༺ Single, 21 years old, and very influential (4) ༻
I was torn between being a dutiful and undutiful son because of my love-struck brother. But when I thought about it, I realized that I was no saint, either. In a way, I was outshining Erich in the undutiful son department.
The nobility had a huge responsibility to continue the lineage, and it was a given that this duty weighed even heavier on the head of the family and the heir. But here, we had an heir past the ideal age for marriage and without even a hint of an engagement. From a parent’s perspective, it was probably a huge letdown.
‘It’s like we’re a matched set.’
The older brother hadn’t gotten married yet, and the younger one was making nearly impossible challenges. How did both sons end up like this? It was surprising that the Patriarch had remained silent for this long.
Was her comment about Erich finding a compatible partner at the Academy a form of indirect pressure? As if saying, ‘Shouldn’t the older brother find someone before the younger one does?’
It was a tricky topic. I could dodge it if she was outright pressuring me, but it was harder to defend against it when it was only being hinted at.
‘I suppose I’ll have to do it, though.’
Right now, marriage was the last thing on my mind. It had been two years since that incident, but those years felt more like ‘not yet two years’ than ‘already two years’ to me.
Of course, I couldn’t be alone forever. Despite the unexpected way I came into this world, I’ve lived comfortably as a noble. Enjoying the privileges also meant fulfilling the responsibilities. If I had been a commoner, I would be worried about survival, not marriage.
However, I don’t want to jump into anything half-heartedly. Could I sincerely commit to someone right now? Probably not. I’d end up thinking about someone else while with them. It was for this reason that I turned down the marriage proposal with Marghetta.
“If it’s meant to be, then he’ll meet someone good. There’s still over two years left until he graduates.”
I managed to organize my jumbled thoughts and replied appropriately. I was speaking about Erich anyway, so it made sense to continue on that note.
And no matter how much I thought about it, it seemed better not to mention that Erich was after Louise. Saying that would just worry Mother and put unnecessary pressure on Erich.
There was no need for me to step in when he was keeping it to himself. What kind of brother would I be to spill my younger brother’s secret?
“Maybe he’ll meet someone after graduation.”
I added, thinking of my circumstances and the possibility that Erich would be defeated in the battle for Louise.
Erich might meet someone in the social circles after graduation. I’m already in the social scene, so I might bring someone home someday, too.
It might not satisfy Mother, who had summoned me for marriage discussions, but this was the best I could manage right now. It was better than making promises I couldn’t keep.
“So don’t worry about it. He can handle it, right?”
I wrapped it up with a generic ‘He’ll figure it out’ line. Looking at Erich these days, it’s doubtful if he could manage on his own, but Mother didn’t need to know about Erich’s ugly sides. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.
It would be nice if she left me alone while she was at it. I was honestly more dependable than Erich, right?
“Of course he can. He always has.”
Mother nodded slightly and responded in a soft voice. Erich’s reliability might have taken a hit recently, but he was someone who trained diligently on his own before he entered the Academy.
“Yes, he’ll do fine.”
Let’s trust the Erich from back then. Even if he was strange and a little love-struck now, he was essentially a good kid.
***
The tea party ended without any results. Eusenia, who had been preparing her words for days, ended up not being able to say anything properly and sent Carl back.
“I will escort madam. Everyone else, tidy up and leave.”
I sent the maids away first, unable to let them see Eusenia looking so lost and silently staring down at her teacup. She was in no state to give orders.
Once the maids had left, I looked at the still-downcast Eusenia. What a fool. She knew forgiveness wouldn’t come easily. How would she cope if she was this broken already?
But no matter how foolish or silly she might be, she had been my friend since childhood. If I don’t understand Eusenia, then who would?
“Nia.”
At the sound of her nickname, she finally reacted and lifted her head. Seeing her unfocused eyes made my heart ache. She was someone strong-willed, so why did she become like this when it involved the kids?
I handed her a handkerchief. Eusenia quietly accepted it and stared blankly at the handkerchief. Then, tears began to form in her eyes and started falling one by one.
“There’s no one else here.”
“Sob─”
The words ‘there’s no one else’ triggered her muffled crying. Even though we’ve seen each other at our worst, she tried holding back, maybe for the sake of her reputation as a countess.
“La-Laura, Laura…”
“Yes, yes.”
Watching her stutter my name while dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief, I comforted her, which made her cry even harder. Sometimes it’s better to let it all out. It helps to ease the pain.
She rarely cried in her twenties, almost to the point where I wondered if she was devoid of emotion, but she cried often in her thirties. Would that change in her forties?
“So don’t worry about it. He can handle it, right?”
I understand her, though. After hearing such words from Carl, how could she stay composed? No matter how strong she pretended to be, what mother could bear to hear such words from her son?
On the surface, it seemed like an ordinary statement and a comforting reassurance. But considering the relationship between Eusenia and Carl, it was hard to take it at face value.
Even from my third-party perspective, it sounded like ‘We’ll do fine without you, so don’t bother.’ Imagine how Eusenia must have felt.
‘How disappointed she must be.’
Carl was a gentle, quiet child. He worked diligently and was considerate of others. That’s why he attracted less attention compared to his brother; compared to the ever-active Erich, Carl didn’t demand as much attention.
I always felt sorry about that. Carl said that it was okay and that he understood because he was the older brother, but who could really take such words as is? Despite being the older brother, Carl was still a child.
Nevertheless, Carl devoted himself to his training without complaining. It was surprising to see such a young boy work so hard without any tricks or shortcuts. I remember asking him why he was so diligent.
“Maybe father and mother will praise me if I work hard?”
Such an innocent child, barely used to saying ‘father’ and ‘mother,’ was already starved for affection. Even so, he never let that yearning turn into resentment.
He simply believed that they’d notice and love him one day if he worked hard. That was the kind of child Carl was. And now, that same Carl had told her to her face that he no longer needed her attention.
Was it time that changed Carl? Or was it the near-death experience that made him lose his expectations for his mother, who only started to care when he was facing death? Was it the war, or the darkness of the Capital, that transformed him?
“I heard Marquis Asilon committed suicide after being ridiculed by the Executive Manager.”
“Did you hear? Four noble houses collapsed overnight.”
“I guess age doesn’t matter anymore. Anyone who resisted them is now dead, so who’d dare to speak out?”
The longer Carl stayed away from the territory and remained in the capital, the more sinister the rumors about him grew. And those rumors couldn’t be denied; they were all true.
But I believed that Carl’s actions were out of necessity and that he hadn’t truly become a cold and brutal person. Thankfully, my faith was not misplaced.
I managed to make contact with the servants working at Carl’s personal residence under the guise of coincidence. They recognized me as Carl’s nanny, so they weren’t wary of me. They had nothing but positive things to share. He was described as a considerate master who took care of his servants and someone who always made sure that the commoners were well taken care of.
It confirmed my belief. Despite the notorious reputation attached to his role as the Prosecutors’ Executive Manager, he was still that warm-hearted child I knew. I knew how fragile and tender he truly was.
‘Yes, that’s the kind of child he is.’
Carl indeed expressed his disappointment in Eusenia, but there was still hope. If Eusenia sincerely apologizes and asks for his forgiveness, I believe that he will turn back toward her someday. He was that kind of child.
So I shouldn’t waver. If I falter now, Carl and Erich might forever live without experiencing their mother’s love, given Eusenia’s troubled state.
“Nia, don’t cry. There are still plenty of chances.”
First, I need to calm down this crybaby.
***
As I was walking down the corridor, I caught a glimpse of Erich’s back.
‘This punk…’
I didn’t care before, but seeing him now just irked me. He was the one goofing off at the Academy, but I was the one dealing with the aftermath. Wasn’t I just coming back from having to fumble through a conversation with Mother about Erich’s potential match?
If Erich had maintained regular contact with Mother, we wouldn’t have been in this mess. Would she have spoken to me about her hopes for Erich to find a compatible partner if she knew him well?
“Erich.”
The more I thought about it, the clearer it became. This was a problem due to Erich’s lack of communication with the family. I called him over to give him advice as an older brother, and he obediently approached despite flinching.
“Did you greet mother properly?”
“I did, at the mansion’s entrance earlier.”
“Not that one.”
He quickly spoke as if he was trying to use the most obvious thing as an excuse.
“Make sure to keep in touch more often and talk to her. Mother seems to be worried about you.”
I ended up giving Erich an unplanned lecture. I didn’t feel much affection for Mother, but Erich was her biological child. It would be better for them to maintain regular contact and build a good relationship to avoid future regrets.
“But, brother, you don’t contact mother either─”
“That’s because I’m busy. It’s not the same since you’re just at the Academy.”
Anyway, it wasn’t my fault. This undutiful brat… If I don’t educate him as his older brother, then who would?
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