"Sit," Haruki instructed, patting the spot next to him.
June pursed his lips and quietly did as Haruki instructed him to. The grass tickled his palms, but he couldn't focus on the sensation because of everything that was boggling his mind.
The chilly breeze rustled through the leaves. The sun was just setting, so the orange hue added to the drama of it all.
June sat silently beside him, his presence a haunting reminder of the bast.
"It's been a long time," Haruki began, his voice barely above a whisper. "Since we became trainees, I mean."
June nodded, glancing behind him to gaze at the engraved letters on the stone.
"Well, you entered Phoenix even earlier than me. You're basically a fossil. I can't believe you also entered earlier than my brother, Haruto."
June chuckled. "I must have really wanted this dream."
"Yeah," Haruki clenched his fists. "You must have been very desperate...very, very desperate."
June sighed as he looked down at his palms.
"Up until now, I still don't understand," June honestly said. "Why do you hate me this way--do I even deserve it?"
Haruki scoffed as he pulled some of the grass from the ground. Then, he closed his eyes before letting out a deep breath, calming himself down before he revealed his past feelings and experiences.
"I never wanted to be an idol, you know," Haruki started off, his tone becoming lighter as he thought about the beautiful past.
"I dreamed of having a job where I could help people with their suffering...to make them happy," he started off.
"So, I naturally wanted to become a doctor."
"My brother, on the other hand, wanted something entirely different. He wanted to go to the entertainment industry because he was great at singing as a kid. He couldn't find anything he was passionate about aside from singing, so when he was recruited by Phoenix on the streets, he immediately agreed."
Haruki smiled as the memories flooded back to him.
"I was happy for him, of course. The two of us had dreams that we wanted to achieve, and our parents were very supportive of it," he smiled even wider this time.
"Hearing my brother's stories was really fun at that time. It seemed like he finally found something he was passionate about."
"However," Haruki continued, his brows furrowing. "Being a trainee was only the first part of his dream. Being an idol was his ultimate goal."
"Yet, as years passed by, he continued training...and training...and training. Somehow, I saw the spark in his eyes decrease every time he went home. However, whenever I asked him to stop, he always answered the same thing."
"June's still with me. If June could endure it, then surely I would be able to. He has trained even longer than I have, yet he's still here," Haruki meaningfully said, gazing into the distance.
He paused, his throat tight with emotion. "Years passed by, and the promise of a debut never came for him. Instead, it strayed further and further away. More and more people started stomping down on his dream."
"But he endured..."
"...because he had you."
Haruki's gaze fell to the ground, his fists clenched in anguish. "At that moment, I liked and disliked you at the same time," he admitted, his voice choked with emotion. "Because you made my brother stay in the profession he loved, but you also kept him in such a dark place."
June bowed his head, unable to meet his gaze.
"So, I decided to trust him," he continued, his voice trembling with bitterness. "That must have been a mistake."
He paused as the memories of his brother's suffering burned painfully in his mind. "The spark in his eyes started losing even more," he recounted.
"And then, that's when I decided to intervene. I decided to also become an idol trainee."
June's breath caught in his throat.
"I tried to protect him," he whispered, his voice trembling with regret. "But I couldn't."
Haruki looked at him. "Even then, I didn't know what was happening behind the scenes," he confessed. "All I knew was that my brother and you would be called to the office more often than others."
"And then, it happened," Haruki whispered. "One day, I saw him inside the office, and when he came out, his face was ghastly pale. But he didn't open up to me. He opened up to you instead."
June vaguely recalled the memory. At that moment, it did seem like the Haruto he knew wasn't the same person anymore.
His mouth moved in his visions, but June couldn't hear a sound. He couldn't read his lips, too.
Haruki's eyes burned with anger, consuming him. "And then I heard the rumor," he spat out.
"That they decided that my brother wasn't going to debut and that you would be debuting instead—because you took up the favor that was supposed to be for him."
June's eyebrows furrowed deeper. This was new information to him. He thought it was more simple than it looked.
However, what was this about a favor?
He looked at June, his eyes accusing and yet pleading for understanding. "And before I knew it," he whispered.
"He had jumped from the rooftop, and he lost his dream...while I lost the brother that I knew."
"You were there that night," Haruki clenched his jaw. "You knew he was suffering. You knew he trusted you. You could have saved him."
"But you didn't," his voice broke.
"I'm sorry," June couldn't help but apologize even though it wasn't really him who was with Haruto during that night.
"I'm really sorry."
But the apology offered no solace, for the pain of their loss was a wound that could never fully heal.
They were silent for a moment, with some of June's questions still not being answered.
Just then, the loud ringing of Haruki's phone resounded in the garden.
"Finally," Haruki whispered, bringing out his phone. "That bastard is here."
"I can't believe he told me to meet here when he isn't even around yet."
June frowned in confusion, wondering what was happening.
Haruki wiped the tears from his eyes and answered the phone.
"You're late," he deadpanned.
"We're by the gravestone."
Then, he ended the call.
"Who's that?" June asked, still confused.
"My brother."
