***Arc 10 One Who Doesn't Acknowledge, Chapter 247 Yearning for Purity***
"... sorry for barging in, but Krische wanted to talk to Selene."
There was no response to the knock, so she used magic to unlock the door.
"I said leave me alone."
"...Yes. Sorry."
"I'll listen to you tomorrow. ...So, please, not today."
Krische was a little lost and sat down on the bed without saying anything.
Then she looked around the room for a moment.
Now that she thought about it, it had been a long time since she visited Selene in her room.
Selene usually visits Krische’s room.
Krische patted Selene on the head from behind.
“...Kreschenta, is the one who told you right?”
"...Yes. Kreschenta said Krische should talk to each other properly instead of thinking about it all alone."
"About what?"
When asked, Krische thought about it, then smiled nostalgically and said,
“It kind of reminds Krische of when Krische first came to Christand. At that time, Gotoushu-sama asked Krische to be Selene's friend, so Krische went to see Selene without thinking anything. ... Krische didn't even think about what to talk about.''
She stroked Selene's long, silky hair and intertwined it with her fingers.
"Krische wants to know the reason. Why does Selene not like it? ...If Krische understands the reason, Krische can think of various ways so that Selene won't dislike it."
"...Please, do it tomorrow. I told you, right? I'm tired."
"If Selene promises to tell Krische the reason tomorrow, Krische 'll leave."
‘But Krische doesn't think that's the case’, Krische continued.
"...Maybe Selene isn't really angry. But, maybe Selene is tired of Krische and disappointed....Maybe, that’s why Selene doesn't want to talk with Krische?"
"……stop"
"Selene said that Krische doesn't understand. It's true that Krische is an idiot. Even things that normal people would understand, Krische doesn't understand. But Krische wants to understand Selene properly. So――”
"――Stop it!!"
Krische froze for a moment, and Selene firmly pressed her face into the pillow he was holding.
"...Really, please stop. I don't want to feel any more miserable. I'm tired of it...Please, leave me alone for now."
"Selene..."
She was crying, her shoulders trembling.
window.pubfuturetag = window.pubfuturetag || [];window.pubfuturetag.push({unit: "64ce79d606107d003c23ea27", id: "pf-5140-1"})Selene cried a lot. But most of the time, it was relief or joy――but today it was clearly different.
"……sorry"
Krische didn't understand why.
However, Selene was probably crying because of Krische.
At least Krische had hurt her so much that it made her cry like this.
Her trembling back was like that of a child.
Her usual stubborn older sister appearance was not there.
‘――What could be the cause?’, she simply pondered.
When she thought back again, Selene seemed abnormal when she saw her on the battlefield just before.
She was crying when Krische left――those were the only instances she could recall.
Krische was aware that she had done something terrible by ignoring Selene, but she felt like Selene would understand the situation.
Of course, Krische might have been making selfish assumptions, but looking at the current results, it seems that it was different.
She didn’t understand even when she thought about it.
That said, she felt like asking what makes someone miserable would just be hurting them even more.
After thinking about it for a while, she put her thoughts on hold.
“Krische always thought all Krische needed was the estate.”
Krische said.
“It doesn't have to be a mansion, it could be a small hut...If we can all live together in a place like that for a long time, that's fine. Not having to do anything dangerous, no wars, and no bad people... even during the civil war, if Selene would agree, Krische thought Krische'd abandon everything and escape into the mountains together and live quietly."
Krische said with a smile, ‘This kind of thing is called a dream.’
“Once the civil war is over, once the wars with neighboring countries are over, peace will last for a while――even when Krische thinks that way, peace won’t be forever. Even if there is no war, there are still problems and there are many things. Krische have Krische’s own circumstance, but of course other people have their own too, and we don't necessarily want the same things."
Krische buried her face in Selene's neck and narrowed her eyes.
"Krische was tired of it. Krische even though it might be better to destroy everything but...It would be much more peaceful for Krische and the other to move out, so Krische thought that would be best, so''
That man from Elderant was out to avenge someone that Krische killed.
In the end, no matter what Krische does, the seeds of war will be born somewhere.
Those with malice would appear somewhere.
Including indirect ones, Krische had killed well over 100,000 people.
How many people hated her.
Krische didn't care how much grudge someone held against her.
However, that kind of thing, not only Krische, but it can also affect her surroundings.
window.pubfuturetag = window.pubfuturetag || [];window.pubfuturetag.push({unit: "64cc9e79c7059f003e4ad4b0", id: "pf-5109-1"})In the future, and even further ahead――the more it continues, the more the number will increase.
Hundreds, thousands, over billions.
‘――You, who only think about your small world and punish those who become your enemy, must be a terrifying existence for many powerless people. At least many of the weak――the nobles must have felt that their security was threatened by you.''
She recalled her grandfather's words.
‘And fear always turns into hostility. Now they fear you and will follow you. However, it may become the root of trouble and threaten you and those around you again in ten or twenty years from now.’
――Are you going to repeat the same thing every time?
How stupid, she closed her eyes.
The destination was clear.
The risks would only pile up, and Krische’s desired eternity would never come.
The cycle of cause and effect will someday threaten Krische’s security.
She had to cut it off somewhere.
That’s why――but
“…Is it wrong for Krische to wish for eternity?”
Bery promised forever.
However, she seemed to accept that death would come someday.
Gallen was happy with his death, and so was Eluga.
It's fine, they said. True to their words, they said it with a smile to Krische.
‘――However, people do not live individually, but as a group, weaving many connections. Like our ancestors before us, I want to entrust myself to that flow ...I would rather live my life to the fullest, feeling the beauty in the appearance of the flowers that wither and leave seeds, rather than the eternal giant flowers.’
Krische was simply yearning for eternal happiness.
She didn't think it was strange.
Simply put, when Krische thought about it normally, the ultimate conclusion could only be there.
But for many, that was not a normal thing.
“Krische selfishly thought that Selene loved Krische. Krische also loves Selene. ...That’s why, is it wrong to think it would be nice if such a relationship should continue forever? ”
――Should humans die?
Selene's body stiffened at the words that continued.
She tightened her grip on the pillow and just pressed her face into it.
There was no thought of denying her beloved sister's words.
How much did she mourn her mother's death?
She had never forgotten how she felt at that time.
window.pubfuturetag = window.pubfuturetag || [];window.pubfuturetag.push({unit: "663633fa8ebf7442f0652b33", id: "pf-8817-1"})If there was a way to save her mother, she would have done anything.
At that time, even Selene wanted an eternity together with her parents and Bery.
She accepted because there was nothing she could do about it.
People will die someday, and it's just a matter of whether it's early or late――she knew that as long as one was alive, it was natural for one to die.
Becoming an adult was just a convenient excuse.
It was a way to accept the injustices in the world and those who willingly accepted such injustices were called adults.
Krische was as pure as a child.
She would probably remain forever pure like a child.
She was the only one in this world who could achieve eternal happiness.
She had the power to twist all irrationality and make all of her wishes come true.
――She won't give up, she won't accept.
She doesn't acknowledge anything she doesn't want, and she can remain not acknowledging them.
She didn't need any convenient excuse like becoming an adult.
She was not on the side of accepting unreasonableness, but on the side of creating unreasonableness, and she would never be tainted in the future, because she was the owner of such a soul.
"...If I say I should die, would you give up?"
‘What a terrible question’, she thought.
It wasn't a question she asked deeply.
"... If Krische’s wish is selfish. If Selene says so, then surely Bery too――"
"In the end, it's Bery, isn't it?"
Selene said as if mocking herself.
Even without seeing Krische's puzzled expression, she knew.
"Why are you asking me? Don't worry about me, just do whatever you want...Even without me, you guys can still get by just like before."
"Selene...?"
"I'm a burden. You understand, right? Why did you come onto the battlefield? It was because you were worried, right? ...You felt like you couldn't leave it to me, so you even left Bery behind and came onto the battlefield."
No, she knew.
Still, Krische had come because she was worried about Selene.
She even left Bery to help Selene.
"...I'm just an ordinary person. I'm so small that I can't even compare to you or Kreschenta, and like Bery, I can't even give you a single piece of peace of mind."
Her fists clenched so hard it hurt.
"Tell me. What am I supposed to do in the paradise you speak of? I'm not smart, I'm not strong, what can a burden like me do? ... Should I just watch and smile at you like a figurines.''
And then, she sighed as if mocking herself.
"...Please, please stop. I'm tired."
She felt disappointed in herself as she spoke, but also somewhat relieved.
The temptation to give up always seemed sweet.
It was always by her side, but she tried not to look at it.
Something she had been trying to not acknowledge.
She laughed when she realized how burdensome her facade had become.
There was dark delight and relief in her disappointment with herself.
"Just Bery, is fine right? Unlike me, I'm sure Bery will stay with you forever in the paradise you desire. Even if I'm gone, you'll get used to it after a while, and someday you won't even remember me."
――With me...I hope we can continue to be together like this forever.
The exchange she heard on the way to the royal capital.
――……Krische too, Krische wants to stay with Bery forever.
She probably understood it at that time.
That she was on the outside.
Just pretending not to notice.
The relationship between the two was so perfect that there was no room to step into it.
They each have something that the other wants, a perfect match.
Selene was just receiving the blessings of love that overflowed from there.
"...You didn't need me from the beginning. Bery was enough to make you happy. So――"
"Selene"
Suddenly she was pulled by the shoulder, her pillow taken away.
Straddled on her hips, she felt lips pressed against hers.
She was a little surprised at first, then she just looked at her.
Clumsy love――childish innocence.
The usual kiss.
She just stared at the purple color of the girl's lips, and averted her gaze.
No pint getting embarrassed after all this time.
It was just a little too beautiful to look at.
"Krische always thought Krische had no value unless Krische was excellent."
When the lips parted, Krische spoke.
Her purple eyes were unwavering, and the perfect circle towards Selene.
"...But Selene told Krische that Krische could cook with Berry all the time and that Selene would make it possible for Krische to do so."
“Krische thinks it's the same thing,” Krische said.
"If it’s just about food, Bery is enough for the meal at the estate, and Krische is useless. It's really pointless... but Selene said it was fine."
‘Did you forget?’ asked Krische.
Selene didn't answer.
There's no way she'd forgotten.
“It's true that Selene isn't smart, and also really weak. She's really clumsy and rough, and no matter what she does, she's a total bum....but Krische doesn't think that matters. At least, the one that thought Krische that is Bery, and Selene”
Krische smiled and stroked Selene's cheek.
Her cool hands were strangely warm.
"...Krische always idealized Kliche, who could do anything. But Selene and Bery said it's okay for Krische to be stupid, accepting Krische and loving Krische... because of that, Krische thought it might be okay to be stupid..."
She traced Selene’s lips with her fingertips, searching for the words, and kissed her again.
“At least Krische thinks the same thing about Selene. Certainly to be honest, Krische has never thought that Selene's abilities are amazing...but that doesn’t have anything to do with it right?
She seemed to look down on Selene.
But at the same time, she looked at her with love.
"...Krische probably loves the stupid Selene that Selene just described. Quick to anger, stubborn, with lots of weird quirks... but that kind and hardworking Selene. That's who Krische loves."
She didn't decorate her words.
She is always sincere and straightforward to the point of being stupid.
It sounded like insults, but surely that wasn't her intention at all.
"Just like Selene loves the stupid Krische..."
The brilliance inside her purple eyes, there was an indescribable emotion.
Her smile is just like that of a young girl, and her doll-like beauty was full of color.
Little by little, she seemed to have changed, and when she remembered the image in her memory, she looked like a different person.
Who had changed her――as expected she didn’t think she could exclude herself from among them.
But, just.
“…Is that not enough?”
‘Krische is unfair’, she thought.
Krische was hopelessly beautiful and could pour out her pure love to others without thinking.
She should just nod to that, Selen thought.
Just like usual, in response to Krische’s innocence.
The best outcome was within reach.
At least, what Selene desired most was Krische happiness.
She would easily make it come true, and all Selene would have to do was nod.
“You really are an idiot huh.”
However, she averted her gaze from her and said,
"...I can't make any promises. This is a problem within myself."
"Selene..."
She knows that Krische loved her.
The beauty of her love had been there for a long time.
"I love you, Krische. I love you more than anything in the world."
She stroked her cheek.
Her skin was smooth and soft――like a baby's.
"But, I'm sure my love vessel is very shallow and very narrow. I'm selfish and self-centered...I don't have the kind of love that Bery does."
It was not the kind of love that could be accepted after understanding everything.
True love is definitely something that embraces the other person without asking for anything in return.
However, Selene's love was a love of desire.
The love that was entirely for oneself was so distorted and corrupted that it seemed unimaginable it could arise within herself.
Wanting to be recognized for her own sake.
In the end, Selene wanted to think that she was the only one special to her.
She would risk her life for Selene.
It was more than enough, and asking for more was excessive.
But still, she wanted something more.
Greedy to the core, she wanted to devour her――small-minded though she was, Selene Christand was an insatiable, arrogant human who never knew contentment.
Her bad habit of seeking more than she was capable of had penetrated to the core.
Even though she knew what she was capable of, she still had a passion that she couldn't accept.
"I'm jealous of Berry. Envious."
"……envy?"
Yes, Selene replied, pushing her down.
Straddling her waist, Selene looked down at her this time.
"I love you more than anything in the world, but Berry is the best in you. ...Maybe I was happy that Bery was gone. Maybe if Bery goes away, you'll only look at me.''
She reached out and wrapped her arms around Krische's slender neck.
"...I wanted to keep you all to myself. But whether Bery dies or not, your number one won’t change. ...From now on and for forever."
She was fed up with her own shallowness.
There was no magic crystal around her neck.
She didn’t think Krische would leave it behind.
It must be Kreschenta’s suggestion.
Kreschenta must have been able to see through Selene's shallow thoughts.
Her purple color must be able to see through all of Selene's struggles.
That was why she sent Krische to Selene like this.
――Just do as you like.
It was as if she could hear those words, as if Kreschenta was making fun of her.
This was a prepared meal. At least, Kreschenta must have thought it was enough to resolve it.
Unpleasant, but the idea wasn't far off.
That was why it was even more unpleasant.
"I don't want to imagine you guys spending the rest of eternity happily without me. But I don't want to keep looking at that too. ...I hate myself for not being able to be genuinely happy about it."
If she squeezed with all her might now, this neck would likely snap.
Krische looked up at Selene in surprise, but made no resistance.
"...I hate it all."
How much better it would have been if she could have killed her.
Kill him, die yourself――She’s sure she will feel refreshed if she did that.
If she could drive her to a place where she could never be reached.
Even though she felt that from the bottom of her heart, her hands were trembling.
Her magic power was in disarray, producing no power at all.
“I don't like not knowing what to do.”
New drops trace the path of her dry cheeks, staining them.
She thought she was the most incompetent person in this world.
She should have been happy for her beloved servant, but she couldn’t.
Or, even though she should have been sad, should have been holding a grudge, but she couldn't grieve or hold a grudge.
Only chaos swirled inside her heart, unable to turn in any direction.
Then, the droplets that overflowed from her cheek were gently wiped away with Krische’s thumb.
"...Krische’s number one is probably Bery. Always thinking about Bery..."
Krische said, lost in thought.
"But Krische loves Selene just as much. That's why Krische wants Selene to come too, that’s why, uhh...no, Krische doesn't know what to do, but..."
The sight that tempted her gaze was endlessly adorable.
"...However, Krische don't like, it's painful for Selene. If that's makes Bery so painful... Krische'll try to avoid speaking as much as possible until Selene calms down properly."
‘Is that not enough?’ asked Krische.
Selene had no words to answer.
How should she receive it?
Krische cupped Selene's cheek, pulled her close, and kissed her.
"It's okay. Please don't cry."
Krische caressed her cheek and kissed her.
Like cradling a child.
"...Until Selene calms down, until it stops being hard for Selene...Krische will always be by Selene's side."
Her smile was always kind.
Selene wiped her eyes with her sleeve and buried her face in her neck.
Kreschenta probably knew she would settle for this.
That Selene was hopelessly naive, and pure, and that Krische love would take care of it.
How cunning. Both Krische and Kreschenta.
In all their cunning ways, they resembled Selene's beloved servant.
"...I hate you."
“...Ehehe”
Regaining her breath, she lifted her face slightly and kissed her.
Pressing, and savoring it.
If she repeated it, it felt like she could blot out everything in her mind.
So, as if immersed, as if familiarizing herself with various emotions, she pressed her lips against her.
Again and again.
Slowly and gradually become intensifying.
