***
Once she rushed outside, Barbara wiped her tears.
The confrontation with Jean left her feeling exhausted and lonely, but that wasn't all.
She grew to despise the city of Mondstadt itself.
It felt like a prison to her.
She didn't want to stay here anymore.
She soon heard footsteps behind her. Turning around, she saw Yomite walking towards her.
"Yo! Are you two finished? What did Jean say?"
"Nothing important..."
"You sure about that? Because I'm not so sure..." He noticed her eyes were red. It must have been something quite stressful for her to the point she was on the verge of tears.
"Don't worry about it," said Barbara, turning away from him. "I just need some time alone..."
"Are you okay?"
Barbara nodded slowly.
Her face seemed pale and weak, yet she still managed to hold herself upright. "Yes, I'm fine. But could you give me a moment to be alone?"
Yomite's face wrinkled in confusion, but he complied, "No problem." He turned around and walked back inside the headquarters.
Barbara sat down on one of the benches in front of the Knights of Favonius headquarters.
Tears began streaming down her face, dripping off her chin and onto her white frock.
She didn't care if anyone would see her or not.
Barbara always thought that she would only allow herself to feel depressed for thirty seconds or so before snapping out of it. That way, she could bring joy to other people at all times...
But enough was enough...this time was different—she had been crying for far longer than expected, and felt almost as bad as when she was on the brink of death all those months ago.
If someone saw her now, people could have called her pathetic for crying over something as insignificant as being yelled at by her big sister, but Barbara didn't care.
She couldn't stop thinking about what Jean said to her.
'Mondstadt... Mondstadt...It's always Mondstadt! I hate it. I hate this city!'
The more Barbara thought about it, the angrier she got.
She was sick of feeling imprisoned by the city.
The city of Mondstadt was called the city of freedom, and yet it was really just an illusion created by the Anemo Archon whom she worshipped, who also turned out to be a fake person...
She felt betrayed.
Het entire world was almost like a lie.
Ever since she could remember, she felt inferior to her big sister, because she knew how much better Jean was compared to her.
Even if it had just been a simple thing like cooking, Jean always made delicious meals while Barbara tried to put together something edible.
If it came to physical strength, Jean's muscles were bigger than hers.
When it came to magical ability, Jean could cast spells that Barbara could barely comprehend.
Her beauty, too, far exceeded anything Barbara possessed.
She was the perfect person: beautiful, kind, tall, strong, dependable, intelligent, and skilled.
Jean had everything that Barbara could ever wish for—except, perhaps, love.
'Where is my place in the world? Why am I nothing compared to her? Why do I lack the same potential as her?'
These questions ran through Barbara's mind again and again. She truly wondered if she was the only person to feel like this...perhaps there were other siblings who could relate to her? Perhaps not...
She didn't even know why she was so jealous and angry.
Maybe it was because she'd finally snapped after years of frustration and disappointment.
Feeling inferior from birth, worshipping an Archon who turned out to be the drunkard bard he was, then hearing her own sister didn't love her, Barbara felt hatred welling up within her.
She had been wearing a mask for all these years, pretending to be happy, cheerful, and optimistic, spreading joy wherever she went. But now she hated her own smile.
She hated her own life.
For every happy occasion that happened to her, there were ten sad ones. That was just how life was.
She wiped her tears when she realized someone was walking towards her once more.
She simply couldn't get some time alone for herself...there was always someone bothering her.
Looking over, she saw a familiar face, it was Rosaria, a sister of the Church of Favonius.
"...Barbara?"
Her voice was monotone and emotionless as usual.
"..."
Rosaria stared at Barbara with her head slightly tilted downwards.
"...is your life a drag too?"
Barbara didn't reply. She kept her gaze focused straight ahead as she waited for Rosaria to speak.
Rosaria felt like she should say something, but she wasn't exactly the type to act as a shoulder to cry on.
She wasn't the kind of person who could listen to someone else's problems and offer advice or feel pity and she certainly didn't know how to comfort people.
So instead, she sat next to her on the bench and just kept silent until Barbara finally started talking.
"There isn't anything I want to say to you, Sister Rosaria, but...at least, let me apologize for making your work harder in my absence."
Rosaria raised her eyebrow at this sudden comment.
"You should be. It was hell. I hate working overtime, and because of you, I had to use up energy."
"O-Of course. Sorry. I'll take the blame..."
Rosaria let out a small sigh.
"Life sucks."
Barbara snorted. "...I agree. I think it's an obvious truth at this point."
"...It's weird coming from an optimist like you. You're always happy, singing, smiling...I'm too tired for that happy shit."
"Is that what I've become now? A 'too tired for that happy shit' person?" Barbara laughed bitterly. "I guess I've changed."
"You seem pretty depressed. Your usual radiance is completely gone."
"I agree. I can't hide it any longer. I don't think there's any other way to describe it. I am just lost."
"...Look...I've been doing nothing but hurting people ever since I was born, I'm not really sure how to cheer someone up...want to go for a beer or something? A cold one could make you feel better..."
Barbara shook her head. "No thanks. I appreciate the effort though. It was a nice try."
"...I'll leave you alone then. If you need anything just call my name. I'll show up...and use up my free time...even if it's a drag..." Rosaria then stood up and walked away.
Barbara remained seated on the bench and continued to stare blankly at her leaving figure.
RRosaria was cold, and almost ignored everyone. She never took part in conversations, and barely seemed to remember the names of those around her. She didn't care about prayers, or even for anyone else's well-being; she only wanted to be left alone with her thoughts. Being a nun didn't suit her in the slightest.
The only time she spoke was when someone asked her for an explanation about something or ordered her to do something.
Even then, it was a monotone statement that conveyed neither emotion nor feeling.
Her name meant Rose and that's what she resembled: a garden rose without its petals, all that was left were the thorns.
Barbara heard from Kaeya, that shortly after Rosaria was born in a remote mountain village, it was raided by bandits.
After killing everyone, the bandits took her in and raised her to be a cold mercenary. Stealing, hunting, killing, she did everything.
Everything for survival.
Ultimately, the bandit crew was wiped out by the Knights of Favonius.
As their youngest member, Rosaria was judged to have a chance of rehabilitation.
Grand Master Varka brought her to Mondstadt and gave her the role of sister at the Church of Favonius so she would repent and change her ways.
Sincerely hoping that she may someday fit in here and that her heart was at the right place.
Still, Rosaria was never the type to forgive others or accept someone into her heart, but she did help Barbara several times.
Albeit their relationship was quite awkward, and they started talking only a few weeks back, Barbara was the closest thing Rosaria had to a friend, and seeing her suffering was starting to bother her for an unknown reason....
There was a weird lump forming in her chest whenever she looked at Barbara's face.
