[Day 176]
So yesterday we had a pretty good day until a mysterious cat boy emerged. I didn't know what was going on with him, but he looked terribly wounded, so I had decided to save him. yeah, call me a hero complex guy or whatever, but there is just some basic decency you have as a person to help another when they are in need.
If you simply just stop helping those that need help and you pass through them without caring, then what else is there to me than being a senseless dragon? If I have the power to help someone in need, I will give them a little help.
I won't simply let them have everything I have or merely resolve all their problems but saving a kid that is on the border of dying was no problem to me, so I did it.
Naturally, if I didn't have the power to do it, I would have desperately tried to find a way to help him anyways, the same way I did it with Benladann.
And due to that kindness, instead of just outright killing Benladann back then because she tried to kill me while being a mold monster, I ended meeting the love of my life and the person that I treasure the most.
Being like this, one could think that perhaps, even if a little bit, Karma exists. If you do good things, you'll eventually be rewarded with good fortune, right?
Yeah, no, I don't like to believe in that bullshit, to be honest. I just do things without waiting for a benefit most of the time.
I simply think… "If I were in their situation and was hopelessly dying, I wish there could be someone to help me in my direst moments."
And because that thought emerged in my mind as I saw the kid dying in front of me, I simply didn't doubt it.
I don't consider myself a good person, and aside from helping him survive, I don't think I will do more than that, to be honest, but if I didn't help him there, I don't know how I would honestly feel with myself. I would have been eaten away by terrible guilt, and probably would have felt terrible through my life.
How could a person live through their lives with the thought that they let a child in front of them die even when they had the tools to save their life, even more, which wouldn't have cost them anything?
Maybe in this cold-blooded world, there might be a lot of people that could think like this, but I am sorry to tell you that I am not such a person. I am going against the norm, I suppose.
Many would think of people that are kind to be fools, and I don't blame them, I also often think of that kind enough to help others to be fools, but I was saved by a group of fools then, my family who showed me an entire life of happiness.
I was drowning in despair back then, but someone kindly extended their hands to me and helped me in my direst moments… perhaps I saw in that kid something similar.
I saw myself on him for a few seconds, a hopeless kid that needed help, serious help.
I know that if my mother were here, she wouldn't have even doubted a single second like I did, she would have simply run to the kid the split of a second, she noticed him, instead of dumbly looking at him as I did for around ten seconds before I actually did something.
I am not saying that I want to be like her, but I am just saying that she's the woman I admire, and the one that brought me away from the hell I was.
I wanted to make her happy too and do what was "right" even if morality in this world is nothing but a fancy word.
Maybe I am just a hypocrite, the same way another hypocrite would ignore the kid, I am just another type of hypocrite, the type of hypocrite that would help out a kid that is almost dying.
Satisfaction? Maybe. We all seek satisfaction one way or another. Perhaps I get satisfaction by helping others, while others may get it by torturing others, or destroying others, or living by themselves, and never helping anyone. But I get it by the opposite.
And if that's the case, is there any difference between a hypocrite that helps a child and a hypocrite that doesn't?
Both are hypocrites, but both do something different. One of them saves a life, and the other won't and will not feel remorse for it dying.
In the end, we are all hypocrites and selfish people. We seek satisfaction for our own, and sometimes we feel satisfaction by also bringing happiness and satisfaction to others.
If I bring satisfaction to myself by doing "good deeds" then I am seen as a hero, but if a person happens to get satisfaction by doing "bad deeds" that person is labeled as a villain.
But honestly, after I killed so many Elders back in the previous sect, I don't think I am exactly a Hero, and the thing is, I just did it because it satisfied me. So I suppose I am in-between. And at the end of the day, I do things because I just want to do them and nothing else, nothing more.
Sometimes I wonder why I think this much when I do things like these. Perhaps I am really an idiot in the end. I do admit it, I am really a big idiot.
A fool.
But I suppose I can still find happiness as a fool.
Now, let's see if this kid is awake now…
