Chapter 193 – Night of the Confession
A few days passed since then and the semester’s closing ceremony arrived.
Since the day coincided with Christmas, those who had been admitted to their universities on recommendation or those who had already secured a job were happily talking about their plans for the rest of the year.
Meanwhile, I was stressing over my studies. At my high school, aside from mandatory classes, students that were preparing for exams could choose to study at home. I just needed to persevere a bit longer since the exam period would come soon.
As planned, we would be going to grandma’s house during the New Year’s break.
My room back at her house was still intact, so I could study there.
The change in scenery might help me concentrate a little better.
Before the others left the classroom, I quickly packed my things and walked toward the door.
When I passed by him, Matsuda noticed and called out to me.
“See ya, Asanagi. Good luck with your studies.”
“Yeah… Are you going to the party today?”
“Nope, I gotta work today. Gotta help my uncle with his construction. Poor me, huh? I’m still a high school student and I have to work hard for cash.”
“Your part-time work, huh? Sounds tough.”
“It’ll make for a good experience at least. Also, I won’t refuse extra money. I need some for my nightly activities~”
“Nightly… I see.”
He probably got a girlfriend from a mixer or something. His atmosphere was more lively than usual, so that was probably the case.
I thought we were living in the same world since we didn’t have the time to fool around, me with my studies and him with his work, but it seemed like I made a fool of myself.
Well, I didn’t envy him or anything. Hell, I didn’t envy anyone, really. I was too occupied with trying to get into the university of my choice.
After saying my goodbye to Matsuda, I headed to my cram school. We had a mock exam the other day and today they would post the results on the bulletin board.
Last time was a bust, but I was confident this time. Of course, there was no way that I would get straight As or something like that, but if my grade improved, that would be good motivation for me at least.
Sadly, things didn’t go as well as I hoped.
“D again…”
The same grade, but my overall score was worse than the previous one. My teacher even recommended that I change my target university.
I studied hard every day and it paid off. I was always at the top of the regular exams at my school.
However, my school’s standards were low. When it came to higher level exams, the best score I could get was B. Even then, it only happened once and the harder I tried to improve my grade, the more it dropped.
Why couldn’t my grades get better? Did I not try hard enough?
‘We both got A’s anyway, let’s hang out and relax today~’
‘Sure! It’s Christmas Eve anyway. Forget about studying, let’s have some fun!’
After finishing my consultation with my cram school teacher, a boy and a girl who looked like a couple walked past me while holding hands in an intimate manner.
“So carefree… Do you not care about your exam at all?”
I muttered that to myself, but after getting that low grade, even that muttering felt empty to me.
“Was Matsuda actually right? Should I try to relax a little? …Well, it’s not like I have anything else to do at home other than playing games or working out.
Looking back, I’ve done nothing but studying ever since I entered high school. The reason I enrolled at my current high school was because I failed to get into the public school I originally wanted to go to. In other words, I f**ked up.
Because of my frustration at the time, I decided to make up for it by doing well on the university entrance exam. So, I prepared myself for the exam daily, never skipped any classes and kept reviewing everything that I’ve learned. Of course, I tried not to overdo it, I took breaks and played my favorite games sometimes.
But in the end, there wasn’t much difference between my score and the score of the guys who spent their days idly in class.
I bit my lip in frustration. There was no way that I could accept this outcome. Just as my mood was darkening, my phone rang.
Shizuku texted me.
[Merry Christmas, Rikkun! Can’t wait to see you during the New Year’s!]
There was a picture of a christmas cake attached to it. Instead of replying immediately, I put the phone back in my pocket.
In my current state of mind, nothing I saw could cheer me up.
“I don’t wanna go there…”
Under the cloudy skies with tiny snowflakes falling here and there, I muttered that sentence.
I didn’t have the face to meet Shizuku.
* * *
Although I really didn’t want to go to grandma’s place, my whimsical feelings couldn’t change the plan that my family made at the last minute. In the end, I stayed at her place with my mom and sister for the New Year’s.
As soon as she heard of this, Shizuku immediately invited me to come over.
“Hehe, it’s been a while, Rikkun. You got taller again.”
“Yeah, I’m almost as tall as dad… Also, it’s been a while, Shi-chan.”
It’d been a while since I last saw her. She was even prettier than I remembered. She had above average height now, unlike back when she was a child, back when she was still a shortie. Her body curved in the right places. There was a thin layer of makeup on her face, making her pretty face even prettier.
She looked better in person than in pictures.
“Where is your family? They aren’t with you?”
“Y-Yeah… They said that they’re busy today, so they let me stay here by myself. S-So, we are the only ones here now…”
“I see…”
Because I’ve known her since I was a kid, I was also familiar with her parents. If they were here, I would probably feel a little more at ease,
Back then, we were always together, but as we got older, we gradually became more conscious of each other.
After telling grandma and mom that I would be with Shizuku, I left the house.
“…As usual, it’s stupidly cold here.”
“…Ah.”
The two of us walked shoulder to shoulder while stepping on the snow. When we were kids, I used to hold her hand so she wouldn’t fall down, but I stopped doing that ever since we became middle schoolers.
I was the one who told her that we should stop. It was because I didn’t want people to get the wrong idea about our relationship and make fun of us because of it.
I still remembered what happened back then.
Especially her sad smile when she casually agreed with my words.
“…Rikkun.”
“Hm?”
“Wanna hold hands?”
When I saw her offering her white hand, I was startled.
“Why so suddenly?…”
“You are cold, aren’t you? This will warm your hands at least. It’s been a while since we did it, huh?”
“Yeah, but still…”
I used to do it with her, but back then, we were still kids.
If we were to do that right now, that was like she was trying to imply that we were more than—
“You don’t need to mind people’s stares. It isn’t like their opinion actually matters, besides, no one is looking at us… Here.”
“O-Oi.”
While I was thinking about various things, Shizuku forcibly reached for my hand and grabbed it.
Her hand felt smooth and warm like silk. This was the hand that I used to hold back then and I should be used to this sensation, but… As soon as I was conscious of her as a woman, I began to notice many changes within me.
I couldn’t shake her hand off, so I returned her grasp instead.
“…Rikkun, do you plan on coming back here next year?”
“Probably not. If things go smoothly for me, my university will be in a city far away from here, so it’ll be hard for me to visit. Even if I were to go back home, I would go back to my home instead. What about you?”
“Same here. The inn doesn’t have much profit, so I planned to work part-time to pay for my tuition and living expenses.”
“So, you’ll plan to get a job first, huh?”
“Mhm. I’ll try to get a job in the same city as my campus. I told my parents about this and they told me to do whatever I wanted.”
It depended on the person, but after entering university, their living environment tended to change drastically. Said person might live alone far away from their parents, get a part-time job and so on. They couldn’t act like they did when they were still children, doing nothing but eating and asking for their parents’ money.
She then told me that she was attending the university on a scholarship. That was why she could enter in the first place since the inn her parents managed didn’t bring in enough profits to pay for her tuition.
In addition to working for her living expenses, she still had to think about her studies, club activities and answering the scholarship sponsor’s demands. This girl had been thinking about all this.
“I see. Shi-chan is a proper adult now.”
“No, I’m not. I mean, I’m not even sure what kind of job I should get. Unlike Rikkun, I don’t have a clear idea what I want to do. You’re trying to get the same job as your dad, right?”
“Yeah. Well, not exactly because I want to be in a higher position than him, but…”
As soon as he graduated from high school, my dad entered the SDF. I knew exactly how much hardship he went through. Still, I respected him and his work. It was my dream to follow the same path as him. People kept telling me that as long as I studied hard, I should be able to realize my dream, so I did. I worked my ass off so that I could get into the National Defense Academy. Life there would be tough, but I’d get my salary as soon as I got in. That would lessen my parents’ burden.
Well, it was doubtful that they’d accept me in the first place, but there was no point in saying that out loud.
“Then, we won’t have many chances to see each other like this, huh?”
“I guess so. After graduating from the university, I’ll get even busier. It’ll probably be hard for me to go home even.”
“I see. Your dad is currently overseas, right? If you get the same job as him, you’ll be as busy as him, huh?”
Her face turned downcast as she lost her vigor.
I knew for a long time that eventually I would become an adult. That was why I worked so hard. So I wouldn’t be troubled when I finally became one.
I thought I was prepared for everything, but now that I became aware that I didn’t have much time left, I felt a sense of loneliness within me.
“Rikkun, I know that this isn’t a good place to talk about this, but there’s something I want you to hear… Is that okay with you?”
After walking through the village and finally going back to the backyard of my parents’ old house, Shizuku stopped me.
“Sure, what is it?”
“Um… Well… You know…”
Her face turned slightly redder as water gathered on her eyes.
It was the first time that I’d ever seen this expression of hers.
“I… Like you, Rikkun…”
“Eh?”
After letting out a deep breath, she told me that.
My brain froze because I didn’t expect her to say that, but I wasn’t insensitive enough to keep my mouth shut.
“Shi-chan, by that, did you mean?”
“Yes. I like you as a man. Not as a friend or family… I really like you… As a man…”
“I see. Sorry I asked a strange question, I was just trying to confirm…”
“No, it’s okay. You were surprised, after all…”
To be honest, I kind of expected this. I’ve been keeping in touch with her since we were kids, but she never mentioned anything that was related to her love life. There wasn’t even a single rumor about her dating anyone from my other friends who I still kept in contact with.
Whenever I came to my grandma’s, she would be the first person who would visit me. The way she treated me never changed no matter how old we became. Because of that, I also harbored feelings for her.
That was why receiving a confession like this from her made me feel happy.
After we graduated, we wouldn’t see each other as often anymore, so she probably thought that it would be better for her to confess her feelings to me.
It was very Shizuku-like to say it right to my face instead of saying it over the phone or email.
“So, Rikkun… Um… What’s your reply?”
“Huh? U-Umm…”
Shizuku liked me and I liked her back.
We probably shared the same feelings ever since we were little. Even when we were apart from each other, we kept in touch and maintained our status as ‘childhood friends.’
From children to adults. Childhood friends to lovers.
If I told her that I loved her too, our story would end happily. Even if we were unable to see each other often, our feelings would remain strong. As long as we were connected by those feelings, we would be able to meet again in the future.
Or that was what was supposed to happen.
‘Sorry, Shi-chan. I can’t think about something like that right now… I can’t respond to your feelings… I’m really sorry…’
After my desperate thinking for an answer, that was the answer my sorry brain came up with.
