gradually entered my consciousness.
Something warm grew from my left chest and slowly spread throughout my body. The warmth seemed to steal away the senses of my body, vaporizing me. Like that, wrapped in darkness as if covered by a blanket, I opened my eyes to a familiar space.
