I ended surviving…
I just didn't go skiing in that one place where I would have died.
Apparently, there was a big landslide there, and a big avalanche fell. It wasn't actually provoked because of me or something.
I convinced my sister that I didn't want to ski because it was too dangerous, but we went to the other areas, and we still had fun together…
And it didn't stop… It… Does it continue?
Usually, dreams don't work this way. Why is this continuing?
What is going on?
"Brother?"
"Ah… Yes?"
"Are you alright? Did you had fun?"
My sister asked me this as we traveled back home… her kids were sleeping soundly in the backseat, and his husband was in the front side as she drove the car.
"Ah… Yeah, I am fine… It's just…"
"Hm? What is it? Tell me… I am your sister; it has been a while since you've been more open to me…"
"…"
Sister… I miss you…
"I died back then."
"Eh?"
"I died… In the avalanche… I knew it was going to happen. I evaded it and I didn't die this time…"
"Huh? H-How did you knew?" she asked.
"I… This is a dream after all… I already died, this is merely a reproduction of my memories."
"A dream? W-What are you talking about? This is reality…"
"No… You're not real…"
"Ah…"
"I died… And I went to another world… I don't think I will… ever get to see you again… nor mom, nor dad, nor big brother… nor anyone…"
"Brother…"
"But even then… I am such an idiot… Even though I know that all of you are not real. Even when I know this, I keep… I kept the action and accompanied you."
"But how do you know this is a dream? Maybe… what you lived before was the dream…"
"Eh?"
"Yeah, maybe you dreamed that you died and went to another world… And now, you predicted the Avalanche. I've read in the news about people that can see the future in dreams, these people… Espers."
"Espers?"
No… This can't be real, right?
I can't… possibly have lived all of that just being a dream…
Right?
I have to just escape.
I just have to will it and-
"Don't worry… Everything is okay now, brother… It was just a dream… Maybe you're an Esper, or maybe you aren't… But we still love you lots and lots, you know?"
"Sister…"
"How about we get together with our big bro and we go hang out together later in the week? We can go to a bar and have a fun time! You never come with us."
"No, but…"
"But what? Come on! Don't be so shy. It will be fun! Your two big siblings will take care of you anyways."
"Sister…"
Could all of that had been just a dream then?
Then I am really alive.
I didn't die.
This is my reality now… It was such a long dream…
We moved back home quite quickly, and everything was fine.
I went back upstairs and checked the manga I have not read.
They were there.
Huh? Then I just hallucinated that they didn't have any pages? They got new pages and the story continues too…
Wow…
I suppose it was all a dream, everything…
I sit over my bed as I begin to ponder.
Maybe this dream made me realize how much I didn't appreciate this life.
I missed it so much back then…
Maybe I should get my shit together and… work on myself a little bit.
Perhaps I shouldn't be so shy… Maybe I should try to be a better person too.
Maybe I should try to work out and… find someone…
Or…
Suddenly, a glimpse of those dreams emerged inside of my mind.
A beautiful, blue-skinned girl was in there.
Benladann.
Was… she just a dream?
Wait… she doesn't exist…
It was just a dream… The one I loved so much…
It was just my… imagination?
I feel like my body is about to explode.
The person… the most important person in my life in such a dream… It was just a fabric of my own imagination.
This… This is so painful…
So she was never real…
I rest over the bed, as I begin to cry.
But if she was a dream… Why do I love her so much?
This love hasn't gone away at all!
This… can't possibly be a dream.
Maybe there is really another world, and I just didn't dream about it.
Maybe in that other world, I really am an Ice Dragon.
Right?
No, no, no…
I am just going schizophrenic at this point.
…
I ended sleeping that night and dreamed of nothing I can remember.
The other day I woke up to find everyone in the house. Mom and dad were back with my brother too.
That day, we went the three of us to enjoy a night out.
It was a bit strange. I have never done such a thing before… but it was fun nonetheless.
It is interesting to know the other facet of my siblings which they only show at such parties.
It was fun to see my sister get all funny when she got drunk, while my brother gets overly emotional, crying for anything… seeing such a burly guy crying like that was certainly something else.
That night I was introduced to a few friends of my sister. I tried, but I really couldn't connect with any of them.
I just couldn't really do it… my heart was still thinking of Benladann.
I still think she's real…
Somewhere… I know she could exist.
…
Right?
That night I drove back home and carried my two drunk siblings to their room.
And then I went to sleep thinking about that dream.
I wish I could dream about it…
…
And I didn't.
No matter how hard I try, my dreams feel like they don't exist, it is just an instant I go to sleep and in the other, I am awake.
How frustrating…
Benladann…
