I was back in the fall of my third year of middle school.
I stood at the chess venue of the final round of the World Junior Chess Championship.
I headed to the chess table in the center, passing through several flagpoles in the spacious venue.
And then, my coach came running and hurriedly called me.
— Euishin-ah, wait a minute.
It was just before the start of my game, so I wondered what was wrong.
My coach looked more nervous than me these days, so I was a little worried.
I turned around and went to my coach.
— Wear this.
My coach held out a chess player’s uniform donned with sponsor patches.
For a moment, I didn’t understand why.
I looked over my protective glasses and onto the corporate logos on the clothes.
I grasped his intention and clicked my tongue.
Depending on how the competition might turn out, Korea could be having its first champion ever.
Sponsors wanted me to wear their logos at the moment that Korea’s first junior champion would be crowned.
— I focus best when wearing my school uniform. You know that.
— I know that, but there were requests that you wear this in the final round…
— I didn’t hear anything about that.
— Euishin-ah!
Ignoring the coach who tried to force the uniform into my hands, I went back into the venue.
I was quite sensitive since it was moments before the final match.
I didn’t understand why the coach decided to do that at this critical moment.
Even sponsors know that I always wear my school uniform during important games.
‘Isn’t it better to not wear their logos in case I don’t win?’
I don’t think the coach was giving me a choice, but I couldn’t think deeply about it since I was immersed in the competition.
After everything, I belatedly heard about the death of my family and found out that I couldn’t play chess anymore…
It was only a few months after that I could afford to look back on how things turned out.
Holding a chess piece with my cold hands, I repeatedly recalled the events before and after I lost my family.
‘He knew that my face would be circulated in the media regardless if I win. Is that why he wanted me to wear the uniform?’
I never confirmed if that was the case, but it was clear that my coach was acting strange.
If I had caught on to my coach’s odd behavior early on, I would’ve found out about my family’s death.
I’d have been with my family to send them off.
[Do your regrets start here? No, I think there’s more…]
The scenery changed again.
I was back home when my family was still alive.
It was right before I left the country.
I tried to go out quietly, but my younger siblings with messed up hair came out to the front door, their eyes still laced with sleep.
— Hyung, buy us some presents when you come back.
— Oppa, are you still mad that I ate your snacks? I’m sorry.
— Do you want this one?
My younger siblings held out chocolate bars that they already bit into and some candies that perhaps they received for free.
These fraternal twins often fought and cried, but only at times like this were they in perfect harmony.
They tried to give me snacks when I get angry, but they almost always fail to resist the temptation and take bites out of the snacks before they give them to me.
I was young, so back then I thought they were teasing me on purpose.
So I didn’t even reply to my siblings.
— I guess hyung didn’t want the snacks ‘cos he’s gonna ride a plane.
My siblings looked sad, and my parents tried to wrap up the situation.
I was also upset with my parents at that time.
They always say that the eldest should give way to the younger ones.
They tell me that I have a lot of chances to eat good snacks at the hotels that I stay in, so I should just give my siblings what they ask for.
It wasn’t the luxurious food and snacks that I want…
I just wanted to eat the food that my parents bought at a local bakery.
I just wanted to eat with my family.
— Be careful. Listen well to your coach, and call me if there’s anything wrong, okay? Never mind the time difference.
— …Have a safe trip!
Perhaps because of my nervousness, I was afraid that I’d explode and say something wrong to my family.
I looked at them one last time, nodded my head roughly, and turned my back away.
That was the last time.
All the gifts that I bought for my family were put up in the cinerarium.
As I calmly looked at the gifts next to the four pieces of chrysanthemums, I heard a voice again.
[Strange. You are 17, but you have memories beyond that age. Though it’s blurry and I can’t see it well…]
Has he not found a gap in my mind yet?
There was no sign that my energy waves were eroded by my opponent.
‘My mind doesn’t think I want to stay here.’
Of course, those were times that I regret.
I would want to go back and stay, if possible.
But I know that it isn’t.
I know better than anyone else that no matter how much I pray and look back, I can’t turn back the time.
And so I was able to maintain my sanity, even when my opponent recreated scenes of the past.
But of course, the situation wasn’t good.
‘I don’t know how to escape this place yet…’
My hands have been cold since earlier, and my breathing hasn’t been steady.
[But I’m sure you’ve been alone ever since you lost your family. Aren’t you lonely?]
The former head of the association spoke in a very soft voice.
I can imagine him as Sung Gukeon, looking like a kind man who soothed a crying child.
[I can show you a fantasy where you’re not lonely.]
Does he want to tie me to that fantasy so I wouldn’t be lonely?
It was nonsense, but it was a sweet suggestion.
If I could choose to undo my regrets, spend time with my family and siblings, restart my messed up teenage years, and live a life without loneliness…
My thoughts stopped there.
I spoke.
“I can’t be lonely.”
I made my family lonely.
I absent-mindedly chased after my dreams, disregarding everything that they’d say.
I spent my time alone practicing chess, and I was temperamental during the few times that I interacted with them.
The last time that I saw them, I didn’t even say goodbye.
I did all that to my family, so how can I be the one who’s lonely?
‘And I can’t stay here.’
Perhaps it’s because of the chess hall shown earlier, or perhaps it’s because of my freezing-cold hands.
I was somehow reminded of the people who cheered for me during the chess competition at Eungwang High.
I came all the way here to give this world a happy ending, and I can’t afford to stay in any fantasy world.
“There is no need for such illusions.”
Rip…!
It sounded like a rip in the fabric of reality.
Rather, the fabric of illusion.
I began to faintly see the former head.
[I see… I can’t help you with your past and your regrets.]
His voice was now clearer, and I saw better his difference from Sung Gukeon.
For attack types that target one’s mind, it’s necessary to clearly identify clearly the method of attack in order to crush it.
However, his attacks didn’t stop there.
[Then what about the future and horror?]
The former head of the association began to disappear again, and a new landscape appeared.
It was our classroom.
My classmates were inside.
‘This is… their last appearance from PMH…!’
Kim Yuri was beaten after she forcibly tried to enter the snow-covered Eungwang High to save Ahn Dain.
Hani was sitting quietly with her eyes closed after confirming Gong Cheonghwon’s death.
Kwon Lena, who was left with nothing but her hair and her ribbon.
Maeng Hyodon, who collapsed after holding out an enemy to make way for Joo Soohyuk.
Saeum of April, his feet full of wounds after walking barefoot in Nabiryeong’s garden.
Min Geurin and Song Daesok, who flew to protect each other and eventually closed their eyes at the same time.
The relieved Phantom Thief Neon after sending a clue to Joo Soohyuk.
Goo Seulbi who refuses to open the dream path that connects to Merlin and chose death instead.
Lastly, even Ham Geunhyung who was unable to shoot the remaining arrow in his hand…
‘Hwang Jiho’s not here…’
Hwang Jiho, whose whereabouts were unknown until the end, wasn’t at the scene.
Instead, his uniform and nametag were at his desk.
Same with Mok Wooram and Dokgo Miro.
In our classroom filled with death and misery, I was the only one alive.
The memory of our class just preparing for a CSAT event yesterday became a nightmare.
[Very specific and cruel. This image doesn’t come out unless you think about it hundreds or thousands of times.]
I replay every level in PMH hundreds or thousands of times when I’m given the chance.
Even the smallest possibility of winning pushes me to start over and over again, so I have seen my playable characters die just as much.
I had no choice though, since there was no one else who would save them.
I could only move on to the next stage of the game once I was sure that I tested absolutely all the possibilities.
[My grandson’s image of fear is vague, so other than real memories, he’s scared of the idea of the Dark Ages. But this scene… It’s a pure image of fear that you and only you have.]
Did he show something like this to Sung Siwan too?
Maybe Sung Siwan saw the image of the Jiikhoe Hall stained with blood.
[Having this clear image of death, it would be faster to just talk about it.]
“…Talk about what?”
[The information that I will give you will put you and those around you in danger. It’s possible that you’d face this kind of scenario.]
Hearing those words, the intention of the former head became clear.
He didn’t want to give the clue to someone with a weak mind.
[They know very well about human weaknesses. They will seduce, intimidate, and destroy your past and your future.]
“…”
[Your life is a given, but the lives of those you are worried about might be ruined too.]
I heard a hint of worry in the former head’s voice.
I know that the former head of the association was worried while he prepared all these things while he was alive, and it seemed to have translated to the AI that he created.
I kept listening in silence.
[Strange. Is it a calculation error? You should be under much stress by now…]
After seeing the corpses of my classmates and being shown my past, it was indeed strange that I stood with a calm face.
I finally spoke.
“You would’ve seen it already since you went through my mind…”
Fwaaaa…!
A black energy wave rose from my feet as I spoke.
“But I don’t like stalemates.”
At my words, the darkness that I gave off began to encroach on the space.
