Chapter 68 Courtship (4)
translator/editor: astralmech
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The sadness that was starting to clear away poured straight back in. Seeing Rienne speak through whispered sobs, there was a look of uncertainty in Black’s eyes.
[Black] “I guess I felt a little desperate.”
[Rienne] “Desperate…..?
Desperate? For what? What was he talking about? Especially since he was the one who had acted so coldly, it drove her to tears.
Black took the sobbing Rienne, taking her back to the bed. Then he sat her down on top of the largest pillow, sitting down with her as if he were locking her in between his legs.
[Black] “You always seem like you’re trying to leave me, Princess.”
[Rienne] “That can’t be…”
But his words came at such a surprise. Wasn’t the exact opposite more true? She was terrified because it always felt like he was the one at the cusp of going away somewhere without her.
[Black] “I wanted to know your sincerity. It feels like I’m always trying to narrow the distance between us, but within a few days, somehow you always manage to widen it again.”
[Rienne] “When did I…..”
[Black] “It’s always been like that.”
Black murmured lowly as he swept his hand across Rienne’s cheek.
[Black] “So I wanted to see if you would feel relieved if I was the one to pull away for once, or if you would feel just as nervous as I do.”
More tears poured from her eyes.
So he did it on purpose, just as she thought.
[Rienne] “Please……don’t ever do that again. I really…..really don’t like it.”
[Black] “It was wrong of me.”
[Rienne] “I really hated it.”
Her last words were lost among her tears, so neither of them could hear them very well.
With her heart filled with a mixture of sadness and resentment, Rienne sat up and hugged Black tightly, who firmly wiped away her tears and kissed her wet cheek.
[Black] “Cry more.”
[Rienne] “Don’t….encourage me to cry.”
[Black] “But I want to see it.”
With his lips still up against her cheek, his words were low like a whisper, and they made all the hairs on her skin stand up and tremble.
[Rienne] “What……?”
[Black] “You’re crying because of me, Princess.”
What is he saying now…..?
[Rienne] “You told me not to cry earlier.”
[Black] “That was because I didn’t know the reason why you were crying before.”
[Rienne] “Does the reason make any difference?”
[Black] “Would it make a difference to you?”
[Rienne] “That’s…..”
She didn’t know.
But when she brought to mind the image of a teary-eyed Black, begging her not to act coldly towards him, her heart felt like it was going completely numb. And mixed with that numbness was a strange desire to see more of it.
…….But what this man did was still too much.
He was very purposeful in his actions, which felt too cruel to her, even if she herself had done the same inadvertently at times.
[Rienne] “I won’t do that again…..”
Rienne muttered softly, burying her face into Black’s shoulder as she held onto him.
[Rienne] “It was only because I didn’t understand your thoughts back then, my love. And I had to protect my heart somehow, so I ended up—“
Suddenly, Black pushed Rienne back from his body.
[Black] “Wait, what did you just say?”
[Rienne] “You….must’ve heard me?”
Rienne swallowed harshly at his odd gaze on her. He looked a little strange right now. His eyes looked a bit stiff, but he also seemed to be in a daze.
He was definitely acting oddly. Sometimes his behavior had the potential to change like the tides.
[Black] “Say it again. I think I heard you wrong.”
[Rienne] “Why would I do that….”
[Black] “Then next time.”
[Rienne] “Next time……?”
[Black] “Call me that again.”
[Rienne] “…….?”
But Rienne had said it so naturally that she couldn’t even remember what she had called him.
[Black] “You called me ‘my love’, didn’t you?”
[Rienne] “Huh…..? Did I?”
[Black] “It sounds nice.”
Black’s voice came out like a moan. Holding onto Rienne, he started to lean them both over. The movement was slow and sweet, but there was an undeniable strength to it.
He pulled her forward, falling back onto the pillows, and before Rienne realized it, she was being pulled on top of him, her body left to rest on his.
[Black] “Now it’s my turn.”
His voice was low and hoarse like he had just woken up. He whispered towards her, reaching his hand behind her neck once more.
Swip—
Another button came undone.
Once the button fell away, the fabric of her nightgown naturally loosened, and he gently tugged on it as it fell down her chest. The sensation of her nightgown’s collar tickling against her collarbone felt very strange.
[Black] “It’s your turn.”
[Rienne] “. . .”
Rienne’s lips felt dry, so she kept inadvertently running her tongue along them.
[Black] “What do you want to do?”
[Rienne] “I…..want to see you, too.”
Rienne pulled at the edges of his robe.
With that, Black gave a short smile, then quietly and carefully adjusted his position to make it easier to push the edges of his robe to the side.
[Black] “My turn, again.”
Swip—
A third button was torn away, and her nightgown became even looser. She felt like Black’s earlier wish of seeing her come ‘undone’ in front of him was starting to come true.
[Black] “Now you, Princess.”
[Rienne] “I….want to touch you.”
Rienne swept her hand across Black’s chest, running it close to a wound she’d never noticed before.
After fighting for so long, his body was riddled with scars from so many different sources, but the one on the right side of his body looked different from the others. It looked like an old wound, and the pale color of it stood out against the rest of his skin, but it still looked painful.
[Rienne] “Can I touch it? It doesn’t hurt, does it?”
Hearing Rienne’s voice, Black’s gaze was distracted, following the sight of her fingers tracing along his skin.
[Black] “It’s the oldest wound I have. It hasn’t hurt for a while.”
[Rienne] “When did you get it?”
[Black] “When I was eight.”
[Rienne] “Ah…..”
Her fingertips trembled as they stopped in place, touching those indelible wounds that were engraved on his body. Ones that could never be erased.
Was it a Kleinfelder that did this to him?
Or perhaps it was her father?
[Black] “Because of this wound, not only could I escape death, but I also got the chance to live.”
[Rienne] “What…do you mean?”
[Black] “It’s a long story. But the important thing is….”
As Rienne’s fingers brushed against his scar, Black stopped talking, holding his hand up to Rienne’s and pressing her palm down onto his body.
[Black] “…You’re touching my wound, Princess. And I am no longer in pain.”
He didn’t know this, but by saying that, he was relieving Rienne of the fiercest, most intense agony her heart had been enduring.
It was like he was saying that things hurt back then, but now it was alright.
Though someone from the Arsak family betrayed his father, driving him from his home, it was a daughter of Arsak who was soothing his wounds now.
[Rienne] “…..If I wanted to cry right now…..would you still be able to tell me it’s a sight you’d like to see?”
Instead of a simple yes, Black told her something else.
[Black] “Before that, there’s something you should know, Princess.”
[Rienne] “What is it?”
[Black] “You always look as beautiful as an otherworldly being to me, but that’s especially true when you cry.”
[Rienne] “…Oh….kay..?”
[Black] “So if you want to cry anytime in the future, come to me. Don’t go off and be sad by yourself.”
[Rienne] “. . .”
When he said things like that, how was she supposed to hold back her emotions? Without even knowing the specific reason why at this point, Rienne’s eyes flooded with tears.
Now that he wasn’t acting cold, Rienne wasn’t upset anymore, but the tears flowed from her all the same. Like something inside of her was broken.
She cried and cried, the tears endlessly pouring out like she’d just learned how to cry for the first time. All the while, Black kept affectionately patting her back to comfort her, and the more kindness he showed her, the more tears that fell.
And after crying for what felt like forever, they kissed again for just as long.
But then she started crying again, and when she did, Black held her in his arms as he gently and tenderly wiped away her tears, encouraging her to cry more and more, until she was entirely spent.
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[Mrs. Flambard] “Oh…..? Did you sleep in this room last night?”
Fortunately when Mrs. Flambard came, Black had already left to get ready for the day.
It wasn’t the first time she’d been caught spending the night with him, but if at all possible, she’d be more comfortable not getting caught at all.
[Rienne] “It just ended up that way.”
[Mrs. Flambard] “Oh my.”
Seeing Rienne push the blanket back, Mrs. Flambard clapped her hands over her mouth in shock.
[Mrs. Flambard] “You didn’t have your first night with him yet, did you?”
[Rienne] “What? No, of course not. My time of the month hasn’t ended yet.”
Her nightgown was missing three buttons now, but nothing beyond that happened. Rienne looked down at the ground, avoiding the woman’s gaze as she suddenly became conscious of how loose her clothing was now.
But it was to no avail.
[Mrs. Flambard] “Are you telling me the truth?”
Mrs. Flambard looked at Rienne with narrowed eyes, staring like she was trying to see right through her. Rienne could’ve easily told her not to look at her like that, but she was very weak when it came to her nanny’s nature.
[Rienne] “Honestly….. I know I can’t lie to you, ma’am. Nor do I have any reason to.”
The look in Mrs. Flambard’s eyes deepened, but based on the state of Rienne’s clothes and the bed sheets, she couldn’t be certain she was telling the truth right now.
[Mrs. Flambard] “Then, why is your voice so hoarse?”
[Rienne] “Sorry?”
[Mrs. Flambard] “Your eyes are swollen, too. And your lips are a little…..”
[Rienne] “. . .”
Feeling embarrassed, Rienne quickly ran her hands over her face.
[Rienne] “D, do I look strange?”
[Mrs. Flambard] “Wouldn’t it be better to see it for yourself?”
Rienne quickly rose to her feet.
When Black kept telling her that she looked beautiful, she believed in his words even as she cried and blew her nose. Then, as soon as they woke up this morning, they indulged in another kiss to their hearts’ content.
Black hadn’t even washed his face yet, but seeing him this morning, he looked as handsome as he always did, so she didn’t think too much of herself. She thought she looked the same as she usually did, too.
But apparently not?
Rienne hurried to her room. Mrs. Flambard followed behind her, but she was terribly worried she might fall, especially considering the fact that her eyes were like that right now.
[Rienne] “Ah…..”
Standing in front of the mirror, Rienne made a strange noise that was neither a scream nor a sigh.
[Rienne] “Is this…..me?”
Her eyes and cheeks were completely puffy and swollen, as were her lips. Her cheeks were stained with tear tracks, and her messy hair was evident of a rough night’s sleep.
[Rienne] “Hah….! That liar.”
Rienne felt so embarrassed and ashamed, she sank into the chair in front of the mirror.
[Mrs. Flambard] “Princess? When did I lie to you?”
Mrs. Flambard widened her eyes, waving her hands in front of herself.
[Rienne] “No, I’m not talking about you, ma’am……But he said I looked just fine.”
No, he didn’t say she looked ‘just fine’. He went beyond that. He kept saying she looked so beautiful, it was like she popped out of a fairy tale……What an absolute liar he was.
[Rienne] “I asked him several times, and every time, he would tell me I was lovely……He lied so easily.”
And he kissed such a shabby looking face as well. Not just on her lips, but on her forehead, her nose, chin, cheeks—everywhere.
Rienne clenched the ends of her messy hair, making a pouting face.
[Mrs. Flambard] “…..Pft.”
Then she heard it.
The sound of Mrs. Flambard trying to hold back her laughter.
[Rienne] “Ma’am?”
Rienne looked back at the woman.
[Rienne] “Are you laughing at my plight?”
[Mrs. Flambard] “No, I was trying to hold it in, but I…couldn’t help it…..pft.”
[Rienne] “Ma’am……”
Staring at Rienne’s puffy face only made Mrs. Flambard want to laugh even more, but unfortunately, Rienne didn’t seem to realize it.
[Mrs. Flambard] “I didn’t mean to laugh. I mean it.”
After trying and failing to hold back her laughter, the woman managed to pull herself together eventually.
[Mrs. Flambard] “But you have a very naturally lovely face, so it doesn’t look so bad.”
[Rienne] “That doesn’t make me feel any better.”
[Mrs. Flambard] “That’s why it’s good you’ve found such a wonderful partner.”
[Rienne] “But he lied to me. Doesn’t that mean he’s teasing me?”
[Mrs. Flambard] “But it’s true for him, no? To him, even this face is lovely.”
[Rienne] “…….That can’t be it.”
[Mrs. Flambard] “Can it?”
The woman smiled sweetly as she stroked Rienne’s tangled and messy blonde hair.
[Mrs. Flambard] “What a beautiful sentiment that is, isn’t it? It’s enough to make even this old heart of mine skip a beat, Princess.”
[Rienne] “Ah……”
Rienne’s lips slightly parted without even realizing it as she looked in the mirror.
Her face, looking terribly ugly right now, was very different from how she usually looked, and it was an appearance that man had never seen from her before.
As she looked in the mirror, the words he spoke to her this morning seemed to overlap with the image she could see.
[Black] –‘I want to see more.’
As Rienne tried to dig deeper into his arms to bury her swollen eyes, that’s what Black said to get her to stop trying to hide away.
[Rienne] –‘I haven’t washed my face yet.’
[Black] –‘That’s fine.’
[Rienne] –‘…..What?’
[Black] –‘This is my first time seeing you like this.’
And when he saw her, he didn’t laugh at all.
Instead, he held her and stroked her face with a careful and tender touch, as if he were dealing with something truly precious and lovely.
And then, when their eyes met, he didn’t hesitate to kiss her.
[Mrs. Flambard] “How wonderful. It seems that the heavens above Nauk are truly smiling on you, Princess, by allowing you to have a relationship with such a person.”
[Rienne] “….Apparently so.”
Rienne leaned her cheek against Mrs. Flambard’s hand as she gently combed through her hair with her fingers.
[Rienne] “I’m so grateful, I don’t know what to do.”
I already know I don’t deserve to be cherished by him. But what do I do? I’m so happy, yet I’m worried. What if something happens? What if something goes wrong…….?
[Mrs. Flambard] “You mean going into the future? All you need to do is sincerely speak your thanks. The heavens will hear your words.”
Patting Rienne’s shoulder, speaking comforting words with a gentle tone, she urged Rienne to finish washing her face.
[Mrs. Flambard] “But you need to wash up now. I know you look lovely in the eyes of Lord Tiwakan, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea walking around like that in front of others.”
[Rienne] “Y, you’re right……”
As the embarrassment swelled back in, Rienne quickly finished washing her face. Mrs. Flambard, dutiful as ever, even provided her with a towel soaked in cold water to help reduce the swelling in her face.
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T/N: Rienne called Black “당신”. It’s used in a sentence similarly to “you” (hence why she said it so unconsciously), but is usually reserved for spouses or lovers. In English, it can be read as a term of endearment.
–I translated this chapter almost 3 weeks ago now and I haven’t stopped gushing over the line “The important thing is that you’re touching my wounds. And I’m no longer in pain” since. The romanticism of it is just so ?
