Chapter 185: What You Must Shoulder
Heneryes and Helgenas also known as the Lord God and the Demon God are sisters, goddesses who observe the world.
Of the two, Heneryes is the goddess of men. These humans include dwarves, elves, and suins, but they are generally referred to as such because of their different beliefs.
Helgenas, on the other hand, is a demonic deity worshiped by demons.
To summarize, these are the kind of gods you’d expect to see in other fantasy genres, with Heneryes being good and Helgenas being evil.
In a mysterious room filled with pure white light I had a tea party with a being I’ve never met before.
I sipped my tea nonchalantly, feeling like this wasn’t exactly the first time I’d done this.
I don’t know what kind of tea it was, but the warmth of it was enough to calm my nerves.
After a few sips, Heneryes set her teacup down and spoke.
“You have a lot of questions in your head, and for good reason, I suppose, but…”
She’s right, I have a lot of questions.
“…I know the time is passing quickly, but we have enough time for a quick question and answer session.”
Before I could ask the question I wanted, Heneryes read my thoughts and struck out.
“…You’re dead. It’s not normally possible for a human to meet and talk to a god unless that’s what happened, is it?”
“…I see.”
I wondered if I shouldn’t have asked that question.
She was a goddess, so she should be able to read thoughts, but it was a slightly unpleasant sensation, so she answered with a shaky voice.
“In that case, I will restrain myself a bit.”
“Ah…”
Heneryes smiled bitterly as she said it, as if she’d read that thought.
‘That bothers me.’
Her smile was false.
“…Why did you seek me out, Ms. Heneryes? Even if I were dead…I wonder why you sought me out, out of all the many, many humans who die every day.”
I blurted out a question with many implications.
“Many, many humans…”
Heneryes trails off at that question then her lips part once more.
“…Do you really think so?”
“What?”
“One of many, many humans, is that how you define yourself?”
“…”
“Don’t you realize that you’re far from normal?”
“I can’t deny that, of course, but don’t you realize, Lord Heneryes? That I am not of this world.”
“Alas, was that what you meant to ask, why I, a god of this world and not of Earth, appeared when an Earthling died……”
“I suppose there’s nothing wrong with that, but… When you called me earlier, didn’t you call me my child, because that seemed a little odd to me.”
“……”
A shadow fell over Heneryes’ face as I continued.
There’s something there, too.
She knew a secret I didn’t.
Heneryes fiddled with her teacup and then spoke.
“…Because you were once my child.”
“……”
I shook my head, unable to make sense of Heneryes’ words.
That means…
“The body is certainly of Earth, but the soul within it is not.”
“…So you’re saying that I was originally a human of this world?”
“Yes, you were, in a previous life… as you call it.”
“…”
I had a past life?
It didn’t make any more sense now, but it still didn’t sink in, perhaps because I had no memory of my previous life.
“The first was my apostle, a saint.”
“A saint…”
“You were a companion of a hero in a time far, far away from now. Grieving for his companion, who had been slain by a demon, the saint begged me to help him break these miserable shackles, and since I also wanted to break the shackles, I granted your request…and that was the beginning of your journey…”
Heneryes’ voice trails off, her eyes wistful and her voice weak.
“You’ve been a saint, you’ve been a king of a ruined world, you’ve been a demon who tried to burn everything to the ground, you’ve been a demon who tried to replace the demon king, but despite all your efforts, you couldn’t break the shackle. The shackle is, after all, the disease this world is suffering from.”
“Wait. I was also a demon…Demons are…”
“…Demons, those under the control of Helgenas. It was a mistake, but you didn’t reject it; in fact, you said you might be able to find a way to break the chains.”
“I never thought of that…”
Was I so desperate that I would give up being human?
“…In the process, you become exhausted and as a result you’ve experienced more deaths, more grief, than you ever have before. Maybe it was a limit…”
“……”
“At some point, you wanted to rest, and I had to listen, because it was also my desire.”
“And that rest was…”
“It was life on Earth. But then you came to me with some unexpected news, it turned out to be far from the rest you wanted. I suppose that’s what life is all about, but I couldn’t bear to leave the child I loved behind, and in the process…”
“…The game. That’s how you made contact with me.”
“Yes. Though it may not be obvious since you have no memory of it.”
“What did you do to me?”
“I gave you the memories of your previous life.”
“But…”
“This is what you wanted. You said you didn’t think you could do any good by carrying the memories of your past life, that you couldn’t move forward, so…”
That was a pretty bad judgment call but I would have done the same thing.
“In truth, I was given two choices: to remain at peace, erase your memories, and live on Earth, or to step into the path to break the shackles once more.”
“You’re quite cruel, Ms. Heneryes, setting me up for that… There is no way I would choose the former.”
“……”
Heneryes mouth tightens.
For me, games are a way to create an intimacy with the characters, the people I’ll meet, beforehand.
They make it impossible to give them up.
“In my defense, I didn’t make the game. He was the one who pitched the plan to me, and, well, as it turned out… I fell for his trick to make it look good.”
“Who was he?”
“The God of Earth.”
“Earth had a god too?”
“Not just on Earth, but on every world with intelligent beings, there is a god, sort of like a ‘manager’.”
“But I thought I heard that Earth was destroyed.”
“Yes, there’s no more humanity left, if you can call it that, and the God of Earth took advantage of that. He made a deal with me that if there were no more worlds for him to stay in, he could take up residence in this one for a while…”
“…That’s not fair, the Earth God…”
Heneryes chuckles softly at my grumbling.
She doesn’t seem too offended by my criticism of the gods. In fact, she seems pleased that I cursed at him instead.
“For your information, you’ve already met him.”
“I’ve met the God of Earth?”
I had never met such a being.
“He’s lost his godhood and is now a mere mortal, but if you look hard enough, you’ll recognize him.”
Heneryes clears her throat and continues in a calm voice.
“In any case, I have sinned against you. I promised to give you rest, and I failed to keep my word. You are a being I love and cherish, and yet I could not be more pleased to see you back in this world. All I have left is a deep sense of guilt… I suppose this meeting is an act of confession. I wanted to know if you could still be truly happy with your choices after hearing the whole story… I wanted to know.”
“I am… I am, and I think I understand why I made the choices I did.”
Heneryes’ eyes widened at my answer.
“If anything, I should be grateful. I was so happy to be able to save Aizel….”
Heneryes gives a small, sheepish laugh.
“…You are still the same, you know.”
“Was I like this in my previous life?”
“Well, it varied from time to time, but for the most part… the kindness with which you cared for your comrades, the bold determination to see things through, even if it meant sacrificing yourself for the sake of the outcome…”
“Well, when you were a demon, you were a bit more cocky than you are now,” Heneryes muttered softly.
“Even if you don’t have any memories, it’s all there in your soul, and just because I’m a god doesn’t mean I’m omniscient; I can’t erase what’s written on your soul.”
I nodded faintly at her story, then I blurted out my next question.
“By the way, why aren’t I wearing the blindfold…?”
My clothes were still on but I wasn’t wearing it.
“Oh, it doesn’t really mean anything, it’s just that it’s not really necessary for the conversation we’re having, and you wouldn’t want to talk to me naked, so…I left your clothes on.”
“That’s right…”
Talking to God naked… I’m not sure I want to do that.
“Who made this? The blindfold…”
“It was a collaboration between me, the God of Earth and you. Even though your soul is of this world, your body is of Earth, and I thought you might need to adjust, so I put a little of my power into it… just a little. Were you satisfied?”
“…Yes.”
I said in a shaky voice and gave her a thumbs up, and Heneryes smiles broadly at my gesture.
“Come to think of it, we’re carrying on a fairly civilized conversation for a transcendent being.
I wonder if she and I were that close.
Or was she just looking out for me?
“Hmm…a little of both, if I had to guess.”
“……”
I glanced over at Heneryes, who had read my thoughts.
I took another sip of my tea and thought hard since too much information was coming into my head at once, and I needed to organize my thoughts.
The original me, the first me, was a saint of the world… the beloved child of Heneryes.
And in that previous life, I sought to break the shackle that bound this world.
How the hell am I supposed to break it?
I feel like I have a new goal.
I used to think about what to do after the end of the game.
Even though it’s not my goal, it was my goal in a previous life, so I can’t let it go.
“Even if you don’t, I have something to tell you about that. It’s something you told me to tell you someday, when I was looking through your memories, and you said you’d found a hint of how to break the shackle.”
“…A way to break the shackle?”
My ears perked up at the mention of hints, and I asked myself. What hints had my past self left for me?
“Become a king, and see the similarities between the habits of demons and the ‘game’…You left those words behind.”
“Hmmm…”
Become a king.
There was nothing about this that touched me yet.
‘That’s something I’ve heard before…’
It must have been the Earth God who dropped that hint to Geppeti.
Then there’s the commonality between the game and the demons in the real world.
…I vaguely recognize the meaning of this one. Or, more accurately, what players and demons have in common.
Demons grow stronger by killing living things while players get stronger by killing monsters and gaining experience to level up.
In other words, the players and the demons were quite similar.
“Lord Heneryes, may I ask you a question?”
“What is it?”
“…Have demons been killing humans since the beginning of time?”
“You’re asking the same question as before.”
I’ve asked her this before but it’s only when the thought hit me that I wonder about it.
“But as before… that’s a question I’m afraid I can’t answer right now, as that information is beyond my purview.”
“…I see.”
“But it doesn’t hurt to dig into the past and find the answer yourself. There might be information about this somewhere in the world.”
“I see what you mean.”
I needed information about the demons of the beginning.
If my hypothesis holds true, I might be able to find a way to break the shackle.
Why do I need to break the shackle?
Maybe it’s because it’s what I wanted in my previous life.
Still, when I thought of Rei, the current hero, it seemed right to cut it off.
The rebirth of the Demon King, the reincarnation of the Hero and the unbroken conflict between demons and humans.
Heneryes’ description of the world’s ills was not an exaggeration.
“There will be unpredictable things in the future, Zetto.”
“…What do you mean?”
“Helgenas is on the move, and she must have noticed my intervention but even if she did, she won’t be able to hasten the Demon King resurrection… ”
“You mean his minions, not the Demon King, might be resurrected sooner.”
Heneryes nodded at my answer.
“But I don’t know exactly when.”
The Demon King minions resurrected with the Demon King are his alter egos.
There are four of them in total and although I never meet them in the game, I know their names.
“…So that’s how it is, but with the death of the Legion Leader’s right-hand man, it’s not as if the demons are doing nothing.”
“…That’s going to change a lot of things.”
Heneryes sounded concerned.
“Haha, I guess so.”
I laughed.
So much would change that I can’t even begin to imagine the aftermath of this but Aizel didn’t die.
Defying that fate was enough to satisfy me.
“…I’m afraid we don’t have much time left.”
At the sound of Heneryes’ voice, I turned my head to follow her gaze.
“They…”
The dark hands I’d seen earlier were filling the white space.
“They are the power you imprinted on your body, the tears of the dead.”
“…They look tormented.”
“They wouldn’t have wanted to be there either.”
“If I’m resurrected, will they disappear?”
“The souls themselves will wear out, and they will return to nothingness.”
There was a reason for their anguish.
It’s sad to be forgotten without leaving anything behind.
“…Then why not just use a minimal amount of power, enough to allow for a resurrection?”
“But then you won’t be able to fully regenerate, are you sure you’re okay with that?”
Heneryes, whose gaze was on my left arm, tilted her head.
“It’s fine. One arm…”
“Then…”
I stopped Heneryes as she tried to use her hand.
There was a hint of panic in her eyes as her arm was grabbed.
As if reading my mind, she lowered her arm.
“I just thought it was something I should carry…”
“I understand.”
“…I’ll be back.”
With those words I take a step towards the hands that stretch out towards me.
***
I just thought it was something I should carry…”
“I understand.”
Heneryes understood his thoughts and she loved that about him.
“…I’ll be back.”
Her child walked away in silence as the dead closed in on him slowly.
Zetto was swallowed up by the darkness and his voice was muffled.
“…It must have been terribly painful, and I can’t begin to imagine how much it must have hurt.”
Zetto’s voice was hollow as the pain of the dead was reaching him.
“But I want to build a world where what you went through will never happen again, a world where this can never happen, so… I need you to help me.”
Zetto was trying to convince the dead.
“It’s very painful to be forgotten. It’s empty and lonely, so… I’ll remember, I’ll remember your names, I’ll remember them over and over again, I’ll carry them on my shoulders and move forward.”
His clear, straight voice was filled with gentleness and kindness.
The warmth was enough to ease the anger of the dead.
Suddenly, the hands that held him were illuminated as the darkness that enveloped him was transforming into a pure white light.
“…It’s all right. The others can rest easy now. Thank you so much for indulging my greed.”
Heneryes couldn’t hear what was being said between the dead man and Zetto, nor did she care to listen.
She didn’t want to interrupt his atonement.
Zetto continued to recite the names as many, many names echoed in the white space.
The meeting with Zetto was coming to an end and as she watched, Heneryes whispered a silent goodbye.
‘My child…’
The words she could never get out, weighed down by guilt.
‘I no longer desire your love. And yet I still love you…’
***
A vast, blue sky.
A breath of fresh air.
At the end of it, the man’s lips part as he ruffles his jet-black hair.
‘Nice view.’
‘……puhhhh.’
I heard a chuckle at my joke.
It was definitely his voice, but it didn’t sound like him.
Zetto was laughing so happily over there, why couldn’t I?
“….”
At that moment, I heard a foreign sound in my ears.
“…Yuri.”
The sound became even more distinct, and the memories before my eyes shattered.
In front of me was a mirror large enough to hold my entire body.
Black stood out beneath her tightly braided red hair and her jet-black dress was drab and formal.
I stared down at the ice crystal in my hand, the one that held the memory of Zetto.
“Yuri, are you ready…?”
I turned my head at the sound of another voice.
“……”
It was my father calling me.
Dressed in a black suit similar to mine, he walked over to me with a sad face and took me in his arms.
“…”
I wondered why he was stroking me.
I wondered why he was at the academy.
I wonder what kind of day it is.
I absentmindedly touch the thought.
It was Zetto’s funeral.
Zetto, smiling on the deck of the airship, was already dead.
Just a moment ago, it was a sweet fantasy, and now it was reality.
“…Ugh.”
Tears filled my eyes with pain.
As usual, illusions make reality even more painful.
Still, I couldn’t stop.
I wanted to see Zetto.
